My owner won't let me eat birds anymore

Try loudly eating plastic bags in the middle of the night instead. After 2 nights they'll be bringing the sparrows to you on a platter.

Unlike dogs, cats cannot cope without eating flesh of some sort; they are carnivores so if you’re decimating the garden bird population all you are doing is what nature intended. I would ask if your owner is one of those cat owners who also feeds the birds thus providing the feline equivalent of McDonalds in the back garden.

Larry has a special door opener, we all should.

Fellow kitties! You are being ill treated! Where is your cat flap? If you want to be extra annoying you get the 2 legged one to accompany you to the cat flap and then wait until she opens it. You need a personal door opener, it's beneath your dignity to exit without ceremony.
Or course getting back in by yourself is fine. You don't want to freeze your bum off waiting for her. 😹

When I want to go outside and the slave doesn't want to open the back door, i shimmy backwards towards that cold white box with my tail wiggling. I've done it before and I'll do it again, they know that.

Open sesame!!

Beard oil that should read. Damn my lack if opposable thumbs.

I pissed on my slaves open laptop once. She first thought my mainly furless big brother had dropped his beard out on it. So they had a bit of an argument and then they sniffed it. Her fault for leaving it on the kitchen table. One day she might get it fixed. Now she guards her phone like it's a newborn kitten or something. If she leaves it on the bed unattended for a minute, I wind her up by sashaying over and around it with my tail twitching. We have to keep them on their toes, it's a kindness really.

Thank you for starting this thread, OC. Pissing myself (not in the air fryer) laughing…

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/mumsnet_classics/4607290-can-i-make-ice-cream-from-shrews

Late to the purrty - may have overdone the catnip last night.

I'm an indoor cat because my over anxious slave thinks I'll get run over or list, and as she thinks I'm the reincarnation of her dead DP I don't see the harm of humouring her.

It's because she took me to the pub as a kitten and apparently the pub is an important place for them, and I just thought the beer garden was specially designed soft play for moi, populated by loads of extra slaves whose attention I lapped up.

Now, your problem. It's obviously not one I've encountered myself, but according to my predecessors, bits of which she keeps on a shrine, and with whom I chat via the Meowja Board, your slave is being unreasonable because your intentions aren't evil.

Benny told me a great tail about leaving a stunned sparrow as a gift in her bedroom once which was supposed to become another pet, but sadly didn't survive the shock. Then there was the baby rat under the dressing table that had to be caught by her late DP who was naked apart from a pair of leather re-enactment gauntlets. It was 4 am and had been a gift after they returned from a 12 hour journey home from Germany. He was most miffed at the lack of appreciation.

Personally I have recently done a protest pee on her bed because she'd been out too much one week. There was much muttering about attachment disorder and separation anxiety - well she's got her own vet if that's a problem for her. Once when she came home after too much of her catnip I put her properly in her place by throwing up really quietly in her hair, on the bed and the thing she calls a chair drobe.

She once told me about a thread in here about ice cream made from shrews. I'll try and find it.

Meantime, good luck.

Don't i have to have a cloth thing on my head if I eat Ortolan? I fear it would be demeaning.

Refuse to eat until they bring you ortolan. Or LTB

With catgut, preferably.

My main slave had periods of being very unwell (I heard her call it MS)

So she was always around for fusses and food

My other slave (her youngest daughter) would feed me and fuss me whenever I wanted too

I'm a bit of an old man now,so hunting is underneath me-snoozing,fusses on demand and eating is my thing,I'll leave the hunting to my sisters

Anyway,main slave said something about going away to see her other daughter (something about her living miles away and she has her own daughter who's too noisy for my tastes) and main slave had packed a suitcase with lovely smelling clean clothes and left it,open on the table

While she was waiting for her lift,she nipped outside to see if the lift had arrived

What can I say?

I was annoyed she was leaving me and I needed a wee...

(This has been written by the friend of main slave who looked a cross between horrified and amused when told the story-i dont have thumbs so cant write,but if i could,id rule the world)

I know, right? I'm more than happy to share my food. But when my slave tried a cheese dreamie, she spat it out. She has no taste.

I've done that.
When they put something tasty on the table I always jump up and help myself.

I don't know why they make such a fuss. If they wanted a pouch of Felix I'd let them have one. Especially the cod pouches.

Does she eat birds?
Lie in wait when one comes out of the oven, & eat it when her back's turned.

Loving these replies! But they’ve got me thinking about humans. I mean I love mine and all - after all, they feed me twice a day like clockwork and the house is always so warm and inviting - but it’s just that they seem a little weak, if you know what I mean…

I’ve been testing my theory for a while now. There was the time I pissed all over the master’s important documents that he kept in a pile under the bed (I mean he was asking for it, right?) and although he was pretty livid it was all words and no actions. Then another time I brought in this mega rat I hunted. I wasn’t hungry or anything, just felt like it, so I set it free in the kitchen and the stupid thing ran under a chest of drawers and just sat there all night with its long tail sticking out. You should have heard the mistress scream, it was priceless! But again, she said all sorts of stuff but nothing actually happened. I still got my breakfast, just like always.

The latest thing I did was dump a dead bird in a pile of freshly laundered clothes and guess what… nothing. I mean I learned some new swear words, but the weakness. These humans think they’re in charge but they’re so gullible and they have zero self-respect.

So my advice… she may have said you can’t eat birds, but don’t let that bother you. Do what you damn well please and she’ll still let you in when you stare through the glass door (cos you can’t be bothered to use the flap) and she’ll still be thrilled if you let her scratch your tummy or you roll on her keyboard the minute she sits down to work.

Power to the Cats!

Freddie

Saturday night’s made for fighting I say. I gave that Freddie next door a good slap and put him in his place. He’s now done up like a big girls blouse with some fancy cone like thing around his neck and has even shaved a bit of his own fur off as well. Silly bastard.

I don’t really understand why she is so bothered. I’m a 15 year old Labrador and I used to love eating dead seagulls on the beach. The older and smellier the better. My owner seemed to love it. She would chase after me in glee, waving her arms around in enjoyment and the shouting would get higher and higher the faster I would get. Good times.
Then she would spend ages on her phone manically texting everyone the good news. At least I think it was that. I saw her type in ‘can dogs eat dead birds?’ and ‘do bones get stuck in dogs’ but I can’t read so probably could have been anything tbh.
You do you 🙌🙌🙌

The best game is distracting the man (I still don't approve of him invading my space, even though he's been here 70 years according to my time frame) by wanting to go out, being STARVING etc so he gets up, and I steal his place on the sofa. My principal slave seems to find that funny too.

Pesky humans, but what were you doing listening to them? Jeffrey has a cheek laughing at you, he still sleeps with his teddy. I find sitting on my humans head at 5 in the morning great fun. Random slaps with claws oot while playing helps keeps humans in check. Don't forget the classic asking for door to be opened so you can sit n stare at the rain pissed off they won't make it stop but now door open prevent them from closing it so they get a draught

I don't understand my slave. I've heard her complain on many occasions that she can't find hats that suit. When I offer my services in this department by sitting on her head while she is asleep, she complains again when she wakes up with my luxuriant orange fur in her eyes. Ungrateful baggage.

I find crunching the bones loudly outside their bedroom door at 2am does the trick. keeps them on their toes!