DD being petulant over DGP visit (18yo)

Yup. Petulant, entitled arsehole. Can you send her back - anywhere? Not suggesting womb but anywhere else that would take her but from your post, I doubt anyone would accept her with open arms. The moment you'd suggest Granny has offered Car / Pony / pet of any description she'd stop her pouting.

So no good reason given, but you mention your DGP will use the bathroom so it sounds like your daughter doesn't want an old person's "cooties" in the shared bathroom then? Or maybe fears her DGP will be in there a bit too long, or leave evidence of their visit?

She has to grow up and stop being so precious. Your DGP might live another 15 years (optimistically) but it's possible that the remaining years when they will actually be able to come and visit you are far fewer. Once they can't manage stairs or need to be within 30 secs of a toilet or have mobility problems or need to be careful with the foods they eat, they will not want to uproot themselves from home. The decline can be fast and unforgiving. Your daughter can choose to behave in a civilised manner for both your sakes, or go to your DB / a friend for Christmas. Those are the 2 choices on offer and if she continues to complain you'll make the choice for her.

What a wee brat. No more presents from her DGPs now!

This.
I know how she feels. In my time, the only choice was to keep quiet to survive, when unwanted people were thrusted upon me.

Or in some cases, the parents/ grandparents need to think why they’re not wanted.

We used to have an elderly relative some years for Xmas because she was a lovely person, very caring and added positive things to the day and our life in general. My children lived her very much. Our, their GPs parents...not so much.

I’m teaching my children to have people in your life who add to it, who care and are kind. By not having their GPs there, I’m teaching them to not put up with people who are negative influences and make everything about themselves, just because they’re family or happen to be elderly now. They were arseholes years ago when they were younger and they’re still arseholes now they’re elderly.

For such a strong reaction there must be a reason for it.
Have you asked her why she doesn’t want them there?
We all know not all elderly people are sweet and kind.

Just ignore. Why would you even give it headspace.

What a pathetic young lady, childish too
Why not show her this thread? She needs to learn some manners and understnd that you are the adult and will determine who does and does not stay in your home.

Is there any possibility of previous abuse ? Is she in contact with them regularly through her childhood ? Has that changed since she became more independent? How is she when around them ? Do you have a good relationship with her? Would she open up to you if something had happened in the family ?

I would want to know the reasons for this reaction, so would look to sit down and hear her out. Unless she is always rude and unkind this is unusual.

I'd tell her it's your home and you'll invite who you like, if DD doesn't like it she's welcome to go elsewhere for Christmas 🤷‍♀️

The people who don't want grandparents or elderly parents around should really think about what their Christmases are going to be like when they're old. They are teaching their children that they won't have to bother with those older family members. Everybody, if they're lucky, gets old including unpleasant 18 year olds.

Oh what Christmas cheer

She’s a rude madam . No way would she be telling me who I could have in my house or not. So entitled.

Is there a backstory? Are they difficult to be around?

My kids wouldn’t want their grandparents to spend Xmas with us either. It would be a very different dynamic which wouldn’t be enjoyable.

I’d be furious if my teens tried to tell me who can come to my own home. Especially if it’s their own grandparents and they’d be on their own. Cleary zero compassion from her.

Is it in character for your DD to be rude and petulant? If not, then might she perhaps have a valid (to her) reason for reacting this way? Did you ask or just assume her reasons were not valid?

Also, how you ask matters because you could ask accusatorially immediately making someone feel defensive or you could ask with genuine curiosity and openness which might get you an answer closer to truth.

Not saying you’re wrong here by the way, but if it was my DD and her reaction was out of character to a close family member my first reaction would be genuine curiosity rather than immediately assume she was being unreasonable.

Also, she’s at uni and could have all sorts of pressures and goings on that make her prickly and unreasonable to the outside world. I know I did and was perhaps not yet as emotionally ready to deal with everything which resulted in me being a bit harsher than I meant or wanted to be with those closest to me, I could’ve really done with a hug and a listening ear rather than immediate push back.

You say “despite no real reason for it.”

If DD was asked, what would she say is the reason?

Our family generally lives to late 90’s .

15 years is a bit of a stretch. At 78 this could easily be her last Christmas . I'd be giving your daughter a sharp talking-to.

Is there a backstory? Is she usually so rude?

Unless there is a really reasonable back story, I would not be impressed and giving your dd short shrift.

Ignore her, if she acts up again tell her, it's your house so your rules and you can invite who you like without having to check with her, so be to be quiet and stop acting like a brat.

That is a bizzare mind thought. Really rather than wondering what on earth is happening, you'll make her miserable and chuck her out?

Could something have happened that you don't know about?