DS made racist comment at school

@ellie09 I'm glad you got to meet with the school, and I'm sorry you have had to go through this. As a wise poster earlier in thread said, there is 'your truth, my truth and the actual truth' and it sounds like this incident has been blown far out of proportion due to false information being shared and people jumping on a bandwagon.

Did the school comment on the bullying you said your child had experienced around his skin colour?

They read what the op had posted. The mum of the child was upset it's not nothing like the teacher said she's minimising it. Op found out yesterday through another parent what had happened and why the mother of the child is upset from a screenshot of WhatsApp messages. Mums are talking about it on WhatsApp and wondering why op knows nothing about it. Why didn't the teacher inform the op about the incident?

It's not going to go well for the teacher if she speaks to the parents about the WhatsApp messages. The teacher sounds incompetent the parents will complain.

I agree, at bare minimum she should have had a phone call from the teacher. Her child has been the victim and perpetrator of racist comments, she should have been made aware of both and a plan agreed going forward of both how to protect/support him and how to ensure there isn't a repeat of this.

I disagree with the incident being taken to a class whatts app group, but I do wonder if there is a level of frustration that the school isn't taking bullying seriously, and they are discussing it on a shared forum to try to find a way to resolve it themselves as they see the school doing nothing. The way the remarks were made about OP's son was inappropriate and unhelpful, but maybe this groups anger is more directed at the school in reality?

Yes that is true the school should have been much more proactive

If the school took immediate action and informed op the parents wouldn't be talking about it. It's their lack of action that has caused this. I've known schools to go down hill for this very reason. My daughter's school went from outstanding to inadequate because they never recorded anything or spoke to parents about any incidents that happened at school.

No wonder the mother is upset I would be livid. I would expect action to be taken by the school. At least they are taking the WhatsApp group seriously?

OP’s child needs to learn that making comments about someone else’s body / appearance is inappropriate because it could be hurtful and sensitive.

He also needs to learn more about race and skin colour so that it demystifies the topic for him and he doesnt have these kind of basic questions.

This is perfectly routine - small children aren’t born understanding these things.

He does not need to be : punished or shamed ; made to feel he’s done some monumentally terrible thing ; led to believe that race/ skin colour is a terrifying/ taboo / shameful topic. How is that helpful in any way? Surely that’s part of the problem. OP said her son drew a picture of him and the girl holding hands as part of his apology, but was now scared and unsure of what colour he should draw her. The lesson he has apparently learned here is ironically a racist one.

The other parents need to learn that posting unpleasant rumours about a small child on social media is wholly unacceptable- bullying and a safeguarding risk.

I completely agree with you. Using the description ‘hurled racist abuse’ is extremely over the top and not remotely what happened. Even without the context given by the OP, I would not leap to believing that a 7 year old boy is actually racist. He made a comment that he didn’t realise was insensitive, he has been taught by the OP that it’s not good to comment on people’s skin colour and he probably won’t do it again.
Small children, I would imagine it’s even harder for those with ASD, are still very much learning to navigate the social landscape and it’s our job as parents to help them with that. The witch hunt was entirely unnecessary and there has been a lot of over the top responses from people on here!

I feel sorry for the little boy, he sounds devastated. Not to say I don’t also feel sorry for the girl that he said it to. Not a nice situation for either of them!

It doesn't matter children need to learn right from wrong. I thought the response from the teacher was poor. It's shocking how they have handled it. My son's school would never tolerate it and would talk to the parents. I wonder if they recorded it.

I am surprised the op wasn't called in to the school to talk about the incident. Young people need to be taught to know right from wrong. The school doesn't seem to take bullying or racist language seriously and choose to continue like nothing happened. The op should never have found out through another parent it should have been the teacher. There doesn't seem to be any safeguarding in place.

Have you read the thread? OP has clarified that the school explained the comment itself was not what was portrayed and the girl herself didn’t even seem bothered. There’s a lot of very intense, adult projection going on here.

I remember my friend being called in by the school because her 6 year old described a boy as “brown Adam” (there were two Adam’s in the class)
He thought he was just using a description to tell the teacher which Adam he meant. To him I think it was the same as saying ‘blonde Amy’.

