My owner won't let me eat birds anymore

Go out somewhere and eat something disgusting that disagrees with your stomach, then come inside and while they're downstairs go upstairs and do a liquid shit on the owner's bed, ruin their favourite duvet and the brand new very expensive duvet cover they just treated themselves too. Then walk with your shitty paws to their granddaughter's bedroom, she's not there so you can have the freedom to shit all over her bed, pillow and mattress. Then you'll feel loads better so go to another room with your shitty feet and jump up and go to sleep on the bed. Don't go down until bedtime then listen to the reaction when they see what you've done.
They'll be begging you to eat birds after they've seen what you can really do.

I've found the best way for your human to accept you want to eat birds is to now bring in a live rat and let it loose in the living room. Extra points if you can also being in a live mouse on the same night and also let it loose in the living room! It will make your human a gibbering wreck. She'll be literally begging you to go back to birds!

And if that fails then bring in a bat and drop it behind the headboard of her bed ready for her to freak out at 3am when she switches the light on to go for a pee and the bat starts to do laps round the bedroom!

Honestly you'll be back to birds before you know it with her thanking you profusely.

But don't try pigeons, they are hard to get through the cat flap and you'll have to knock on the cat flap to get your human to open the door for you which ruins the element of surprise.

Whenever the woman puts some flowers in a vase, I knock it over, so I can have a drink. Then they complain about water all over the table! The flowers look a bit of a mess afterwards too!

Its so easy to wind them up! 🤣🤣

I recommend vomming down the back of the sofa. Takes them ages to find it. Double points if you include a hairball.

Even better, leave the heads on the carpet so they're greeted with a mousey grimace first thing in the morning.

Doesn't work for me. I choose never to stoop.

dirty protest 🤣

Do what I did. Piss in a plug socket and blow the electrics in the house. Or you could do a dirty protest on the back step.. I did that too.

I'm only just getting over being dressed up in a witch costume for Halloween and dreading the Santa suit coming out.

What do you think you are, a DOG? Shameful!

What about the huge bowl they keep in the small upstairs room- the one with the two lids, one with a big hole in it and one that’s solid. When the male slave leaves both up it’s really handy for a nice thirst quenching lap.

And my friend got put in this

Is this either adults being a bit strange and talking like 2 year olds or adults identifying as furries and being well …

that is appalling

Mine put me in this last year.

This is what you NEED to do...so your human realises just how grateful they should be that your usual 'modus operandi' is a straightforward KILL! 🐀

Cats can’t help their natural hunting instincts, and they will kill anything they can catch.

I actually find all that running about and jumping rather undignified. I mean just because we are 'made for it' doesn't mean we have to do it, no? I mean, my ancestors used to drink from puddles. I prefer a well-maintained indoor fountain myself. Failing that, a gently running tap.

Catch a mouse. Play with it for a bit. When you are bored, let it go to run around in their house for a few weeks! Catch it again and leave the liver on the landing one night - so they walk on it with their bare feet!

They’ll soon realise you eating birds is much preferable.

@murasaki

Sweeney cat here

109% shit in his shoe. I had to piss in one of my little slaves shoes when they tried to eat my food got to show them who is boss

I was very unimpressed when my slave had a guest to stay. So I sat on his rucksack, looked back at him over my shoulder, and pissed mightily.

For some reason she found that funny. He now lives here but doesn't keep his bag on the floor. Should I shit in his shoes?

I suggest you start sharpening your canines and practice your nipping now!

Oh I remember another good one. The male household help had annoyed me so I pooped in his gym bag, which he had obligingly already packed but not closed. He rushed off in the morning zipped up his gym bag and headed off to work. Lunch time went to the gym. Well there seemed to be a lot of shouting from what I could hear over the phone. Something about cat chop suey so I left for the night. Best safe than sorry.

takes over AlteredStater's keyboard

Oh I hear you, my slave had 'the conversation' with me - or several on that subject. My brother endured the same thing. His solution was to still carry on killing things but pile them up in the garden so no-one could be entirely sure who put them there. Worked a treat as my mother got the blame! 😇But I am far too lazy to make neat piles, I like to bring mine home and play with them.

What is this 'LTB' by the way? Lick the Birdie? Yes I like that.

You lot need to up your game. Mess with their heads a bit. A magpie's head on the hearthrug on Friday the 13th was my greatest triumph.