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AIBU?

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Original poster

DD being petulant over DGP visit (18yo)

266 replies

Norzilla · 11/11/2024 01:25

So I invited DGP over ( 78yo ) for Christmas this year. They went to DB last year. If they don't come here they will be alone this year. DD is outraged to have them here despite no real reason for it. She is 18yo at uni locally and still at home.
Tonight I had a huge row, explained DGP might only live another 15 years and least she can be is kind and empathetic to me and them. Much stropping ensued! DGP have their own room but will use the bathroom. I told her she was being rude and a brat. AIBU?

OP posts:
LuckySantangelo35 · 11/11/2024 12:27

ilovesooty · 11/11/2024 12:04

She won't have any real understanding of the concept of aging at her age. Did you at 18?

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@ilovesooty

of course! People know that people get old and die way before the age of 18!!

WinterCrow · 11/11/2024 12:24

croit · 11/11/2024 12:15

Why do people infantalize 18 year olds? They need to learn the realities of life and death otherwise it's going to come as a horrible shock

The university admissions process encourages it by treating them as financially dependent children. It's bizarre.

croit · 11/11/2024 12:15

Why do people infantalize 18 year olds? They need to learn the realities of life and death otherwise it's going to come as a horrible shock

LifeExperience · 11/11/2024 12:11

She is indeed a rude brat.

MrsSkylerWhite · 11/11/2024 12:09

Have you asked her why?

croit · 11/11/2024 12:08

Very much so as my parents spoke to me about it, all part of your education!

ilovesooty · 11/11/2024 12:04

croit · 11/11/2024 11:56

There is also no evidence of the daughter being lovely
She needs to think forward that one day she might be old and you reep what you sow and all that

She won't have any real understanding of the concept of aging at her age. Did you at 18?

Nothatgingerpirate · 11/11/2024 12:03

MrsCatE · 11/11/2024 08:06

It's a few days! It's not as if she hasn't got loads of time off. I'm sure entitled brat is expecting Santa coming down the chimney plus stocking filled with sweets and Pandora jewellery - not forgetting GFPs Amazon gift cards and Pony in the garage. She'll then complain she's changed her mind about being Vegan - why didn't mother read her mind? Wheres the Turkey / Goose / Roast potatoes cooked in beef dripping and friend's mother always provides home made Yorkshires. She'll then remove herself to mate's house (because you forgot to stock Malibu - last time it was JD and Coke) with more accommodating mum - the one that's been cooking for days; and removed her parents to freezing cold, hugely expensive AirBnB (illegal extension) because her daughter's friends may want to crash. Friends will - helpfully inform, at last minute, of various food intolerances - involving last minute dash to Waitrose; fighting for the last trolley. Knocking OAP over to get lOat Milk and Gluten free anything. Heaving a sigh that at least you're not trying to get a Turkey at the last minute! Return to houseful of whingy teenagers complaining how they can get Dominoes Pepperoni Pizza on tap plus where's the Turkey?

Oh, you do have some point, but come on!
😂🙄

croit · 11/11/2024 11:56

There is also no evidence of the daughter being lovely
She needs to think forward that one day she might be old and you reep what you sow and all that

DoreenonTill8 · 11/11/2024 11:49

potatocakesinprogress · 11/11/2024 11:04

It's all the grandparents, either thinking about it from their own perspective or taking their own family frustrations out on her.

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This, quite disconcerting the bile and hate fired at the DD whilst no back story from the OP! Although if the GP and DM are anything like these posters, kicking her out, telling her she's not wanted, a brat, a bitch..
No wonder she won't want to see the GP!

canyouletthedogoutplease · 11/11/2024 11:35

There's more to this, as there always is with an outburst that's out of character.

What is your relationship like with this DGP?

Did you show any calm curiosity to your DD when she had this response before you called her a rude brat, and if so what did she say?

SilverChampagne · 11/11/2024 11:27

redskydarknight · 11/11/2024 11:25

I think the OP which deals entirely on the "duty" aspect of the visit (DB had them last year) and using emotional blackmail to convince (they will otherwise be on their own; they won't live much longer) suggests that OP probably does have more than an inking as to why DD thinks as she does. I wonder if OP's view is that if she has to lump it, then so does DD?

There is tellingly no mention of the grandparent being lovely, of DD (and OP) getting on well with them, the visit being enjoyable, it being a pleasure to have extended family round at Christmas etc.

It's all about how DD should "be kind".