This comment demonstrates exactly the point I made earlier about how racism is perpetuated in society. OP has clearly stated that the parent of the other child is not involved in the witch hunt and not on the WhatsApp group of gossips, yet here you are quick to lay the blame at her door. I wonder why that is? Many people on this thread have been quick to attack the parent of the little girl who OP has been clear has nothing to do with the WhatsApp group. The rumour could have been started by anybody.

It’s almost like people recognise how harmful racism is so they do not want to be associated it, but would rather focus on creating a label and rejecting it, even going as far as attacking victims, anything to keep themselves away from the label, without thinking of how other people have been hurt. This is not helpful. Even OP herself has admitted jumping to conclusions when she saw the screenshots and that she herself would have been judgemental of parents she deemed as racist if it hadn’t been her parenting and her son that were the subject of discussion. But such attitudes are unhelpful.

If, as some other posters have pointed out, the focus was first and foremost on supporting the child who had to experience racist comments, the outcome would have been more constructive. The reason comments about skin colour hurt more than other playground teasing (such as wearing glasses) is because of the whole structure of prejudice and discrimination built around skin colour and the way such playground incidents feed into them. We can all help to dismantle this system by recognising and treating each other as human, healing hurt first before jumping into defensive or even attacking mode which builds and deepens resentments.

Glad being sorted out sensibly by the school and that the vigilante WhatsApp group being spoken to.
Working at a school myself, weekend or not, I would have contacted teacher/SLT by email copying all in to make sure picked up. Hopefully, the TA did otherwise she is part of it.
By the sounds of the WhatsApp group she is very unwise to be part of it at all.

School governors do not get involved in school complaints until they have been through the complaints process. You can cc or FOA governors all you like, but they won’t see it due to the way complaints policies are set up.

My daughter, a black girl, was harassed by a boy with SEN at school, they were 9 years of age at the time. He would pull her hair and rip her jumper off her and get right in her face and make kissy noises.

His mum told me that he is obsessed with her dark skin. I did not tell my daughter this. I didn’t want her to think that her skin meant that she should take on abuse. For months, we all made excuses for the boys SEN, and that it wasn’t that bad until I saw the behaviour myself and my daughter started HATING school.

I dealt with this by speaking with the school - but I was aware of how sensitive this topic was and I didn’t want to get it wrong so I did end up speaking to a bunch of friends I trusted beforehand so that I could tackle this correctly and sensitively but whilst also making sure that the school could protect my daughter. - this may be what the other parent is doing, but it seems her friends have a WA group? At the same time, the boys mum that had SEN was also battling with the school to ensure that her son was getting the care he needed as he was also being bullied by another group.

Im sharing to say that it is very complex. At this young age it’s more of an insensitive comment and I would do everything in my power to get that thinking out - because it is mean - and as we can see from this post - regardless of your skin colour, comments on skin and personal appearances can last a lifetime.

In my case, my friends didn’t share on a WhatsApp group. That mum is probably venting and maybe she doesn’t have the tools to deal with this via the school (I was part of the PTA and so many parents didn’t know how to make their complaints heard by the school effectively). Maybe she does and I’m sure she will approach the school too.

Yes speak to the school. If you can, speak to the girls mum to clear anything there if it’s safe. Speak to your son. If he has a support worker at school, get them involved.

I would be asking the school to do more work on inclusion.

I'd write a formal complaint and email to the school FOA Head teacher and the school governors.

I'd say that an rumour being shared via a social media app from one parent to multiple others has put your very vulnerable child in danger (which it has potentially especially if these parents decide to form a playground mob to confront you when your son is present) and that this has breached safeguarding policies.

Say that you are concerned that the parents involved may incite their children to isolate your son and potentially lead to long term bullying.

Say that this other parent's actions have lead to a hostile environment for yourself and your son.

This OP.
The victim of the racist remark is the victim, not you.

Maybe your son said a offhand remark that's been twisted as 7 year olds aren't exactly reliable for remembering exactly what was said and stuff ends up abit like Chinese whispers.

The parent of the kid involved is a absolute arsehole for posting that in a WhatsApp group ostracising your son and yourself by association.

The parent should have spoken with the school and yourself and started spreading a damaging rumour that might not even be truthful.

I know of an almost identical scenario involving a sen child and I'm glad to say it occurred without any of the parental drama you have unfortunately experienced in real life and partly on this thread for that matter. Kids say stuff. It happens! 7 year old ffs.

I bet the TA has reported the group to the class teacher. Adults are worse than children when it comes to bullying.