My owner won't let me eat birds anymore

You are totally not handling your owner right! You have to show them who is boss.

Personally, I just ignore my owner if I see a nice pheasant! They are easy to catch and when I grab them I show them off to my owner so they can see how skilled I am at pheasant catching. I then eat the whole thing, head, legs and all so my owner doesn't have to feed me. They still get cross with me which is ridiculous considering I'm saving them a fortune in dog food.

If my owner decides I can't be trusted off lead, I just tug really hard or slip my collar because let's face it, deer and pheasant are delicacies and I'm not going to be prevented from chansing them and eating them if I want.

Humans just don't get it.

I was saving this dessicated pigeon corpse to do some crafting and along she comes and steps on it. The crushing sound the bones made was awful. Ruined it she did. And what was all the fuss about bare feet? Never did me any harm.

I lovingly placed a dead crow next to my human’s pillow, early one morning, so that it would be the first thing she would see when she opened her eyes. She was so excited!

OMG, you are super cute or super mean cat.
I do have a hold on my humans, but putting a mouse in their bag..... I am not sure how long it will take for them to forgive me after that....
I suppose is better a dead one than an alive one!

I left a small tea break snack in my Humans bag. She was not very grateful when she got to work.

Why is that big creature who hides the food so stupid? It puts the Dreemys in a cupboard and shouts at me for opening the cupboard and ripping the packet open. It should be rewarding me for my deftness and ingenuity, and it's not my fault that MiniMe was sick from eating too many.

And they fall for it every time!

I'm constantly amazed at humans inability to work out we are fucking with them.

I love it when she buys me new food to try. I lap it up, purring and give her big yums, rubbing my head against her leg etc. Then when she buys a massive box of the same stuff, I poke it disdainfully with my paw, give her my best "What's this shit?" look, and walk away. Cracks me up, every time. 🤣

They are just bores.

Why do the slaves not like the fact that I store bits of wet food under the armchair for later snacking ?
I always find it by smell.
Eventually

My slave sometimes buys me a big expensive box from the Amazon and then she gets all excited like stoopid slaves do, swearing about finding scissors and moaning about her nails trying to to get the sticky tape off. Tedious, what I have to put up with. After a lot of faff and bits of plastic and bubble wrap flying about, I finally get my box. My brother and sisters want a go in it but it’s mine so they can do one. Whilst stoopid slave gets all excited reading instructions and shouting at deputy slave about getting his arse in gear and putting the latest bit of tat together, I do a bit of interior design, and chew the corners and claw a few bits off my box. Called up cycling. Then I have a week or two of getting in my box as soon as she moves near it to put it in the recycling bin.
Chairman Meow.

I think these poor misunderstood cats should create a great uprising of refusing to help around the place and lay around being waited on

What really winds them up is when you hunt THEIR food - I pounced on the younger daughter's sausage last night and ran off with it in my mouth. Oh, the drama! You wouldn't believe it.

Something which also provokes the mother's ire is when I take my own food out of its bowl onto the floor for attack practice. Tends to result in sarcastic comments like, "there is no need to savage your food, it is already dead."

I should add that these little habits are all for the greater good, but a fat lot of thanks I get. I'm actually an extremely skilled assassin, but the young daughters cry and say that I'm a murderer. So I'm trying to preserve their FEELINGS by hunting sausages etc instead, but they're not very grateful.

The baby is worst of all. Since it appeared a year ago it's taken up all of the mother's attention and I'm considering reporting her for neglect. I've been driven to selling my favours to strangers passing by in exchange for petting and Dreamies.

"A big cat did it and ran away". That's what I always say.

I always secretly rip open the presents under the Christmas tree. And always blame the dog. But sadly this year my bf forever dog is no longer with us, so not sure who to blame this year.

Oh boxes! Lovely they are. I also force my humans to keep them around for me.
But my favourite is shopping bags. I just jump in and they carry me around when I please, like they can buy something as gorgeous as me!
My silly house cat mate got himself tangled on the handle last month. Now I struggle to force the humans to comply with the bag carrying game! Honestly, some cats!

I totally disagree with my slaves' choice of hard flooring throughout the downstairs. But when I helpfully try to carpet it for them with my lovely ginger fur, they seem displeased. Ungrateful so and sos. I shall not stop though, we will have a golden orange carpet.

Extra cat points for refusing to get out of the cardboard box that the new expensive cat bed arrived in whilst ignoring the new cat bed entirely.

I love boxes. My slaves are so stupid, they keep them for ages as they think I sleep in them all the time. I do not, I get in and smile winsomely on bin day. And lo, the box lasts another week.

Actually, yes. The boxes are good for sleeping in.

If they've already got you a selection of cat beds, you can really annoy them by sleeping in a box instead.

Play with the packaging.
Paper bag, cardboard box.
Totally ignore the expensive toy they have wasted their money on.
Don't even give it a single GLANCE

Oh, thanks! I had not thought of that.
I will take a trip there and try. The slave will be in a pickle when I turn up later than usual. She may give me some nice treats too!

Wow you are my heroe! Can I have rabbit hinting lessons please? I am not good with squirrels, but I may be able to ambush small rabbits...

My cat-in-law recommends visiting your local allotments. Lots of dozy baby rabbits.

The only drawback is the humans get so ridiculously sentimental about anything they think is cute or fluffy :( Worse than with birds. You may find yourself grounded.

Or worse, catio'd.

I’m quite partial to a rolling nut myself. Love Christmas, hazelnuts are the best. Quite like a quick shimmy up the Christmas tree too, the taller the better. And the baubles!

Meanwhile, the humans try to distract me with fancy feather toys and catnip mice… they’re so needy.

Unless it's the little crinkly fishes I was bought as a kitten. I will admit when they reappear from under chairs and beds during the move the furniture cleans I am immediately a kitten again.

I love my little fishes even if it does elicit "ahhh you are sooooo cute" noises from the human.

All other toys are given the look of contempt (although I will snuggle with the catnip ball but only when she's not in the room!)