Why do parents say "You'll see" or "Just wait until..." to expecting parents?

I guess for a lot of people it's a genuine trauma, for which there is little support even when there are goos bits, and there isn't a good and safe way to process it, so like all humans they make mistakes in how they handle their emotional regulation.

I cannot stand the just you wait brigade. My MIL and SIL are like this.

When I was pregnant with DC1 it was 'you think you're tired now, just you wait until the baby is born!!!'

Now it's 'you think being pregnant with a toddler is hard, wait until you're outnumbered!!!!'

I don't do it. I just listen to mums of younger babies and sympathise because if you're struggling with the bit you're in, it's always valid.

The worst one was a really weird colleague who had two adult boys. 'Wait until they're 20 and they hate you'.

Because some people like to sound like know-alls. As in "Ooh, ypu aren't parents yet, well I am, and I'm so awesome for getting through this" even if prenting has been plain sailing, just to make themselves look like fonts of all knowledge.

I usually find these are the same people who tell teacher "Wait unril.ypu have little Jonny in your class, God help you" with tinkly laugh, making them sound like parents of ultra children, even though little Johnny just likes reading and picking his nose.

Yeah pretty much this

Probably multiple reasons.

1. As pp said they’re just miserable and like pissing on someone’s chips.
2. Theyre bitter as they were unprepared for the realities of having kids and are trying to “warn” you.
3. They lack the ability to socialise without insulting people.

I have a baby and have 2 friends currently pregnant, I do say “just wait until…” but only EVER positive things because it drove me crazy when people constantly told me negative things when I was pregnant😂 just wait until you see their little face, just wait until you get that first smile/laugh, just wait until that first cuddle… yes I probably did think or say things during pregnancy that now I look back on and think “well I was all wrong about that”, but constant negative comments when I was pregnant just annoyed me.

My most hated one was the “you think you’re tired now, just WAIT until you have a newborn”, which was absolutely 100% false. I’d take newborn tiredness over pregnancy tiredness every day of the week. Cuddling my tiny baby at 3am is a far nicer tiredness than going for my 500th wee of the night, crawling back into bed with back pain and then tossing and turning for another 2 hours!

There’s plenty of time for talking about the difficult bits of having a baby, it’s totally normal and healthy to talk about it, but there’s a time and a place, that time and place is not when you’re chatting to a first time pregnant mum who is already feeling a bit anxious, overwhelmed etc and doesn’t need the horror stories

Well only the GP would know… 😉

Perhaps they thought parenting would be a walk in the park and it's caught them out so they assume you're thinking the same. If that makes sense?!
Take no notice, it's your journey to experience in your own way.

Because they are smug dickheads who think pro creating makes them superior

Tbf though pregnancy lasts 9 months. I had 7 years of only four hours sleep as two of my kids were horrificly bad sleepers. Ruined my marriage and I went deaf at one point. True story

I LOVE this poem by Hollie McNish. It's called "if you think it's hard"
See her reading it live here https://images.app.goo.gl/nau8CuXJ6NHxGDGe7

Or maybe the adult child was just your average teenager who went through hormones and puberty like everyone else.

Maybe the adult child put them through hell?

Because there is solidarity in parenthood and this is how you get welcomed into the club?

Seriously, it's just people making chat. I wouldn't get hung up on this, just left it waft over you while smiling and nodding.

There is so much judgement and angst involved in being a parent - you just have to be a bit tough and not let things get to you.

Maybe you should have said ‘are you ok dear?’

This. I particularly dislike it when I hear a GP when their adult child is struggling saying something like 'It's your turn now' or 'You were like that, it's come home to roost'. It seems mean spirited and nasty.

Erm. You'll see

Some people do find pregnancy insomnia worse than the lack of sleep with young children. It’s different for everyone and not a competition.

YANBU OP, these people are very irritating. I think it comes from a place from either wanting to bring others down a peg or two or insecurity about their own experiences meaning they want to put a dampener on things for others. It says nothing pleasant about the people saying it!

I work with pregnant women. Not all but quite a few ( apart from thinking they are the only person to ever be pregnant with a holy child) have very firm ideals about what they will do and how they will parent children.

Then I see them for their second & third - and shit just didn’t pan out how they thought it would 😁

Oh I do remember saying it once ... just remembered! When my sil was pregnant she went on and on about how little sleep she was getting and how tired she was. Given I had two children under 3 at the time and was also knackered, I was getting a bit peed off with the drama of it all. I know pregnancy is hard but 'wait til the baby comes' did roll off my tongue...

As pp said, you can’t grasp what it is like to be a parent until you are one. It’s a whole other life. However I agree that it’s totally unnecessary to say it, I definitely never have and never will.

I’ve never said it out loud and can’t stand when people do but basically it’s because personally I went back on about 90% of the things I always thought I’d never do if I have kids!! I’d say it just slips out on a bad day tbh!!