My owner won't let me eat birds anymore

Only one....I'm plainly just greedy!

.

Have you ever got your head caught in a plastic bag handle???? Scariest experience of my 9 lives. The only way to get out of its deathly grip was to lose all rational thought and bomb round the house into every room knocking every breakable item my slave owned until it released me from it's clutches.

sorry to admit it guys but birds scare the shit out of me - flap and tweet it is horrid!
can I still hold my head up high if I attack plastic bags?

Some great revenge tips here. I'm only just getting over being dressed up in a witch costume for Halloween and dreading the Santa suit coming out.

I used to leave mouse guts on the bathroom floor for my human slave to stand on in the night when they went for a wee. I have to confess though that now I am older, I can’t catch mice any more. I have to make do with worms which I then hide under the edge of the rug so that they’re nice and shrivelled up when the slave lifts the rug to clean.

Hmm, I once had a similar problem.

I was homed to a family that were very easy to manipulate. The purpose was to keep my owners father company after he could no longer do what humans call 'work'following an serious illness. He thought he was the man of the house, a 'strong' human. I had him wrapped around my claws within 5 minutes of entering my new home.

One day, I decided to demonstrate my hunting skills to him. As he gazed through the patio windows, I caught a blackbird. I proceeded to eat the entire thing, including claws and feathers. I have to admit, I left the beak.
To my astonishment, the human had the audacity to throw up, and refused my entry back into the house for a few hours until they were sure I wasn't going to vomit (I did) or shit everywhere.

After that episode, I decided I would 'gifts them some birds, but they were rejected. There was 'the talk' amongst the slaves of collars and bells.

So I realised I had to then start threatening them. First, I Brough in a bird that was still alive. It couldn't fly but flapped around in fear downstairs.

I then had the collar with bell put on. I ripped it off once I got outside. That night I patrolled high and low. I found my next gift, a rotten bird carcass, gently left on one of my owners pillows whilst they slept, meowing and purring happily when they woke up.

They soon realised that they could not stop me and they then worshipped me again after I started attacking the local dogs.

I managed to hook one of those gold coloured things out of the pond in the garden, it was yummy. Also there was loads of added entertainment watching how my slave's slave got excited about it.

My slave's husband really groans if I bring in a bird. I decided to have one big go at getting him onboard during covid. Slave was out, he was on a work zoom call, so I brought a nice big pigeon in for him. We both did lots of banging and I made a bit of a mess with feathers, he was so annoyed and got the live pigeon off me.

Now I moved onto shrews, really good to do it at night and leave the leftovers at the bottom of the stairs where he'll step on them first thing in the morning. By the point I'm busy purring at my slave for by breakfast, so I'm immune to getting in trouble.

Last winter I gave a present of a half dead(alive?) mouse in my househelpers ugg boot 3 times. She screamed and threw it at the wall . Rude.

Bonus points if you can get a leaf to stick to your arse.
They love that.

Mine takes pictures of me in allegedly cute poses and puts them online.

You lot are amateurs.

Hide the corpses. Your servant won't be able to locate them until they are leaking fluid and malodours.

Moles are easy I find - they literally pop out of the ground and into your mouth.

I’m reliably informed (by people) that grey squirrel tastes like chicken and is great fried with onions and mushrooms. Give it a go, your owners will thank you for helping the reds.

I also find that if you cannot be arsed catching something and bring them a leaf they think that is really sweet

@sharpclawedkitten I am only one year old, I have a lot to learn. This thread is teaching me many things. I should absolutely not have claimed myself satisfied at two breakfasts, I have set the bar too low.

I think you mean your slave.

Ha!

I go far and wide in order to catch wildlife.

😆

Anyone on here tried to catch the birds and mice which appear on that big flat thing they turn on and off?
You know, they point a black thing at it and the birds just appear?

But the birds on it are really hard to catch. Don't get me wrong, I'm a professional, and I've caught a few, but they're harder to get hold of.

My human sits and laughs at me when she sees me chasing them.

😮

You should never eat them anyway! Leave them around the house so your humans can practice hunting, it’s the only way they’ll learn.
Never leave them as presents though, I once left a bat on my servant’s pillow as a token of affection and they were very unappreciative

It’s abusive. Your mental health comes first.

Start sharpening your claws on that leather chaise, but only in the middle of the night.
Crap in the back of the closet.
Crap in the kitchen sink.
Bring in a live mole. Let it go under the furniture. Make sure it bites you on the paw guaranteeing a £400 trip to the vet.
Or, limp for no reason, guaranteeing a £200 trip to the vet for no reason.
Or, both.
Pee in the linen closet.
Pee in company’s car.
Pee in the tumble dryer rendering it useless.
These methods have proven successful for me to be the most efficiently annoying feline.
Love, Sparky