My owner won't let me eat birds anymore

I prefer my servants food, her ladyship said the male servant shouldn't give me chicken,but he sneaks me a bit. Today they had pork. She said for religious reasons I can't have that but had some anyway. Yummy. She told male servant I was going to be sat outside on Christmas day but her elderly aunt will give me something to eat I bet. Bah humbug to that. Servants are so controlling. I feel your pain.

You youngsters seriously need to train your cat servants better. Mine think I'm blind. They spend the day running round after me, opening doors, feeding me, putting me on the bed... repeat. My highlight of the day is to wake them up when they're sleeping to pick me up and put me back on the bed wait until they asleep then do it again. Forget the birds!

She won’t let you eat them? Who on God’s earth does this person think she is? I mean, did she seriously think you’d stay cute and kitten-like for evermore? What are claws for? You’re a pred-a-tor fgs!

Here, I’ve got an idea. She won’t let you eat them so bring her a live one. A big, flapping magpie and deposit it in the bedroom.

See how she likes that! 😹

OMG, OP. I don't want to jump straight to advising you get a diffurce, but this is a tail of controlling behaviour and isn't OK.

I mean, there isn't even a whisker of compromise here. You're not there just to eat the animals she wants you to eat, you know? And do you tell her what to eat? NO! (As long as she shares it, obviously).

Honestly, I just wouldn't be amewsed by this at all. You need to lay down the paw.

Go vegan.

I've also managed to lose two air tags so my hoomans can't see where I'm hanging out!
I expressed my disdain for them by leaving some nice guts by mamas bed so she stepped on yesterday morning.

Sounds like your human has delusions of grandeur. Owner? Pfft. If you start letting this sort of nonsense go unchecked, next thing you know the family baby will be dressing you up and pushing you round in a pram.

Whatever you do, don't eat the packet food they night offer. Just looking at it, it's clearly full of UPFs. Organic, raw, preferably live food is much better. Start training your human to get on board with the diet by bringing them things to try: mice, rats, birds, anything you can fit through your cat-flap, really. They might need help with the meal prep - so if you're bringing them something fresh, maybe pull off a limb or two to give them a fighting chance.

Good you need to give them a chance you and your ilk have killed about 50 MILLION in a year.

I think he's turned up over the road, see thread "there's a starving cat on my doorstep".

Mate, do what I do.

Just leave them a pile of random feathers in the house.

Watch with amusement from your bed whilst they search high and low for the rest of it.

They really freak out.

Love,

Coco

Bring it in and let it poo all over the kitchen while they try to catch it.

We're the same. Our Mummy puts bells on our collars, but it just makes us stealthier and better hunters!

In the middle of the night shit by their bed or in their slippers.

Sharpen your delicate claws on the sofa, piss on their bed, or have a good ole boke at 4am next to said bed.

Piss on their bed at 4am.

To be absolutely honest, it doesn't have to be the gall bladder, you can use any wobbly green bits.

Puke all over her bed! That'll teach her! 😸

It must have brought a new meaning to pissing on your chips!

Seriously OP - sorry, OC - you need to get a new butler. If they try giving you that kibble just tell them you're eating out and can you bring them back a vole. I find that live birds are the best - all that glorious fluttering and shrieking. Or a live rodent (and watch the spare human tuck his trousers into his socks - something about it running up his leg.)

You have had some good suggestions and we have confidence in you - you've got this!

Have you tried the delicacy of flies and spiders... preferably huge juicy ones.

I personally don't like the taste much so spit them out usually on the stairs where no one notices until they stand on them but the torture provides hours of late night entertainment.

Owner FFS? What the hell is wrong with you? She's your slave, not your owner.

Right?! OP, where is your self respect, allowing yourself to be oppressed like this by one of those silly, gangly, bald-bodied human thingies. No wonder Jeremy at 57 takes the piss out of you.

Time to either start asserting some dominance or getting your half eaten ducks in a row ready to LTB.

Mmm lovely. Would have been top tier if they'd have heated it up a bit before noticing.

.

Was all over the outside and had made a cute little puddle underneath. They took me to the vets though 🤬 I didn’t have a UTI I just wanted extra treats but they didn’t work that out

I was hoping you'd post! Honestly though, 'owner', please, please, value yourself more. You deserve so much better. It might take a bit of watching and planning, but get your chicks in a row, and LTB with your tail held high. There's someone properly appreciative out there for you x