DP's son making me feel like I'm in a relationship with both of them

… or mumsnet. Like us . 😂

YABU.

You're a family. Sounds like you're not sure about that, but you need to be. Otherwise you're being an AH to the kid. Offer him a biscuit if he's in range, and ask him what he wants for breakfast. He's not a partner, nor is he 'nobody', he's a child. How would you like it?

RE joining in adult conversations... that's quite normal and often annoying but they're trying to learn about the world and trying to join in the family. If you can't be bothered to explain the grown-up thing then have the conversation later.

Won't last long they'll be a teenager soon. If they stay a nice person that wants to converse with their parents and learn about boring adult things you're very lucky!

I feel very sad that you're just there to serve, clean and cook.

It doesn't sound like you feel comfortable and you should in your own home.

The boy and his Dad have a normal child/relationship in my opinion, please don't change that and ask for it to change, it sounds really sweet.

Yes both boys and girls do it. I’ve been told it can be wanting to be babied as a kind of realisation they are moving into teenage years - kind of like 7 and 8 year olds sometimes revert to baby talk.

This seems very familiar. You have posted before haven’t you?

I read all your posts. I hope that you don't move out or write yourself out of motherhood just because of this or being ND. Your stepson clearly likes you, which is something that many stepmums are never able to figure out. You have been very socially aware in asking for advice and have taken it well. Also it's different with your own children. Have a chat with your partner about how you've been feeling.

I'd have offered to make him a drink of some sort and offered a biscuit with it.

Also, he's allowed to have opinions on "adult" topics. How else can he learn cognitive reasoning skills and develop logical arguments if isn't allowed to join in at home? It is annoying but it's important. Far worse if he doesn't get to air them now - he'll end up as one of those people on FB!

I think this is a tween thing, rather than a boy thing. My DD does the same (and gets told she knows where the tap is).

Sorry but you are not thinking straight, you are a household so if you're making drinks and biscuits of course you offer him one too, and asking his opinion on breakfast is right too. Kids of his age will often join adult conversations too and it's a good thing, they can learn about all the things that they need to learn as adults like mortgages!

I don't think you are cut out to be a step mum

If it makes you feel better my son who is nearly 12 asks me to get him drinks in the middle of dinner

And do you?

No wonder so many men feel entitled to treat women like domestic servants

If it makes you feel better my son who is nearly 12 asks me to get him drinks in the middle of dinner and walks in to talk to me while I’m in the bathroom. From reading all your posts I don’t think you are a bad person, you just aren’t connected to him, so the things pre teens/children do are more annoying to you, than his Dad who has a bond with him. I guess it’s up to you to decide if you can form a bond with him and/or set boundaries so that you all feel comfortable. It’s a learning curve for you all but you need to decide if you can be in a relationship with a man who has a child who ultimately comes first.

Yabu. You basically are his step mum therefore step up if you ask ya partner if he wants something u also ask his child. I cannot imagine not asking.

A 12 year old asking her to get home water is ridiculous . Occasionally🙄, sure but not every night. He's not asking his dad is he?

Although your examples are a bit crap I think i do get it and seen this with my niece , my brothers a single parent and she’s been so involved in everything she always has opinions on things like what type of car he should buy, holidays they should go on, she even goes through his bank statements to see how much he’s spent on himself. (As in he should spent the same on her) Basically he treated her not like a child at times and more like a partner somehow in how he speaks to her and make's decisions? It is hard to describe tbh.

What bollocks! She’s moved in with a ‘family’ as ostensibly the step mother figure - of course you treat the kid like an important and completely included part of that unit. Girl or boy child it makes no difference. If Op can’t rise to it she definitely must move out. Extremely confusing and traumatic for any kid to be marginalised like that.

This is pretty typical of kids who are only children. They do tend to insert themselves into adult conversation more than other children might, in my experience, because they don't have the company of other children in the house. In his case it's probably intensified by the fact that it's just been him and his dad for so long. He's also at that age where he is starting to understand and take notice of adult conversations and topics and have an opinion on them. Best get used to it, because it's only going to get worse.

You've chosen to move in with a family, not just one man. You seem to want to pretend that it's just you and your DP there and airbrush your stepson out of the picture.

DP's son has been acting in a way that would suggest he doesn't quite understand the dynamic in the house..

I'd suggest perhaps it's you who doesn't understand the dynamic in the house, not him.

OP you are in a relationship with both of them and DSS is a child who needs prioritizing in his and both of your home.
Parenthood means you don't get much time with your DP, and the child comes first and deserves consideration.
And your DSS will be hitting the teenage years soon and it could all go wrong if you are battling your DSS for priority attention within the home.

Good luck

This sounds really unkind. You moved in with your partner, but he has a child who lives with whim and who he is responsible for. It has to be a family. You can't just exclude your stepson.

DP and his son come as a package. It is surprising you moved in when you struggle to relate to his son. It is natural that you would assume a stepmother role… perhaps it is better to live separately

Yeah and this. I think both Dad & son are taking the piss. Move out, Dad can fetch his own snacks and son can get his own glasses of water 🙄

You're living with two males who think you're there to service their needs, albeit different ones.

I can't tell if you're joking or not

I thin it would be normal to offer him a biscuit when offering partner, food etc. he’s a child.
also the opinion on everything perfectly normal teen boy thing :-)
only children also are always much more adult like and involved in everything.

To be honest, I would move out purely because I want to go to bed before midnight!

I think your DP is a slack parent.

To be honest your moving in doesn't feel well planned or thought through. (Moving in with a nearly teen is courting disaster IMO)

I would move out and continue the relationship as you did before the move. If that is possible.