AIBU to limit the duration of the Christmas visit

i will expect a thread on christmas day Op
you whinging about your in laws

I don't understand why you think it's unreasonable?

Don't say they have to return to the parental home. Just say you'd love to have them for 3/4 nights but can't do longer. It's up to them where they stay after that.

Right, you and your DH have decided to allow this. That's fine - it's on you.

The trick now is to make it as painless as possible. So, figure out what that looks like for you. A few suggestions:

Let everyone know now that you are definitely not cooking on Boxing Day/whatever day you can't face it. Ask if they want to be in charge or to book something out, as otherwise it will be bread and leftovers and they must help themselves.

Pre-plan some events or activities to relieve the pressure. This could be events/activities WITH the family visiting, or it's also okay for those to be with your friends. eg I imagine that, Mary and Jane always get together for an afternoon of shopping in the salse followed bt dinner and drinks on aroujnd the 27th or 28th?!

Ask now for what help/contributions you would like people to provide. MIL to bring Christmas crackers and mince pies, SIL to plan breakfasts. Everyone to bring wine. etc etc.

Normalise in your own head being comfortable wandering out to do your own thing without having to entertain them - the shopping, getting your nails done, walking the dog, going to the gym etc etc. Be prepared to casually pick up your handbag and go, without having to justify it.

Finally, make sure your DH is 100% stepping up with prep and during their visit activities and chores. Whether that's getting rooms set up, changing bedding, shopping, cleaning etc.

This. It's meant to be your break too. Tell them how long you're prepared to host for.

Three nights would be my absolute maximum with at least one meal out.
It’s your Christmas too.

This.

What do fish and visitors have in common.

After three days, they begin to stink!

AIBU to ask that they return to the parental home after 4 nights.

and despite consensus being NO!

a few hours later you update that you and simpering DH have decided to suck it up 😆

YANBU OP just tell them to return the in-laws.

Are you both always such pushovers?

Its your home and hosting, so you make the rules...

I tell your husband straight out that you are not having them all for 6 days over Christmas.
Tell him to ring them and they can come on the 24 and go home on the 26th.
If he won't do this tell them you will ring them and tell them this but you will also demand that they send you a £400 Tesco or nearest big grocery shop to you voucher to cover the cost of food as unfortunately you have not the cash to feed them all.

I then make out a list of jobs to be done in your house and outside. I have him gardening, fixing things, painting rooms ect as it the royals were coming to the house. I have that the minute he sits down you have a job to do for him. Tell him with your family coming for Christmas this needs to be done.
You also want a new Christmas tree and he can get the stuff down and decorate the tree and house.

I bring him to the nearest town and tell him he has to buy and wrap presents for them all as your not doing this.
Bring him grocery shopping as well next Saturday and tell him you have come with me the Saturday before Xmas to get the Xmas food and the shops will be worse then.

Tell him as well that once dinner is cooked on the 25th you are not doing the dishes, making another cup of tea or doing any further cooking as you will have enough by then so he is going to have to do this. I make plans to head to the sales or go off with friends and leave him to deal with that crowd.

The reality is that having a crowd even for Xmas day is hard work but inviting yourself to someone else house for 6 days over Xmas is not fair and your husband needs to tell his family no way is this happening. Tell him if he wants them there after dinner on the 25the he can do it all.

shame your dh is willing to accept his wife or being particularly happy with christmas arrangements but doesn’t want his family to not be particularly happy

what does “voiced concerns” equate to in reality?

Why on earth are you rolling over and agreeing to this when you don't want to?!

Just say no!
You have other plans after the 27th (or whenever 4 days is)

And 100% give them all jobs during the stay

What they want is irrelevant

"Oh it's lovely you what to spend time with us but you can only stay 3 days"

Could you send them all to some kind of local attraction for a bit (research what will be open)? Maybe something like a stately home with some sort of Christmas display/ activity etc. or of course church/carol services if they would go for that.

My parents wanted to stay for 6 nights last year - I said three was my maximum. Just tell them it doesn’t work for you.

See you on here at Christmas when you are blowing a gasket and thinking about alternative use for the kitchen knife set. You are a doormat op!

You are mad and need to dig out your big girls pants. 6 days 🤯🤯🤯

Either that, or say tgat you are not cooking on tge time and you will all be eat out on x, x, x. I would fit tge bill if I were them.

I had a trend of family turning up on the 22nd and staying until the 2-4th jan!
its partly my fault as I was new to hosting so wasn’t clear in my boundaries and to be honest it didn’t occur to me that anyone would want to spend so so much time visiting!

this would have always been a lot but they didn’t do anything to help or cook etc or go anywhere alone so unless I took them out they just stayed in the house with me running around the whole time providing! it felt way too full on!

I thought it was a one off anomaly but after the 2nd year when they did it again, and I couldn’t get out of it as trains had been booked for particular dates and couldn’t be changed!
I said new rule no more than 4 nights, absolutely maximum!

this year whoever is coming (not totally finalised) will be arriving on the 23rd (probably afternoon) and going home on the morning of the 27th. It long enough for a proper visit that’s separate from they busyness of Christmas Day then have Christmas Day and a quiet lazy Boxing Day but then everyone goes home!

I now assign small jobs too like lay the table or can you take that bin bag out or can you nip up to the shop for milk etc but unless I ask nobody offers. It’s a piss take I know but I also know it’s not malicious as there is autism involved and a couple of other issues that affect social awareness and interaction if that makes sense

I still feel that’s a long visit to be honest but it works better as I don’t see them much throughout the year so it covers a decent amount of catching up combined with celebrating Christmas.

In every single family occasion or holiday Ive ever beent o, this has always made it more festive and convivial. It gets people up off the couch and away from in front of the tv, gets their hands busy, conversation and chat starts, and everyone feels part of the day. And no one is bullied into being the slave.

I'd be changing their invite to Christmas Day only for their cheek!

Don't suck it up or you will be doing this every year. Tell them no. If they don't like it they don't have to come at all

What? You don't 'voice your concern' you just tell them. Why are you being pushovers?