AIBU to limit the duration of the Christmas visit

Ye this is why it has been settled as 4 nights. It’s way shorter that the original two+ weeks!

the guests I posted about are coming from a long way too (about 5-6 hours on a train) so it is a long way to come at a very busy time of year to travel for only a couple of nights. It wouldn’t be fair on them to make it visit shorter and while it can be stressful and annoying I love these people, they aren’t being deliberately rude or malicious so I also want to make an effort and do genuinely want to see them.

the first night is the arrival date so it is a short one anyway. Normally an easy dinner or chippy tea and general catch up with a not too late night as everyone has been travelling and I’m normally still working that day.

no cooking but that is my choice as they are not great in that department (plus it just adds more clean up) but iv added in asking for help with other jobs like I said in my last post. I’m also normally popping out on the 24th to pick up last minute bits that the shopping missed etc

This was my in-laws at my SisILs a few years back. They’d stay from about the 22nd to early in the new year, like characters in a Jane Austen novel. I think it used to drive her potty and boundaries were put in place.

To be fair, we are also annoying visiting relatives at Christmas but only because it makes sense for us to travel because of where everyone is and because of the distance involved you need to stay around 3 nights for it to be worth it (plus we don’t see family much throughout the year). If it were up to me I’d quite happily stay at home.

Anyway, YANBU. At least ask everyone to take turns cooking and make sure you get out and do your own thing.

No point starting a thread if you're ultimately unwilling to do anything about the situation.

I’m with you OP. My family live 3+ hours away and I always invite them for Xmas. They arrive Xmas eve and leave on 27th. It’s lovely but is hard work as it’s constant feeding and clearing up on a loop. I do look forward to the days after, before new year when it’s just me, DH and the kids and we can do things to put own timetable, go for long walks, watch films and eat up the leftovers.

@ConstanceM It was definitely a tense Christmas. DH was left under no illusion about how I felt and told that it was never to happen again. He was furious to be fair, and read them the riot act. MIL and SIL have long since died so the passage of time has dulled it a bit. Definitely wasn't funny at the time!

I can't believe what I've just read about your MIL inviting other people to you new house at Xmas. 😡 Even my temple veins started to pop when I read that. Your DH needs to grow a pair and set some ground rules of behaviour for her. I banished my MIL for 6 months when my eldest was born for saying and doing mad shit. She needs to calm the F down or be ex-communicated. Failing that try garlic, holy water and a cross. I feel for you 🥺

@ConstanceM I know! I couldn’t believe they were staying in the first place but didn’t want to rock the boat. You want to know the best bit? We’d only just moved into our house together and it our first Christmas hosting. My mum was there too. In the middle of lunch on Xmas Day MIL announces that she’d invited other relations to OUR to house on Boxing Day without asking us first! I was incandescent, but again didn’t want to cause a fuss during lunch. I did go ballistic at DH in the kitchen later and told him he needed to put them right as I was taking my mum home as planned on Boxing Day and he could deal with it. Suffice to say they never did it again😡

6 nights is too crazy, I’d be imprisoned for murder at the 4th night! Can’t they do what you said about going back to their parents? I’d definitely would be giving them jobs throughout. You don’t run a hotel and if mil is demanding, then she needs to be directed to help herself and not be a pain if she’s mobile.

This one is taking the ROYAL piss. They cannot stay if they live 40mins away, absolutely no justification for that. If they drink alcohol, fine, 1 night MAX, then on your merry bike..honestly people people. You're allowed a life as well.

I'd allow them but I wouldn't be cooking for all of that time. They can all chip in for takeaways.

I agree with most of the postings that 6 days hospitality is a little too demanding but can see you’re in a difficult position. I hope it all works out for you.

Tell them you eed some help, just because they don't cook does'nt mean it should all be up to you on your own.

Many hands make light work, so delegate.

Have voiced concerns to SIL and PIL but they still all want to come for 6 nights -

what did you say?!

Not sure why me accepting the will of PIL in their 80s and SIL and DC on their first visit from another continent in 5 years bothers you quite so much- kindness isn't maybe one of your driving forces.

As i said, I wouldn’t consider not having them for a moment if i cared for them and loved them. Given you do… then it wouldnt have occurred to me in your shoes not to.

As i say, my bafflement is just to start a thread about something you really don’t want to happen and worry that you’ll be “run ragged” and it will all fall to “me because no one else cooks”. but turns out all you want is anonymous posters to advise you not to do it but then when you decide to “suck it up” get snippy at anyone wondering why when you give a very strident argument as to why you’d never consider not having them 😆 (clearly you did give it some thought but both you and your dh (who won’t be doing anything!) decided to suck it up!)

Good Lord no: I don't even let family members stay overnight! We have a tiny house though.

baffiling you started the thread when clearly you had no intention of changing any of the plans at all!

Don't say they have to return to the parental home. Just say you'd love to have them for 3/4 nights but can't do longer. It's up to them where they stay after that.

This.
Seriously, 3 nights is more than generous.

You're going to ask for money though yes?

You can't afford 4 extra people for 6 days.

ok i’ll expect a thread on the 28th