Edited
Show quote history

Yes, that does sound fair enough…

redskydarknight · 11/11/2024 11:25

SilverChampagne · 11/11/2024 11:11

Surely op would know if her Mum was a negative arsehole, rather than being mystified by her dd’s response?
There’s nothing to suggest that it’s in any way justified.

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I think the OP which deals entirely on the "duty" aspect of the visit (DB had them last year) and using emotional blackmail to convince (they will otherwise be on their own; they won't live much longer) suggests that OP probably does have more than an inking as to why DD thinks as she does. I wonder if OP's view is that if she has to lump it, then so does DD?

There is tellingly no mention of the grandparent being lovely, of DD (and OP) getting on well with them, the visit being enjoyable, it being a pleasure to have extended family round at Christmas etc.

It's all about how DD should "be kind".

croit · 11/11/2024 11:19

I think children/teenagers need to be made more aware that their Grandmothers are their mothers Mothers!!!!!

SilverChampagne · 11/11/2024 11:11

ChristmasMovieTime · 11/11/2024 06:21

Or in some cases, the parents/ grandparents need to think why they’re not wanted.

We used to have an elderly relative some years for Xmas because she was a lovely person, very caring and added positive things to the day and our life in general. My children lived her very much. Our, their GPs parents...not so much.

I’m teaching my children to have people in your life who add to it, who care and are kind. By not having their GPs there, I’m teaching them to not put up with people who are negative influences and make everything about themselves, just because they’re family or happen to be elderly now. They were arseholes years ago when they were younger and they’re still arseholes now they’re elderly.

Show quote history

Surely op would know if her Mum was a negative arsehole, rather than being mystified by her dd’s response?
There’s nothing to suggest that it’s in any way justified.

JeremiahBullfrog · 11/11/2024 11:04

If you're only 18 yourself then 15 years is ages so not sure of the emotional force of that argument.

However she is being extremely unreasonable.

potatocakesinprogress · 11/11/2024 11:04

Purplewarrior · 11/11/2024 10:04

I’m quite shocked at the vitriolic responses aimed at the DD by some posters.

We have very little info here. She might have specific difficulties going on in her life, she might be a brat, or the DGP might be an aggressive alcoholic/misogynist/racist/homophobe.

Until @Norzilla gives us more info, it’s really impossible to know who, if anyone, is BU

It's all the grandparents, either thinking about it from their own perspective or taking their own family frustrations out on her.

Tink3rbell30 · 11/11/2024 10:57

What a nasty little brat.

diddl · 11/11/2024 10:52

Was she hoping for a quiet Christmas just the two (?) of you?

Will she be forced to keep GP company?

Seems odd when the alternative would be GP being alone.

IveGotToGoToMeDads · 11/11/2024 10:51

My only living DGP has been given 3-6 months to live at 89 years old.

Calmhappyandhealthy · 11/11/2024 10:49

Its your daughters home too. Rather than tell her that her GP is coming to stay, couldn't you have asked her what she thought and talked through options and length of stay?

Kate8889 · 11/11/2024 10:49

I think for many reasons you should sit down with your daughter and try and figure out what exactly is bothering her about her GP being over.

"DD, I'm trying to understand your point of view, please tell me what's on your mind. Why the reaction to GP staying over? Is it just that it's inconvenient? Or something more serious?"

Hoppinggreen · 11/11/2024 10:45

harriethoyle · 11/11/2024 10:25

My DM died at 76 and my DF's dementia now so advanced at 80 that he can't leave his care home. Tell DD to count her blessings - she should be ashamed of herself.

Unless she doesn't like them for some reason. I couldn't have cared less when my Grandparents died.
Not all GP's are nice

MeganM3 · 11/11/2024 10:38

I'd be the same as her. I don't like house guests, house is too small and only one proper bathroom.
Last time someone stayed over it was for 3 days and I had to bunk down with the kids and no one slept well, it was all just a pain.

One night I find ok but any longer and I'm very uncomfortable.
Would be too unrelaxing over Xmas.

There must be more to this anyway. What's the set up and why does she feel this way

LostTheMarble · 11/11/2024 10:37

MrsCatE · 11/11/2024 10:27

@Norzilla why is she not a petulant little madam?

We don’t have enough information to judge what she is or isn’t. The grandparents may be very difficult people, the daughter may be ND and genuinely can’t deal with change over Christmas, or she may just be spoilt. Absolutely zero idea based on the first post and the op not updating. It is very unusual at 18 for a teen/near adult to have this reaction to family visit over Christmas, it’s difficult to take at face value that she’s simply stropping.

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