To ask DH to continue to work

I moved with exdh to the countryside. I didn’t want to leave London

Biggest mistake of my life. If I knew then what I know now I would have divorced exdh before we moved

I hated it from the first day there. Took me 12 years to move back. Told dh if he wanted to move out again he was on his own

He sounds burned out. The question is how long would he enjoy all the countrylife with nothing to do.

You won’t get an answer, you do know that, don’t you.

Working in the city, especially in finance, is really stressful. Money is great but it doesn’t last as it’s not sustainable unless you want to wind up dead. Hence why you look at other options.

I do think you are being massively unreasonable here. If he’s had enough of his high pressure, stressful job and had the ability to downsize and prioritise family time/wellbeing - you’re in a fortunate position.

Unless he’s just a cash cow and you’re not all that fussed if he ends up with a nervous breakdown/heart attack or worse.

I’d probably love London too - if I wasn’t the one in the back breaking job working all hours to fund it.

When my DH goes for 3 hour walks alone, it's because he's depressed. Just saying.
But, you do you, OP.

It sounds like your husband is having a mental health crisis or experiencing burn out and long country walks are his way of coping.

You say "all" the children and enrolled in great private schools I presume this means 4 + children , could you downsize in London or use your annexe to generate an income. I would think 4 lots of school fees it a huge amount per annum unless you have a trust fund.

You need to find a compromise and I imagine you are busy work or no work running a large home and looking after a big family and lots of entertaining guests.

Your husband is looking for a simple life. Can you downsize in London and buy a country cottage for the weekends.

I love this post 😂 how many money drops-could buy a lovely country house
Private school
annex on your house
could buy a small cottage

bravo 👏

Oh and I do have some sympathy for you and think some posters are being unreasonable calling you "spoilt". Presumably because from what you've written, you're quite privileged.

I'm assuming a large part of the reason for basing your family's life in London was for your DH's job. You have built a personal and family life around that. You shouldn't be expected to uproot that settled life in a moment because he snaps his fingers at you. Moving is a big upheaval and has to be a joint decision with everyone having a say in the decision-making process.

Why have only a couple of posters picked up on the fact that the OP and her husband are in debt? I suspect this may be part of the reason why the husband sensibly wants to change their lifestyle as it seems likely they can’t actually afford it.

OP how much debt are you in? Is there any chance that you don’t actually know?

Do. Not. Move.

I loved living in London, left for husband/family and it’s not the same. I miss the place so much.

You're both being unreasonable imo. If your DH's work is financing your lifestyle but he feels that he can't continue in his job, then obviously the lifestyle cannot be sustained and is going to have to change.

On the other hand, it is a very drastic change to move your whole family out to the countryside to live essentially on some kind of "smallholding" and not work outside of it, so your DH is unreasonable to suggest that without taking into account the impact on you and the kids.

Essentially, you need to compromise. Your DH is telling you loud and clear that his present life is not working for him, so something clearly has to give. But there is a lot between living in London and living in an isolated rural location so hopefully you will manage to find a middle ground which works reasonably well for you all.

FFS! Read OP's posts. She does have a job. She just doesn't make nearly as much money as he does.

3hr walks every Saturday and Sunday?
Is he having an affair op and wants to change the living situation to benefit himself before a divorce perhaps?

I wouldn't be willing to move somewhere that isolating either way.

I'd look into building up your skills and possibly retraining to increase your income so you are less reliant on your husband.

She is making money (it's not her own business or working as an independent contractor), therefore it's a job. She is not making as much as her husband and I suspect that's because of the field she is in. In some fields earning potential is much higher than others. Exeperience, education (perhaps parttime hours) might also have something to do with it.

It's fine to agrue that their lifestyle is not sustainable. It's however not fine to missrepresent the situation and claim that the burden is soley on her husband. I doubt her husband is doing much childcare or household duties if he works as much as she says. She seems to be facilitating his career as well.

You sound envious as well as rude.
YABU.
OP I’d stay put; country life ain’t all it’s cracked up to be!

I can’t imagine anything worse than living in the country so this would be a relationship dealbreaker for me. If he insisted on moving it would be without me and the children.

Tbf to the OP, it’s not easy when your partner declares that they want to move and completely change your family’s lifestyle.

I’m married to someone who’s done this twice - declared that he wanted to make major moves, switch careers, etc. The first two were pre-children and I did consider ending our relationship the second time as I had a great job and loved where we lived. It was hard starting over in a new location.

A couple of years ago, when DH said that he wanted to retire to a rural area (having never even lived in the countryside!). I did have to say that now we have a family, we need to take it slowly this time and consider the whole family’s needs-so we’re waiting until DS is through uni. Plus again, I’m happy in my work and why should I have to start over yet again?

The OP and her DH will find a compromise, but they both need to compromise.

Could you not rent out the annex to fund your husbands career change?
Or move to a smaller place in London. Or to a place in catchment of good secondary schools so you don't have to pay for private schooling. You can stay in London but he can still reset to a certain extent if that's where the majority of the family really want to be.

They have zookeepers and gardeners in London too.

I earned a lot more than my DH. But when I realised it wasn't healthy or good for me to do the job any more he accepted my decision in a heart beat..
He wouldn't hold me hostage to a lifestyle making me ill so he could live a better life than he could provide for himself

So your London home must be worth several £million if it would buy a house elsewhere, children's private ed for some years, and his/your pension for another 50 years perhaps ( you could live into your 90s)

I guess he's either a banker or in private equity/venture capitalism.

Retiring at mid 40s is the privilege of the very rich.

Because he's the main provider, the call is his I'd say but what's most important is your children's education and how moving would impact on that.

You don't say how old they are and this is important.

His dreams of running a small farm sound 'Walter Mitty' - an escape from his stressful job but not founded on real life.

I assume if you're so rich he's in the financial sector so how much life-long planning have you done on this potential change?

YABU, yeah. "Sorry DH I know you don't like your job or our current lifestyle but I like art galleries so tough shit".... incredible.

on the basis of the Op…. unhappy, resentful and unhappily married

how the other half live ey!!!