DP's son making me feel like I'm in a relationship with both of them

Actually no I wouldn’t get up half an hour early to make my child or a step child an elaborate breakfast… I’d be telling them to do themselves toast or cereal! How did he manage before you lived there? Also when mum has him for the weekend if she gets called to work and Dad is busy then it’s her responsibility to find alternative childcare, she shouldn’t be expecting you to cover ! I’d have probably said you wouldn’t be home and he couldn’t be left so she needed to find other childcare!
I couldn’t take on a stepchild, that’s not a flaw, I just couldn’t… and never would…. You’ve learnt that it’s a deal breaker for you, and you’re making plans to move out again. I hope you manage to go back to the way things were before and see each other when the boy is at his friends or relatives.
These things don’t always work out, but you tried!

well done for being honest about not being able to do it!…
what did your partner say when you told him you’ll be moving out in the new year?

If you read the subsequent posts it does mention it. Admittedly it wasn't in the first one. If people want to comment on something though with all the current facts. You can click see all and read them quite easily. It's difficult to remember every detail sometimes especially when most write here when their at their wits ends at times.
Compassion it seems is a very rare commodity on the Internet.

With the "doing stuff when he's not around", do you do stuff with him when he's there? I obviously don't mean going on romantic dates with him, but do you go out for coffee or a meal as a three, or whatever else he's complaining about. Or do you only do that stuff as a couple? It's not surprising he's upset if he feels like you're saving up fun stuff to do as soon as he's off at his mum's.

If you do genuinely do exactly the same things when he's away as when he's there and he just has a general FOMO, you just need to be kind but firm with him. Our normal routine carries on when you're not around, and that's OK.

I mean, I think your examples are pretty rude on your part. It's rude to do things for yourself and your partner if someone else is around, even if it's a child. And I agree that it's not your job as a stepmother to make the kid's breakfast as a chore in itself, but it's rude to offer to make something nice for your partner and nothing for anyone else around.

With the conversations issue, you're not being rude at least. But he sounds like a normal 12 year old who just needs reminding that he isn't an adult. You can absolutely tell them him that you're having an adult conversation and not a whole family one (in a nice way). Or if the issue is that he's always there, you can tell him that you need to talk to his dad and can he go and occupy himself somewhere else for a while. But truly important conversations are best had when he's not around, or sometimes you and partner could leave the room to have them.

Cba with the drip feed, responded to the first post

The OP was over a week ago we are now on page 25. It's fair to assume that in the OP's following posts more information might have been given, or made clearer.
It's easy to just read the OP's posts.
Although it seems it's easier to just read the first one and pile in.

If I’m making a cuppa, I’ll go to the bottom of the stairs and call, I’m putting the kettle on, does anyone want anything. If my son is putting the kettle on or making coffee, he will come through and ask me

Unfortunately the detail about the son not being present when biscuits were offered was not in the OP. People read the OP and responded. It read as though they were all together. Plus now it seems the biscuit and joining conversations are not the biggest issues anyway. It would help if relevant details came out at the start.

What I find mind blowing is that apparently everyone in the house has to be asked if they want a cup of tea and a biscuit! Sorry but in our house we don't go knocking on doors to ask if people want a brew and a biscuit or we would be doing it all day.

Plus didn't the OP say he doesn't drink tea? They're having a quick tea and biscuit while WFH. Surely a 12 year old boy can come downstairs and make himself a juice if he wants one. Does everyone make their almost teenagers drinks all day? If he's downstairs fair enough but she's not there to be bloody room service!

I think people need to read the full thread. Sounds like the OP is doing more than her fair share in the house. Honestly some of these replies.

The biggest issue here is your lack of boundaries. That is not going to change by moving out. You'll just take that with you.

If you read the posts correctly you'll find the child wasn't even in the same room op and partner were in the office child was in another room, she made herself and partner tea and a biscuit, she shouldn't have to go round house locating the child to ask if he wants a biscuit!! Iam sure little lord font can get his own biscuit when he's ready.
Quite frankly the child sounds a monster I couldn't of put up with his behaviour for a minute. His father is to blame for his lack of discipline

Op has already addressed this. She and her DP were WFH, she asked her DP if he wanted a tea.
There is an option to 'see all' posts from the OP at the bottom right of the first post.

This. And adult conversations should be help away from children.

But the 12 year could have been offered a biscuit even if he doesn’t drink tea?

At age 12 he is old enough to make himself toast and cereal.You sat dp leaves for work early,; if you were not there the child would have to make breakfast himself !

I agree when I was 12 I did not expect my stepmum to cook me breakfast before school

Op has adressed this again and again. Please RTFT.

I just want to add I am glad you are moving out in January, op, it really is for the best. You can stay friends with your partner if you both want that (you may not), a relationship does not have to mean living together.

Whatever happens I wish you happiness.

I quite agree. I wish anyone who is contemplating setting up hope with a father or mother who has dependent children would read all the threads on facebook about it. It's far too complicated and there are many single people out there who do not have young children, or any children, who would like to meet somebody.

@Dpmn553

Does your DP know you're moving out in Jan? If not, I'd tell him unless your concern is that he'd say "Then leave now".

The reason I say this is because, at this point, you and DP should be living as roommates, not partners. Would you do all this running around/catering to a roommate's child? I wouldn't. So this means a frank discussion with him that as of now, you do not have ANY responsibility for his son. The cooking for, cleaning up after, and childcare is all on him and you will be no part of it. You've been his 'nanny with a fanny' for some time now. He may be loath to give that up as it's going to severely impact his life but he may as well start getting used to it now.

Obvs if he will make your life a misery for the next month because of it or he'll kick you out with no place to go, that's something you'll need to consider. If that's the case, I think I might be looking for alternative housing until my house became available. If nothing else it may save you money in Xmas gifts.

It sounds like you want to be your DPs girlfriend/partner but you are not remotely interested in being a stepmother to his DS. Its ok to feel like that but probably you'd be happier with a partner who didn't have a child.

Op explained already that the boy was on another floor and they were working when she grabbed a cookie. He can also get a cookie for himself. I'm sure if he was around she would have offered one.

Your attitude sounds weird tbh. Offering stuff to DH but not Dss? I mean wtf? I have kids and step kids, if I was getting breakfast for dh I'd get it for the kids too, same with drinks and snacks, surely this is just normal family life?

And it is completely normal for tweens/teens to have opinions on everything, I know mine do, and again completely normal to have more sensitive discussions when he is not in the room.

You have an odd take on things imo!

Does the boy have hobbies and friends? He sounds rather bored if he's reading your work documents. I wonder if he could be nd? Not suggesting eveyone who is nosey is!

As far as the food goes, I would have his dad suggest he plan one or two meals a week that he can help choose and learn to help with cooking and grocery shopping. He wants to be involved and have a say, but the last minute requests aren't practical and are annoying.

Going back to the nd thing, I have an autistic friend who always felt like a grown up, even as a kid. He also is very opinionated, sometimes when it isn't wanted. Has a lot of good qualities too!