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Original poster

My owner won't let me eat birds anymore

360 replies

AHungryCat · 10/11/2024 17:59

What should I do? She tried to talk to me about it but fgs

OP posts:
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17
CatCurious · 10/11/2024 19:51

LTB.

Also, get your ducks in a row (ready to eat them).

Beekeepingmum · 10/11/2024 19:49

Which to mice - leave them on the pillow - owners love that.

bellocchild · 10/11/2024 19:48

EerieSilence · 10/11/2024 18:02

If they put the collar on you, just pretend to choke on it. Gagging noises are great to attract the attention.

If you are going to throw up because of the collar, make sure you do it on the carpet, or better, a really special rug...

PandaChopChop · 10/11/2024 19:48

Longboi4eva · 10/11/2024 18:28

As your owner I suggest you take a long hard look at yourself as I know of a tiny violin that needs restringing.

Greg? Is that you 👀 😆

LammasEve · 10/11/2024 19:47

One of ours would like to know, if he's not supposed to chase birds, does that include geese? He likes stalking geese, I dread to think what will happen if he gets one.

K0OLA1D · 10/11/2024 19:45

Do you have a neighbour with a fish pond?

Nick one of the expensive looking ones! Everyone will make a real big fuss over that. Your slave might have to fork out for a cover for said neighbours pond to try and stop you stealing more

sharpclawedkitten · 10/11/2024 19:45

BlackboardMonitorVimes · 10/11/2024 18:35

My slave refused to feed me lunch, apparently the second breakfast I had was sufficient. Reader, it was not. So I have taken myself out and am ignoring all calls to come in for dinner. That will teach them.

The second was enough?

Humpf, I have breakfast at home, and then I visit my second slave and she gives me another three (Dreamie) breakfasts. And her relative gave me milk which apparently isn't good for cats, but I like it and it doesn't give me tummy ache. So now I jump on the table when she eats her porridge to get milk. And I don't even live there.

You sound like an amateur. No offence, like.

itsmylife7 · 10/11/2024 19:44

shellsoftheaea · 10/11/2024 19:39

This is a forum for adults right?

Adult cats or kittens are all welcome here.

forgotmyusername1 · 10/11/2024 19:44

On my slaves wedding day I brought them back a right feast. I laid not one but 3 mice by the back door. They had a man with a camera who was most impresses with my artistic offerings and took a photo however my female slave was not overly thrilled with my gift even though I laid them out in a lovely row. I was a bit miffed my gift didn't make the wedding book but some other people did - I mean purr-lease I put much more effort into my gift than the humans who bought things from that on screen shopping place.

TheShellBeach · 10/11/2024 19:43

sharpclawedkitten · 10/11/2024 19:40

Don't do that. I took on a squirrel and it chased me back and I ended up having to go the vet THREE times.

And they're not that tasty - they are rats with better tails after all.

Show quote history

And even their tails are overrated.

TheShellBeach · 10/11/2024 19:42

shellsoftheaea · 10/11/2024 19:39

This is a forum for adults right?

Adult cats, yes.

Although kittens are allowed to read The Litter Tray, to learn things.

K0OLA1D · 10/11/2024 19:41

Talkinpeace · 10/11/2024 19:31

Pop a half dead adult rat into her shoe

The rat would be fully dead if they left it in ds shoe 🤢

sharpclawedkitten · 10/11/2024 19:40

Urbanpomade · 10/11/2024 18:08

Have you thought about upgrading to a tasty squirrel?

Don't do that. I took on a squirrel and it chased me back and I ended up having to go the vet THREE times.

And they're not that tasty - they are rats with better tails after all.

K0OLA1D · 10/11/2024 19:40

shellsoftheaea · 10/11/2024 19:39

This is a forum for adults right?

Ah well. We got to 5 pages before someone came to piss all over our chips (in the air fryer)

Did anyone force you to read or comment?

lasagnelle · 10/11/2024 19:40

shellsoftheaea · 10/11/2024 19:39

This is a forum for adults right?

I think this thread is for adult cats

TheShellBeach · 10/11/2024 19:40

Pah! Just tell her you won't do it anymore.

Then, when your bring another dead bird in, just give her The Look.

You know, that look which they can't resist. They forgive you for anything anyway. Just play on that.

Humans are pretty easy to work out. They're so predictable.

shellsoftheaea · 10/11/2024 19:39

This is a forum for adults right?

WooleyMunky · 10/11/2024 19:36

LTB

Mygosh · 10/11/2024 19:32

Like who is going to know, just sneak out.

I prefer rabbits, nothing beat a fresh rabbit from the railway. My slave was putting them in the bin so I bury them now, hehe 😂 just got to remember not to take things through the cat flap.

Talkinpeace · 10/11/2024 19:31

Pop a half dead adult rat into her shoe

Gummybear23 · 10/11/2024 19:30

GO NC
This is just not acceptable.
Remember you are the boss.
Is there anywhere you go for a few days? Be good for your mental health. Will also
let them recognise and appreciate you more.
Ignore the posters put up looking for you.
If you can try to 🥸 Disguise your appearance.

WinteringWellies · 10/11/2024 19:29

Longleggedblond · 10/11/2024 18:54

I prefer my servants food, her ladyship said the male servant shouldn't give me chicken,but he sneaks me a bit. Today they had pork. She said for religious reasons I can't have that but had some anyway. Yummy. She told male servant I was going to be sat outside on Christmas day but her elderly aunt will give me something to eat I bet. Bah humbug to that. Servants are so controlling. I feel your pain.

Have you tried toast with butter and marmalade? It’s delicious. My servant makes it for me, leaves it on the side and then starts screeching at me - I can only assume because I’m eating it too fast.

I would also recommend slow worms, lots of fun to be had with them. Well until she starts screeching again. I really must find better staff 😼

WiseOldPusscat · 10/11/2024 19:29

Wait til you get to my age OP - I’m 92 (19 in human years) and like to have a nosy at the birds outside but I’m over chasing them. Instead, I do the sad eyes at the food lady, a little sigh and a paw at her leg and she gives me whatever she’s got on her plate! My favourites are croissants, ham rolls and scrambled eggs 😻 I also get lick e lix TWICE a day now.. I think she may be spiking it but I’m not too bothered as long as I get my treats.

Being old does not stop me practicing my favourite hobby, howling singing and I love to do it in the airing cupboard at 3 in the morning. My hearing has gone a little so I just do it extra extra loud. The food lady often comes to listen to me do it but she doesn’t look too happy which is odd, as I am a very good singer.

WearyAuldWumman · 10/11/2024 19:26

AHungryCat · 10/11/2024 17:59

What should I do? She tried to talk to me about it but fgs

Don't argue too much.

I know a poor sod whose "owner" makes him stay indoors all the time. She drugs him with something called Dreamies.

He's now an addled shadow of his former self.

PoorUncleBarry · 10/11/2024 19:26

Tolerate this nonsense for now op and wait until your hoomin is on a Zoom work meeting, act cute initially and then BAM, razzle dazzle them with the b0rthole. Collar and bell my ass.

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