My owner won't let me eat birds anymore

A dead rat left where the owner can step on it’s fur in bare feet (my catty friend Lola did this to her Owner) and you will either face your owner’s ire or they’ll be so impressed they’ll leave you alone to dispose of more birds.

I once munched on a visiting vicars bible, while he was holding it. It didn't taste great, but it made them pay attention.

A whole new meaning to pissing on their chips ….

I just work around that by standing in the box with my arse hanging out and shitting outside of it. Never fails to make my human 🤬🤬

Nah mate, as your nemesis I have no sympathy. I've been banned from hunting for years now despite it being in my DNA to hunt foxes, deer and rabbits ( will help you out with the rats too though).

Your mistake is killing the easy gentle birds. If you went after the magpies or crows you'd be fine. But you and your chums have eaten all the wrens, thrushes, Rubin's abd sorrows. Only git yourself to blame. .

LTB

Has your ability to procreate been taken from you though?

Did you say anything to your owner about it?

I think you’re going to have to go no contact with your owner OP. It’s time for you to set some boundaries in place for the sake of your mental wellbeing.

Psst, OP, for half a pack of Dreamies I can introduce you to Big Kev the kestrel. Half an hour of him in your owners living room and they will know birds for the feathery tweety bastards they really are.

DM me. He's very obliging if you know what I mean... <slow blink>

Be careful if you go further afield to hunt as some people will entice you in with food then take your photo to post on Facebook saying you're homeless 🙄 happened to a friend of mine who never lived it down!

Ooo, Muffin from two doors down goes through these like wildfire!

I love the way she struts home bare necked half an hour after a new one makes its appearance. 😍

Mine has the audacity to refuse to eat my really generous gifts.

I’ve only ever brought rats, leaves and insects and they end up in the big black box.

RUDE.

Oh, there was a pigeon once, but quite frankly it was on its last legs so it was a mere kindness.

I am particularly proud of the mole I brought in the other day for my human. She says she’s getting another one of those collars with the bell on it, but hilariously she buys the ones that quick release so I don’t strangle myself on a fence or something, so they never last long with me.

Mwa ha ha haaa 🐈

My advice would be to do what I did...crap in the very top of mum's slipper and leave no trace. Then just wait for the squelch followed by the scream then just slink on past head held high and exit stage left. Charles x

If they don't want bird, then bring other food for them.

I've found the best reactions were to a not quite dead vole inside a boot, discovered only when the senior female slave put her foot in it (why do humans have such inadequate paws that they need covering for so many surfaces?)

Or freshly slain mice on the pillow for breakfast, though you'll probably find that they don't eat them whilst they're still warm.

I feel your pain.

My servant stopped me going out early in the morning when the juicy little rodents are about.

I was doing her a favour...running around the house after them was doing wonders to eradicate a belly that fought with me every time I tried to get knee space.

You need furapy tOP cat, cos you think that you have an owner! You need to sort that right now and then you can deal with your slaves deluded behaviour. Stoopid hooman bean.

she should be grateful that you get yourself a a nice takeaway now and then. I regularly pop out for a Big Macmouse. Don’t always fancy my Gourmet, though I am partial to a catnip Dreamie whilst I’m surveying the bird table from the luxury of my conservatory cushion.
hope that helps
Chairman Meow x

Ahh bring in a live mouse at 1am then jump on her bed so she wakes up to see it running underneath the wardrobe! She'll love it 💜

Snakes. Does the trick every time. Particularly if they are venomous. (do wear proper gear while bringing it home and ditch that somewhere) Leave the snake in the middle of the lounge or under the dining room table. Sit somewhere high and meow in a piteous manner.

I like a challenge myself - I tried going for the four parakeets in next door’s conifer this morning. I would have caught one if a pesky squirrel hadn’t come along and scared them away - so I got him instead!

If your helpmeets are failing to serve you properly, learn to develop cystitis as a "stress response". If they're a bit slow and don't realise straight away, you can help them out by climbing into the bathtub and straining to get a single drop of wee out, while yowling mournfully. (You can also do this in the wok, on any pile of clean laundry, or on the miniature helpmeet while it sleeps, but the bastards may get the hump about it).

Wait until they go to the V-E-T for the extortionately priced antibiotics and learn to honour you properly, before making a full and rapid recovery. You may do this as often as you wish, but I would advise waiting until the last batch of antibiotics has just passed it's use by date.

Do a humongous Piss on their bed…dads side obviously…( I’m looking at you big orange Tom cat😡)

My attempts at getting my lot to improve their hunting skills was met with complete ingratitude. I'd carefully bring a live mouse or bird for them to practice pouncing to hone their skills because, honestly they are utterly crap hunters.

What's the thanks I've got? The BELL OF SHAME! I'm reduced to catching butterflies now. All the neighbourhood cats laugh at me and call me Jingles.

Don't let this happen to you!

It shows she loves you dearly. She doesn’t want you roaming around getting injured or stolen. Be glad. Believe it or not there are some cat owners that leave their pets roaming and if they get killed by cars they get another cat and guess what- they leave that one to roam around too.

They even convince themselves that a short ‘natural’ life is better than keeping their pet inside and providing care and stimulation to mimic hunting games.

You know all those posters you see looking for lost cats? They have owners that think cats belong outside fending for themselves.