DS made racist comment at school

@ellie09 thag is a terrible suggestion. Throwing your child in front of a bus instead of listening and helping. Terrible advice.

How do you know? I have seen plenty of stuff online and at the park. I have seen racism directed at all races.

Is he being bullied by the group by any chance?

Hmm. When she was about the same age as the OP's child, my best friend told me that her daughter was walking home with her when she sarted yanking at her mothers arm and going "Look, look". Her mum couldn't see anything, but her daughter insisted there was something weird. When asked what was the matter her daughter said "Look, look -there's a (P -word i won't repeat) with an English lady - is that allowed?" My friend was (a) hugely embarrassed and (b) perplexed because she (and her daughter) are from Pakistani heritage, and I am "English". When she pointed that out to her daughter, her daughter argued that I "couldn't be English".

And there are plenty of perjorative words for white skinned people in most languages - are you suggesting they are never used by children because I know different?

It's not right whoever uses them, and we all need to ensure that we set better examples to our children. But it also isn't just a "white peoples burden". Racism should not exist, and we should, as a species, be able to do better by now. But comments about a persons appearance are common amongst children because those are the most noticeable things about them to young minds. Our job is to teach them to look beyond the differences.

Everyone is being so dramatic. He is 7 for gods sake. I say this as a brown person. Just explain that's it's wrong and he won't do it again

You have let your son down here. You haven't even heard his account of things and spoken to him properly. Even if he did say it, grounding him and getting angry is not the answer for a 7 year old autistic child. Speak to your child properly, and explain to him why comments like that are offensive and why it would be very hurtful to the child he said it to.
The only people I would be livid with are the lynch mob on WA who should know better that to attack a 7 year old. That is outrageous and you need to find your backbone and advocate for your child.

I think it's something to speak to the school about - not least how they can support your son with social situations and understanding how certain things are hurtful and not okay. The school should also be able to help work out with the other parents (that is, monstering a child in a group chat isn't acceptable - especially when the child's parent/the school are unaware of the problem).

Kids at the age of seven, even neurotypical ones, sometimes say things that they don't realise are hurtful and not socially acceptable. Definitely work with the school on how you can resolve this issue; they've likely dealt with similar in the past.

This is absolutely horrible and awful situation to be in, and I feel very sorry for your child (as it seems he understands what he said was wrong) and the other kid who your DS said it to - poor thing, hearing that must have been awful. But I disagree with parents being involved in discussing or judging you - school should deal with this first. You need to contact them asap.

We had a similar situation in our school, it ended up badly as one of the parents attempted to attack the other one after a few days of heated exchange on parents whatsapp group. You should take control over it to prevent escalation.

I would also suggest kids may say thigs like that without fully understanding the meaning and awfulness of it - often repeating stuff they heard from older kids for reaction etc. It is very important to educate them and explain this is an absolutely unacceptable thing to say. I would also not blame the parents - its unfair unless you know for sure they are racist.

Don't engage with the WhatsApp group at all. Don't do anything except phone the school today and say you need one of the staff to call you tomorrow morning asap about an urgent matter. Then tell the staff member about your understanding of what has happened. If any parents confront you, tell them the school are now involved to find out what actually went on. On repeat. I wouldn't make any apologies. You don't know what happened. You weren't there. And neither were they.

Also I don’t know any child of colour who makes comments about white skin. It’s very very rare if it does happen. I’ve always found this very telling

Yeah that’s terrible. Some will read what you’ve said and laugh, and that’s the problem. It trivialises what is a social construct and what affects people later in life when it comes to basic living.

Who amongst us has not had a moment when a child of ours does something we wish they had not? - hit, spat, lost their tempers etc. - or like one of my little ones who asked why a fat lady approaching us in the street had "no knees" - we all have moments when we want the floor to swallow us up.

If it makes you feel any better, @Mischance, my brother (when very young) pointed at the first black person he had ever seen and shouted with obvious delight "look, a golliwog!" 😱

to be frank the problem with these sorts of things, the victim/ victim parents easily becomes the perpetrator. Their actions of how they respond is always up for judgement when it shouldn’t be. I’m assuming he said it in front of others so that’s public humiliation for the little girl. Also this is where systemic racism begins- in schools with these little comments that brings in skin colour/race. FYI people of colour can also be very prejudiced and biased. Bring a family of colour does not mean colourism etc…doesn’t exist within, as racism is a social construct.

Your little boy may cry when you bring it up, but this discussion needs to be had so he understands why it’s wrong and you can understand why he said it if you consider yourself someone who is truly anti racist. In saying that Approaching the school and asking them to investigate what actually happened almost like fact finding would be my first point of call. Hopefully from there, some form of restorative between your son and this girl and you and the parents can take place.

As for the watsapp group, how did you find out about it? If you are not in it, I’m assuming it’s a friends group in which case you can’t control what is/isn’t said as it’s a private chat room amongst friends.

I applaud you for trying to solve it and reaching out . These things are always do uncomfortable for everyone.

Has he admitted it or was it witnessed? Or is all this furore on a seven year olds say so? Seven year olds are not the most reliable witnesses I would want to be sure of the facts before anything else.

Naturally, people that we perceive as being different to ourselves will be treated with suspicion and caution. Be it colour of skin, disability, religious dress etc. It's an innate biological instinct that going back millennia, protected us from possible danger.

As parents in the modern age, we have a duty and responsibility to bring our children up and to integrate them into the society in which we live, as best as we can. But each child is different, with their own needs, and this will impact how successful we are in this mission.

The fact that your son has autism means that he has language based disability likely impacting cognitive functioning. This will make any messaging about treating other people who are outwardly different from ourselves kindly etc., much harder for him to fully understand. He is only 7.

Hopefully the school will be proactive in supporting the little girl involved and your son in a kind and sensitive manner, just as anyone else, including other parents, should be. But in answer to your question, yes I would be looking to speak to the Head as soon as possible to ensure that support will be put in place promptly.

How is OP ignorant?
The post is titled ‘DS made racist comment’ they are acknowledging the fact it was a racist comment!

This ^^

🙄

He’s seven. I expect he’s said it in the same way kids say ‘because he’s a boy’ or ‘because he’s got red hair’. He isn’t racist, he probably doesn’t understand what it even means to be ‘racist’ and I think the school WhatsApp group sounds utterly pathetic. You speak to your son, ensure he understands and then forget about it.

I would certainly make contact with the parents of the other child, probably through the school unless you already know her, and check what their daughter says was said.

And I hope all the parents on the whatsapp group are certain that their child has never called yours any disablist slurs.

At that age his comment could just have easily been “I don’t want to play because you have blue eyes/red hair/blond hair/freckles/are tall/small/fat/skinny/ male/female”. He has expressed a feeling on a basis of physical difference not race. Any and all of those things would need to be explained to him in terms of why they are hurtful. Parents jumping to call him out as racist are missing the point entirely and causing drama where it is not needed. If he’d used a racial slur or directly referred to ethnicity it would be different.

So long as you are educating from this help teaching him then I think you have done the right thing. I would be reluctant to punish with the autism in mind. Some autistic individuals have quite black or white think so it wouldn't be racist to him. Not all comments are meant with malicious intent and some parents like the drama unfortunately. I would definitely be raising with the school the fact they are discussing a 7 year old with autism in a group chat. I would say those parents need to grow up and also look at their own understanding of children with additional needs.

I completely agree with this - the mum can discuss it if she wants to. They aren't telling lies