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Original poster

AIBU to limit the duration of the Christmas visit

81 replies

Grannyinnwaiting · 11/11/2024 08:25

DSIL and child are visiting from overseas this Christmas. My elderly FIL and MIL live an hour away. They are coming to us for Christmas- no problem, we've a bigger house, I like to cook and we all get on. My sister will also be coming. I assumed they would come for 3/4 nights which was fine.

Now they want to come for 6 nights - we live rurally so thats a huge amount of shopping, catering and organising and I think I'll be run ragged. None of them really cooks so it'll fall to me. AIBU to ask that they return to the parental home after 4 nights. I don't want to be mean but I do want to enjoy Christmas

OP posts:
Pinkpaperclip · 11/11/2024 11:38

I think 4 nights is a lot! But if that’s what you’re happy with then stick to 4 nights. Personally it would be 2 nights for me max (but DH doesn’t get a lot of time off and I find Christmas exhausting as it is let alone hosting for 4 days

thanksicloud · 11/11/2024 11:35

Grannyinnwaiting · 11/11/2024 09:28

He'd prefer 4 nights too - he funds his DM very hard work ( she is kind and I am extremely fond of her but she is demanding )

well that’s that then.

Ask him to contact his family to explain

Mistletones · 11/11/2024 10:44

It’s insanely cheeky to invite themselves for longer knowing you’ll be doing all the shopping and cooking. They’re coming for an all inclusive holiday. Absolutely it’s fine not to spend your whole Christmas holiday as their unpaid, personal chef, waitress, cleaner and entertainment. I hope they help out whilst they’re there at least. Tell them you have plans or just that it’s too much for you! I don’t think you even need an excuse

Original poster
Grannyinnwaiting · 11/11/2024 09:28

He'd prefer 4 nights too - he funds his DM very hard work ( she is kind and I am extremely fond of her but she is demanding )

OP posts:
thanksicloud · 11/11/2024 09:25

Grannyinnwaiting · 11/11/2024 09:24

Yes I have an adult DD, SIL and DGC - they are in another country this Christmas.

The parental home is FIL and MIL's house an hour away. All four - MIl, FIL, SIL and teenage child are potentially staying for 6 nights. My sister will prob just stay 2/3 nights.

To be honest it's more about having to be entertaining than the cooking. Mentally it's exhausting

what does your partner think?

Original poster
Grannyinnwaiting · 11/11/2024 09:24

Yes I have an adult DD, SIL and DGC - they are in another country this Christmas.

The parental home is FIL and MIL's house an hour away. All four - MIl, FIL, SIL and teenage child are potentially staying for 6 nights. My sister will prob just stay 2/3 nights.

To be honest it's more about having to be entertaining than the cooking. Mentally it's exhausting

OP posts:
thanksicloud · 11/11/2024 09:24

it is all dependent on the relationship

would i be happy with my sister and family staying for 6 nights? hell. yes!!

would i be happy with my fil staying for 6 nights? no

why… i am very close to the former and not to the latter

pizzaHeart · 11/11/2024 09:23

You are not unreasonable at all, 6 nights and 3 night are very different. Yes to saying that you’ve got plans and maybe make plans in case your DH is not good with remembering pretend plans ( mine is not)
I also think that 3 nights is more logical - so they are sharing time between 2 houses equally, but it depends on time of arrival/ departure. With some people the morning of departure will easily drag into a whole day so 3 nights will be safer then 4 nights.

Aliflowers · 11/11/2024 09:22

TBH i only host Christmas day for everyone so for one night. Everyone arrives Christmas morning and leaves early the next day. I have parents and brother, SIL and their family. The first year we hosted my brother and SIL (before they had children) gorged themselves on my abundance of festive alcoholic cheer and were useful for nothing the next day. They actually went back to bed and announced that they'd heat their dinner in the microwave later. DH was absolutely fuming and that was the end of that. Now they come for one night, head home on the 26th. My mam is more than welcome to stay longer but she likes to get home, watch all the soaps she's recorded and catch up with her friends

thanksicloud · 11/11/2024 09:20

TheSilkWorm · 11/11/2024 09:13

Right. And these are the OP's husband's parents. So it's his parental home.

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huh?

ambiguous to me, hence me dropping a short question to the OP

Gonegirl7 · 11/11/2024 09:14

For me personally 2 days is absolutely enough, 4 would be v generous

TheSilkWorm · 11/11/2024 09:13

thanksicloud · 11/11/2024 09:12

My parents’ home is my parental home 🤷

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Right. And these are the OP's husband's parents. So it's his parental home.

thanksicloud · 11/11/2024 09:12

TheSilkWorm · 11/11/2024 09:06

Well yes. Who else would be returning to the parental home other than a set of parents?

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My parents’ home is my parental home 🤷

Thelnebriati · 11/11/2024 09:07

Do they understand what its like to live rurally, and can you give them a list of stuff to bring?

LaLaLaurie · 11/11/2024 09:06

Tell them they are welcome for up to 4 nights but any longer they’ll need to find an alternative.

Also send out a group message so everyone knows how much to contribute towards food/drinks for their stay. They can’t honestly be expecting to stay and eat for free for a week?

TheSilkWorm · 11/11/2024 09:06

thanksicloud · 11/11/2024 09:05

AIBU to ask that they return to the parental home after 4 nights

really?

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Well yes. Who else would be returning to the parental home other than a set of parents?

thanksicloud · 11/11/2024 09:05

TheSilkWorm · 11/11/2024 09:04

Her parents in law

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AIBU to ask that they return to the parental home after 4 nights

really?

thanksicloud · 11/11/2024 09:04

given your user name, presumably you have your own adult children?

Scoobyblue · 11/11/2024 09:04

Absolutely limit Christmas. If it's my Mum's turn (who I love dearly and get along with very well and helps with all the cooking etc) it is four nights absolute max. With my FIL (who is a lazy sod and does nothing to help and just moans) it was three nights last time and we swore that it will never ever be more than two nights going forward.

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 11/11/2024 09:04

It is entirely reasonable to tell them all that you love having them but hosting more than 4 nights gets tiring and you have other things you need to do.
also very expensive with the cost of food now but I wouldn’t say that!

TheSilkWorm · 11/11/2024 09:04

thanksicloud · 11/11/2024 09:03

i’m not clear
who wants to stay 6 nights? your DSIL and child? what does your partner think?

Edited

Her parents in law

thanksicloud · 11/11/2024 09:03

i’m not clear
who wants to stay 6 nights? your DSIL and child? what does your partner think?

TheSilkWorm · 11/11/2024 09:00

6 days is absolutely too long. 3 days should be the maximum. 4 nights maybe if they arrive late and leave early.

Marblesbackagain · 11/11/2024 08:58

Three days are plenty!

And can I just advise, delegate. We started a few years ago each adult took a breakfast, lunch or tea to be responsible.
I put partner in charge of all drinks and snacks.

I got everyone to text a list for my online ordering a then they sorted everything else.

It was a bit of fun and it made things fairer. But it also led to a lovely atmosphere and to be fair a little family friendly competitive fun.

This meant I only had one meal a day to sort, dinner and could enjoy myself more. And you know yourself its the headspace that is more tiring.

Honestly, everyone came back saying let's do it like that again. The majority of people like to make a contribution and participate.

museumum · 11/11/2024 08:51

Just say you’ve “got something else on 27th” (they don’t need to know that “something” is sitting in the clinch in your pjs)