DP's son making me feel like I'm in a relationship with both of them

He's only 19 OP.
They think they're grown up at that age.

But you are now in a relationship with him? Obviously not a romantic or sexual one but you are now in a family relationship with him so you need to start acting like it

Common courtesy: the basic level of politeness that you expect from someone

You are rude. You don’t make a tea and biscuit for one person in the room without offering the other, same with breakfast, you ask both people what they would like, or provide both with the same. It’s not difficult

the poor kid is trying to adjust to someone else in the house, who appears to be showing him you don’t care about him through simple things, it’s not difficult

Any adult conversations shouldn’t be in front of him anyway, so save them for when the poor kid is not there

Your partners child will always come first

Bet he eats biscuits tho!!! You don't have to offer him the exact same but surely if the biscuit tin is out you offer one to everyone 😳
It sounds like you'd quite like to just pretend he's not there /doesn't exist if you aren't doing something specifically revolving around him! How awful

Shocked by this !! Our dogs are definitely treated better / included more. You moved into HIS house and HIS life . You and his dad should be bending over backwards to include him , especially at the start . Poor kid .

you need to include the poor boy! You’re the newbie so it’s on you to be part of the family unit that already exists. You can’t walk into a family dynamic and then change it to suit you.

It’s good that he’s speaking up and calling out your behaviour though. Because when I was in his situation I kept quiet and became a life long people pleaser which affected my relationship with my Dad forever. I’ve needed therapy for it.

Sounds like you’re treating him less well than you would a guest in his own home! If you had a guest you’d offer them a biscuit or breakfast if you were offering them to someone else in the room, wouldn’t you? It would be incredibly rude not to. Like it or not you’re effectively his step mum now and you need to learn to treat him like family, so no excluding, being resentful or dismissive because he wants to spend time in the same place as you both (that’s absolutely normal for a tween and will change in a few years).

Iwantabrightsunnyday · Today 13:25
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why have you deleted my post? This woman is insinuating that a little boy is interested in her. She is a psychological pedo, delete her whole weird thread

Because it was offensive and inappropriate.
as is this one.
Reported.

Making drinks or meals for one person is a bit odd when you could make them for the family.

As a woman moving into your partner's home, one he shares with an almost teenager, you have a huge mountain to climb.

Teens are always difficult for parents. In your case, it doesn't matter what you do, you'd be wrong as the outsider in the family unit.

It's up to your partner to have a conversation with his son about what he expects from him in the changing living conditions. You can be kind and wonderful to his child but it's up to his father to make his son feel safe and loved in the new relationship's dynamics.

If your partner can't do that, run.

You aren’t automatically including him and you should. You are the newcomer in his home from his perspective. It’s not you, your DP and he’s an extra. Your DP and his son are the family unit and you are the addition. He’s probably worried that he’s being pushed out.

CautiousLurker1 · Today 13:22

BeMintTraybake · Today 13:21
Wow. I've reported your comment. Absolutely no need for that

I did too, but they clearly actioned yours in a nano second

No there wasn’t! Glad it was deleted so quickly.

Sounds like a typical teenager. Having a 3-way conversations when the child is around , asking for his opinion and otherwise including him is what families do. They also do that without extra effort as that comes naturally.

Now, in your case you are having a relationship with the father but not the son. And his father is likely not grasping that having an "adult conversations" and expecting a 12 yrs old to shut up in the same room is not the best way of spending time as a family (which I assume you are).

And, for a record , you did not move in with your partner, you moved in with his family. So act that way.

As a 12 year old, when my dad told me he and his wife were having triplets, I absolutely did worry I would be replaced.

...and I was right to worry, because I was.

So ask "would anyone like a drink?" Or "anyone want a biscuit?" You are purposely ignoring your step son.

I did too, but they clearly actioned yours in a nano second!

My teen ds drinks a cup of tea about once a month. So obv I don't always offer (I drink about 8 cups a day!) but I do sometimes, and always if I'm making tea for anyone else. It doesn't matter if he mostly says no, it's inclusive.

Wow. I've reported your comment. Absolutely no need for that

It's something I have discussed with my brother - who incidentally lived with my mum and then also my stepdad (and youngest brother when he was born)

He tells me he never felt that he would be replaced. 12 years difference between the boys.

As adults it's him to has the closer relationship with my ( now ex) stepdad. Much closer than my younger brother who is his biological son.

I've just asked my daughter about it also and she tells me she didn't feel she was replaced when I had DS

OP, enough people have pointed out already that it is unreasonable not to offer food and drinks to everyone around so I’ll not go there. As for your other examples, I think you somewhat ignoring him makes this worse. The food situation shows that he’s invisible to you, this makes him feel (understandably) threatened. If you include him, he won’t feel the need to make you and his dad aware that he’s still here all the time.

Sounds like youre not teatinf him like a child -
who’s home you have moved into. Poor kid.