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Original poster

What do you do about missed calls in a relationship if things are good otherwise?

68 replies

CallyT · 10/11/2024 17:36

This happens semi frequently. He also has high functioning ASD.

We'll have a time were planning to FaceTime/chat. He'll usually get in touch an hour later apologizing and either try to call back or suggest another time. Sometimes he even misses the other time and calls later again. I'm not happy with this behaviour.

I've told him it upsets me and makes me feel like not a priority. Inside it makes me wonder if he really loves me although it seems like he does when together. He apologizes and says he gets caught up other things and he has a lot on.

He messages every day so keeps in touch but I find it hurtful and I feel like a broken record?

OP posts:
redannie18 · 10/11/2024 17:48

Maybe he really doesnt enjoy phone calls. Autistic people can find them difficult even it they really like the person. I’d just leave it and see what taking his lead looked like.

JaneandtheLaundry · 10/11/2024 17:47

Is there a reason you can't call him?

Original poster
CallyT · 10/11/2024 17:47

Oreyt · 10/11/2024 17:45

DH works away (military). I don't call him he just calls me when he isn't busy.

I'm starting to think having agreed times to talk isn't working. He is the one that suggested this but it clearly doesn't work.

OP posts:
Oreyt · 10/11/2024 17:45

DH works away (military). I don't call him he just calls me when he isn't busy.

Original poster
CallyT · 10/11/2024 17:45

He's about to go on a work trip for two weeks so I won't see him for a while.

OP posts:
Original poster
CallyT · 10/11/2024 17:44

Bigcat25 · 10/11/2024 17:42

He should be trying to set alarms. However I have had an ADHD friend ask how another friend managed to remember to set alarms, lol.

Yeah. The issue I have is he knows how it makes me feel but keeps doing it.

Why isn't he taking steps to not forget?

OP posts:
Mrsttcno1 · 10/11/2024 17:44

I’m assuming you don’t live together or see each other often? If you do I don’t see the issue with not facetime/calling, I can’t be bothered with talking on the phone most of the time but I do live with my husband so I know I get to speak to him when he gets home anyway, maybe I’d feel differently if I only got to speak to him on the phone though

Original poster
CallyT · 10/11/2024 17:43

We aren't long distance exactly but live an hour apart and have both been busy travelling, me on a holiday with family and him with work, so haven't seen each other much.

He claims he will call me again at 8pm tonight. Does anybody need have advice for how I can handle this or change it?

OP posts:
Terrribletwos · 10/11/2024 17:43

@CallyT how did you get together in the first place; was he focused on you then?

Onyoupop · 10/11/2024 17:43

If I phoned my DH and he didn't answer I would just assume he was busy 🤷🏼‍♀️ wouldn't bother me in the slightest assuming he returned my call when he could.

Bigcat25 · 10/11/2024 17:42

He should be trying to set alarms. However I have had an ADHD friend ask how another friend managed to remember to set alarms, lol.

username7891 · 10/11/2024 17:42

I would stop making plans to facetime or chat since he rarely does it.

Conkersinautumn · 10/11/2024 17:41

Sounds like he has other priorities.

Original poster
CallyT · 10/11/2024 17:40

@goingdownfighting once he was at a 'last minute' conference that kept him.

He is a writer and tends to get deeply into his work without breaking focus for long periods. I think he forgets I exist during these periods.

OP posts:
QueenCamilla · 10/11/2024 17:40

OP, Are you long distance?
Why do you think he is not available at the arranged time?

goingdownfighting · 10/11/2024 17:39

What reasons does he give?

To me there is no stage in a relationship that you begin to disrespect someone.

coffeesaveslives · 10/11/2024 17:38

How often do you see/speak to each other otherwise?

I wouldn't be too bothered but I can't be arsed talking on the phone most of the time.

goingdownfighting · 10/11/2024 17:38

It will depend on the why I guess.

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