I (32F) have been married to my husband (35M) for 7 years, and recently I’ve made the decision to end things as result of him emotionaly abusing me and file for divorce. I truly believe I did the right thing, but now I am getting nasty messages and threats from his family saying they feel I’m overreacting and they have the audacity to say I am being the unreasonable one.
Here’s the situation. For a while now, I’ve felt emotionally drained by my husband. He can be pretty aggressive, always criticising me in subtle ways like making comments about my cooking or telling me I’m not “doing enough” exercise or helping out around the house. But I know I’m a good person and I work hard, so I just ignored his complaints. He’d get frustrated, but I figured if he really loved me, he’d understand how hard I’m working and not push me so much.The problem is, I don’t think he ever gave me enough credit for what I do. I’d often get irritated with him for not appreciating me, so I’d start ignoring him when he tried to talk to me. If he asked for affection or help with something, I’d tell him he needed to earn it by being more considerate.I felt like he needed to learn his lesson. I wouldn’t let him kiss me or touch me or have any physical contact, and I made sure to remind him how I didn’t “need him.” I told him he was lucky to have me at all, and that he should be grateful.One time, when he left the house for a few hours, I went through his phone because I suspected something was off. I found nothing, but I made a huge scene anyway, accusing him of cheating just to see how he would react and if he would admit to any infedility. I told him that i felt he was a liar and couldn’t be trusted, even though I had no solid proof. After that, I kept bringing it up in every argument, telling him that he’d already proven how much of a “failure” he was and that he needed to change before I could forgive him.Eventually, I decided I couldn’t live with him anymore. I reported him for emotional abuse because I felt like his constant criticism and lack of appreciation were wearing me down. When I told him I was filing for divorce, he begged me to reconsider, but I was firm in my decision. I told him that I couldn’t take any more of his manipulation and constant cristism and that I deserved to be happy.Now that the dust has settled, all of his family are saying I have been way too harsh in calling a simple breakup "abuse". They said to my face if anyones the abuser its me as I’ve been controlling by using affection as a bargaining chip, and that I was unreasonable by going through his phone and accusing him of things with no proof. They even say I’ve been emotionally abusive in my own way as one time he confessed to his mother that I was always making him feel like he was always walking on eggshells.I honestly don’t see it that way at all. I was just trying to protect myself from someone who didn’t appreciate me. I truly believe I’ve been the victim in all of this.