To ask DH to continue to work

Yep this!!

You keep pottering around to your art galleries and museums whilst your husband is working himself straight to a breakdown funding your lifestyle.

It's evident here that job / home satisfaction only matters to you, and about you.

Get off your arse.

If you want to stay in London would it be possible to downsize and use the state education system to remove the pressure off your DH.

You can't afford the lifestyle you want. You shouldn't expect somebody else to fund your lifestyle, especially if it's making them unhappy.

Listen to what he is telling you, he sounds month away from a breakdown. Selling up to run a zoo or small holding is not realistic but he sounds like his life does need a shift in gear.

As people have said plently of people live a cheaper life in London. Work out what income you do need to cover the essentials (NB private schooling and a guest annex are not essentials) and work out if he can take a career break or drop back to something less stressful.

He's struggling OP. Up at 5am both weekend days for 3 hours of aimless walking? Hating his life? Struggling at work and a desire to run away to the country? A big loud alarm bell should be ringing there. You need to get him to talk (him, not you talking about what you want) because it's possible something is going to break soon.

I bet he’s got a high stress job. There’s got to be a compromise somewhere. A green town or a commute to a city with lots going on

Are you prepared to work more/change jobs and take on more of the financial burden?
You can't just expect DH to keep working at a job he hates and burn out, just because you like the lifestyle.

This. Lots of people would like your lifestyle but they can't afford it. If you can't earn the money for it you can't either.

You may have no choice but to change your lifestyle it your DH becomes very burnt out. It seems to make sense to start making some sensible decisions.

If you want the expensive lifestyle you will need to find a way to earn it yourself

Mark Twain does NOT approve of this post.

He sounds terribly unhappy op but there has to be a middle ground surely?

If the DC are nearly at secondary school age, you need to go back to work full time and kick-start your own career.

What would happen if DH had a nervous breakdown and was off sick with no income for a year?
What would happen if he just gave up his job tomorrow and refused to get another?
What would happen if he said he had put the house on the market and put in an offer on a place in the country?
What if he said you had to move with him or it was divorce?

You are very exposed. Getting yourself a proper income will give you protection, be a good role-model for your DC, and hopefully give you a new interest in life in this next chapter, however it turns out.
Because it does seem like a page is going to turn soon and you and DH will be in a new chapter. Nothing stays the same forever.

You do know there are good schools outside of London @WittyPanda

YANBU to want to stay in That London @WittyPanda and your lifestyle sounds wonderful, (as does where you live.) But if your DH is funding it all, I'm sorry but I am team husband! All you can do is beg him to stay, for another 5 years maybe...? (Instead of 10.) Find a compromise. How old are your children?

Well, he won't be pottering around if he buys a farm, even a small one, and you most certainly wouldn't be happy with that extreme change of lifestyle. Sounds like he's having a burnout crisis. It's one thing wanting to release capital but quite another wanting to become Tom and Barbara Goode. Has he any experience of working with the land or animals? On the other hand, if his health and happiness fail your life will be miserable anyway. Surely there's some kind of middle ground?

What's your compromise position OP?

Would you be happy with downsizing to somewhere else in London, taking the children out of private schools and DH getting a less pressured job (and maybe an allotment)?

Are you prepared to work more/change jobs and take on more of the financial burden?

You can't just expect DH to keep working at a job he hates and burn out, just because you like the lifestyle.

Your husband's health and wellbeing should be your priority over the vibe of living in London. Maybe you should find a better paying job so that he can get a job with less stress? I don't think him not working again sounds viable but he should be able to get a less stressful job. My DH recently had to do the same because he was getting so ill from work stress and I was terrified he would end up having a heart attack. We had to extend our mortgage and make sacrifices, but I said yes to all of it in a heartbeat because he's far more important to me than any lifestyle. Stop being selfish.

Kids can still have a good education without private school fees. It sounds like your dh is burnt out.

Is he retiring or getting a new job?

He's burnt out. You need to listen to him before he gets in a state. For example work towards a higher paid job so your DH can reduce hours a bit.

You're the one that wants the lifestyle but you're expecting him to run himself into the ground to fund it. You need to step up or start making sacrifices to allow him to wind down a bit before he does something drastic and has a breakdown.

I live in the country and I like it but I would much rather live in London. Sounds like you are at an impasse. He wants to give up work and to do that you have to sell up, you want to stay put but can only do that if he carries on working which he hates. I gave up work at one point because I wanted to potter about. I lasted about ten months and then I was fed up, bored, mildly depressed and fatter. It seemed really attractive until I actually did it. Couldn't get back to work quickly enough. Any chance of him taking a sabbatical from work to see what it's like? May be useful for him to recharge his batteries too.

There is a middle ground to be found. Something has to change and you know that. I speak as someone who was burning out, I was a in a firm in a niche role in London. Extremely well paid but I was having a breakdown almost every weekend. After a total of 7 years of that, I made a change with DH's support. Less money, better lifestyle. It required big compromises from both of us.

Sorry, OP, I have just seen your update above.

The man sounds burnt out. Counselling may help, not to persuade him to continue bringing in the big bucks but to help him figure out what he really wants. I assume there is a lot of daylight between his current job and working in a zoo. There is probably a suitable middle ground.

You may need to step up.

Really? OP says her DH is fed up of life and doesn't like his job.
That sounds like he is having mental health problems to me.

I agree that he can't unilaterally decide the family is moving, but OP also can't unilaterally decide he must keep working at his (presumably stressful, well paid) job just because she likes the lifestyle it provides.

If you sell up and move, how long would the money leftover last you if DH doesn’t want to work? Enough to pay school fees and your bills? What about pension?

him not working doesn't sound viable even if you do move and change schools. he sounds unhappy. are you looking at making changes to try and take on more of the financial pressures? unless there's a backstory, your post suggests that you want your h to put up and shut up so that you can have a lovely lifestyle. how is that fair or sustainable?