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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think it's impossible to make friends when you have two young kids

62 replies

Meowingtwice · 10/11/2024 20:02

I'm a fairly outgoing, friendly person. Ive had friends in the past. However since moving town 2 years ago I struggle to make and keep friends. We met a lovely family, only DC1 age 4 then kept falling out with their eldest DC - a personality clash. So I decided to stopped seeing them. I kind of felt bad but DC1 was having nightmares because of their disagreements.

We had other friends that moved abroad. On the school run I get on fine with the mums but if I suggest meeting it rarely happens, not enough to call them friends. The rare occasion someone wants to be friends they're not a person I want to be friends with ie don't share the same values.

Is it me? Am I missing something?

YABU - it's probably you or your family or you just live in an unfriendly town.

YANBU - it's so difficult to make friends and maintain friendships when you have a young family.

OP posts:
Original poster
Meowingtwice · 10/11/2024 20:16

Suzuki76 · 10/11/2024 20:13

Mine are NCT friends (6 years in with them now) and mums from nursery who now also have kids in Y1 at the same school. I can't say I've made any new ones in the past couple of years.

However, I do catch up with a couple on child free days which I'm assuming you don't really get if DC is 4?

DC1 is now 5 and I have a baby I feed to sleep so I don't have child free evenings.

I had two close friends and other friends where we used to live - after we moved away I only properly kept in touch with one as its quite far to visit. She's a lovely friend and I'm very lucky to have her but I'd also like friends in my town.

OP posts:
Original poster
Meowingtwice · 10/11/2024 20:13

Fimofriend · 10/11/2024 20:08

What about the neighbours? Maybe you could invite some of them in for a cup of tea or a BBQ?

Or sign your DC up for Brownies or football and see if you click with some of the parents there?

Does your church have coffee afternoons?

WI?

We get on with our neighbours and chat to them sometimes - they're mostly old people. I wouldn't say they're friends but definitely neighbours I'm glad to have.

I have a baby as well as DC1 so no time for extra curricula of my own. DC1 does tennis and i chat to the other parents but they're acquaintes rather than friends.

OP posts:
Catsonskis · 10/11/2024 20:13

We just met up without the kids if we were friends and the kids weren’t. You don’t all have to be friends?

or is it specifically that you want to be friends with the parents and the kids be friends too?

if the latter you have to put yourself out there in a range of places/clubs make the effort and you instigate the “I’m going for coffee, want to join” or “x and y get on well, fancy a walk to the park later and let them run off some steam,”

Suzuki76 · 10/11/2024 20:13

Mine are NCT friends (6 years in with them now) and mums from nursery who now also have kids in Y1 at the same school. I can't say I've made any new ones in the past couple of years.

However, I do catch up with a couple on child free days which I'm assuming you don't really get if DC is 4?

Original poster
Meowingtwice · 10/11/2024 20:11

Octavia64 · 10/11/2024 20:07

I made lots of acquaintances when my kids were this age. Playgroup, ballet, swimming, etc etc.

Quite often our kids didn't particularly get on but I enjoyed spending the time when they were in ballet nattering to the mum.

I do have acquaintances like this as I'm quite chatty and usually DC gets on with them well enough but they don't become friends.

OP posts:
Guavafish1 · 10/11/2024 20:10

I think it’s a mix of both in this case

Mary46 · 10/11/2024 20:10

Bit easier at school age I met the mams at parties. But yes can be tense if kids clash.

Original poster
Meowingtwice · 10/11/2024 20:09

minipie · 10/11/2024 20:05

I made most of my friends when I had young children via the nursery and school runs so I can’t really agree with you.

You sound a bit quick to write people off? I have friends whose DC don’t get on with mine (much as we tried) but I didn’t stop being friends with the mum just because the kids don’t got on.

I see. That's an interesting point. If your kid and their kid kept fighting everytime you met up how would you maintain the friendship? DC gets on brilliantly with most kids but it's like when he does clash (with about 1 in 20) its a big one - if that makes sense.

OP posts:
Usedtobeslummy · 10/11/2024 20:08

I moved somewhere 2 years ago and it is hard. I prioritise making friends above other things. And even then I don't have anyone I could call up to go for a drink with that evening. I can see glimmers of hope and think once all our kids are in school there will be brain space for more friends. I'd keep at it. It's normal.

Fimofriend · 10/11/2024 20:08

What about the neighbours? Maybe you could invite some of them in for a cup of tea or a BBQ?

Or sign your DC up for Brownies or football and see if you click with some of the parents there?

Does your church have coffee afternoons?

WI?

Octavia64 · 10/11/2024 20:07

I made lots of acquaintances when my kids were this age. Playgroup, ballet, swimming, etc etc.

Quite often our kids didn't particularly get on but I enjoyed spending the time when they were in ballet nattering to the mum.

minipie · 10/11/2024 20:05

I made most of my friends when I had young children via the nursery and school runs so I can’t really agree with you.

You sound a bit quick to write people off? I have friends whose DC don’t get on with mine (much as we tried) but I didn’t stop being friends with the mum just because the kids don’t got on.