My owner won't let me eat birds anymore

Instead may I suggest that you are supposed to look at the dot without moving, then look at the human with complete contempt and walk off, and you must totally ignore them whinging about the fact it cost them £20 off Amazon

It's actually imperative to do this whenever they buy cat toys.

Do not engage. Always walk off.

Gets them every time.

You mean you chase it? they are having a laugh at your expense, you will never catch the dot!

Instead may I suggest that you are supposed to look at the dot without moving, then look at the human with complete contempt and walk off. and you must totally ignore them whinging about the fact it cost them £20 off Amazon.

Birds and that...yeah, whatever.
But what is that pesky little red light that hops about all over the floor. I can never catch it. Really annoying.

But which heaven do the crows and hawks go that attack fellow birds? Not really fair either, if cats have nine lives and birds only have one.

You will have to do it nine times before it works though.

Omg that cat 😂. Even lions would faint.

Ooh, what a lovely mean glare you have. A worthy cat of the week.

When we lived in London, I was Cat of the Week in the Southgate Small Birds and Rodents Society Newsletter.

My friends told me it was not anything to be proud of. It was a warning. To the birds and rodents.

But clearly my friends were just jealous.

Wow you are my heroe! Can I have rabbit hinting lessons please? I am not good with squirrels, but I may be able to ambush small rabbits...

I am really good with birds, including small crows!

I offer a compromise.
Suggest to this human "owner"(????!!!!!) to buy you some turkey, chicken and so on when they get their food. It does quite taste the same, but you do not need to bother with the feathers.

Look. I know you’re trying to do a nice thing by attempting to train your useless human to hunt, but it won’t work. Seriously. Just give up now. Stop bringing them the training aids.

I knew it was a lost cause when the canned hunting started. A container of rodents appeared in the play room. The humans lift the lid, take out a rodent, and make all these happy noises. Then - and I kid you not - they put the rodent back.

I tried to increase the challenge for them by poking my paws through the cage to prod the rodents to at least make them run round a bit, but they’re so basic level that they actually approached my paw and made excited squeaky noises. FFS.

The small humans have other small humans round, and they show off their appalling fake hunting skills by presenting them with the rodents and passing them round. They don’t even bother trying to chase them.

Honestly, I’m embarrassed for them.

Respect

I brought mine a dead snake to show them who’s boss. Made them grateful it was just birds after that!

dont mean to derail the thread - cba to start a new one . And also sure I’ll be flamed for my Gen Z type attitude … but don’t anyone like their bells? I love mine. It’s so pretty and tinkly
, I get different bells for different occasions. Love them all. For context, I don’t really enjoy chasing birds and mice. Why would you? I get all the exercise I need by leaping up and smacking the flatscreen . Box sets are good for endurance training.

I don’t often get to share my innermost thoughts irl, so thx for this post @AHungryCat apologies for gramma and punctuation

Its not hate speech! Humans are like kittens - we box kittens round the head with our paws to teach them not to bother us, when we have had enough of them. We can't reach with humans, so we have to use other tactics to keep them in line for their own good! They need to know their place in our family, which is bottom of the hierachy, with me as the alpha!

Did u vote brexit

Catxit by any chance?

How about a mouse arse with tail and and half a leg still attached? Leave it rght on the spot where first human puts her (bare) foot as she steps out of the door and watch her dance...

I love this post, thank you so much for the laugh 😹

If you’re really smart you’ll hide your furry snacks in one of your slave’s wellies and use the other to crap in. His slippers are another good resource.
Mind you, if you really want to piss them off hide a dead bird behind the fridge, they’ll spend hours emptying it out and cleaning it , giving you plenty of time to go hunting uninterrupted.

Show your owners that you've become a vegan by going outside and eating grass and then returning and sicking it up in their slippers whilst they sleep.

There's a road nearby you where if you keep dashing in front of traffic it'll help.you go to cat heaven where you can eat all the birds you want to.

Go on try it. HTH

You think you've got problems. I have put up with the stupid canine my slave insists on having here, but now there's a PUPPY. I'm furryous, I tell you. This is me, telling it who is in charge.

hunt sky raisins. they DO require a different technique. you need to kind of cup your paws and grab them between them. but your humans will be endlessly entertained by your agile leaps and flips in the ear, and they're actually rather tasty.

but not the spicy sky raisins. that's a bad idea.

Well. I have given my ears a wobble and have tried to make amends to my slave by headbutting her with affection. The first one dented her nose with her reading glasses and the second one caused her to spill half a cup of tea down her dressing gown and over the duvet. I then did my best cute "tickle my tummy" routine and I forgot how triggering it is and accidentally mauled her hand - she forgot the oven mitt she keeps for this game so it's her own fault. In the spirit of keeping her sweet, I affectionately ambushed her when she was half asleep on the way to her big litter tray and caused her to stub her toe in the dark because she's half asleep and didn't want to turn the light on.

Now I'm trying to persuade her back to bed by nipping her feet while she finishes her business.

Honestly there's no pleasing these slaves !!!

Catire, possibly.