DS made racist comment at school

Totally right. Not sure about your school but ours has a social media policy that parents have to sign (state school for reference) that parents and kids can’t speak ill of each other or the school/teachers. I would let the school know, show them screen grabs of the group and ask them to deal with it.

Nosy parents getting overly involved when they don’t know the details. This is between your son and this girl and the parents of each child. Not the entire school.

Hear hear.

Aww OP it’s easy for a 7 year old to say something thoughtless / horrible/ stupid in a moment. Dont beat yourself up about this, and don’t take it as reflective of your son’s character !

It was wrong of the other parents to be sharing that on WhatsApp.

speak to your son and speak to the teacher. Make sure he understands how hurtful it is to say and he must never say something like that again.

Hold your head high at school you’ve done nothing wrong.

Said like a true proletariat! Good on you and your scarily dictatorial way of expressing yourself in Newspeak.

IF he said it! He doesn't deserve to be vilified before it's even been looked into! Children lie or wrong convey things all the time! The parent should absolutely have gone to the school immediately, not gone ranting to other parents on social media before anything was even looked into! The amount of things my son has come home and told me about other kids is shocking but I would never dream of starting a witch-hunt in this way.

I would get your post deleted if I were you, OP.

That’s such an unpleasant message.

It's unlikely to be her first taste of racism.

Oh do grow up

You are part of the problem OP. If your son does not know that brown skin is normal by this age it is all on you. That you center yourself and and your son as the victims here, is deluded and all on you. Educate yourself and do better going forward.

" Ashamed and disappointed"
" Hurled racist abuse"

Are you for real ????
It's a 7 year old ASD pupil.

You sound like the typical uninformed, intolerant , judgemental parent that makes teaching an unpleasant job these days.

As someone who is not white and from a different culture who grew up in a very white community, I have had racist remarks hurled at me as a young child. I got over it and my family taught me to ignore and do better than the best of them. It’s called growing a thick skin. All
these white mamas here getting over excited abd berating the op is madness and shows me that you are still exercising a form of oppressive behaviour but you’re too smug in your outrage to even see.

Op, ignore these joyless knitters and carry on as you do. Tell your son it’s unacceptable behaviour, ask him to apologise (if he truly did make those remarks) and let it be.

Of course the little girl will be upset but the mother was lacking context. If a situation like this happens in school it deserves to be investigated fairly by the school. Turns out having spoke to her own child OP there is more context.

As a teacher in an inner city school, kids of all colours say silly things. They don't want to play with someone because of their glasses, eye colour, their skin colour, their favorite tv show, whatever, it mostly nonsense.

Kids can also take comments out of context. I had a kid go home last month and told their parents I was racist in class but simply said cos of my lesson. Mum came in to complain and it was a BHM lesson and apparently I was racist because I used the term black and that you are 'not allowed to talk about peoples skin colour.'

So whilst the mum has every right to be so as for her child and want it investigated. She should have shown this 7 year old the same grace and understanding she would like her child to be shown when she makes a mistake or is simply misunderstood, instead of berating a little boy on social media with a load of other adults.

These things are always best handled by the school.

Your friend has provided you with the screen shots so your best bet is make an appointment to epeak to someone at school. Explain that this conversation via parents on group chat has been brought to your attention. Ask if the school was aware of your son making the comment and ask for the best route forward.

Both your children have protected characteristics, one through ethnicity and one through disability. Both need protection
hence the school being best placed to steer the next steps. Make zero comment about the rest of it. No acknowledgement online of any strife and certainly no comment to the parents involved. You’re better than that.

What sort of person sticks this on a Whatsapp group rather than going to the school about it? It's just shocking to me that they would take their child's word for it and use Whatapp to name and shame a disabled 7 year old individual.

You need to complain OP, the school will probably shut the Whatsapp group down or at least speak to the parents about it if it is not a school thing. That is not ok behaviour no matter what a 7 year old has done, if he had hit a child, kicked a teacher, had a meltdown in class, no matter what, it is not appropriate to be putting it up on social media.

It seems the story has been relayed incorrectly to the other mother and misunderstood by the child which is not surprising when your child has a condition that centres around social and language issues. Honestly parents should know better. This is just disgusting behaviour.

He's not racist, but he said a racist thing. That's not acceptable in school or anywhere else and it is important he learns that. It sounds like OP has addressed it with him which is good.

When my son was 4 in reception he bit another pupil (my son is quite behind and has asd/adhd).
The parent put it all over fb and he was called a little basterd, little arse hole etc.
That us as parents was 'dragging him up' and not one of them knew anything about us or my child.
It was really upsetting and a total witch hunt to a child that is not able to defend himself.

Your child shouldn't of said what he did but that's for the school and you as parents to sort out and to work with your child in a way he understands to know it's not appropriate.

Thank goodness you’ve said that, I’ve been reading the posts feeling exactly the same and thinking ‘is it only me’. The little boy is 7, he is already coping with his own problems and he’s being called racist, it’s totally out of proportion, of course he’s not racist, he made an inappropriate comment but a racist … utterly ridiculous.

I'm also sensing wider problems here and it's of course wonderful that your tackling the racism issue I strongly suspect he's at nasty end of disablism and nasty comments about his sen

My dsil works uh a college and she said you don't hear many racist comments if any, in day to day life.
However there is unfortunately plenty of sniggering and rudeness towards people with sen.
And misogyny is rife with many lads liking Andrew tate.. Unfortunately how hard teachers come down depends on their own personal feelings.

You need to check the facts carefully. A boy at a school I taught in thought it was a fun game to tell a vulnerable autistic boy in the class to say rude things to people. Things like telling the boy to go up to the Yr6s and say ‘fuck off’. They were actually both autistic but had very different personalities. I would definitely speak to the teacher about it.

Sorry op, you should've been told first, imagine a bunch of adults gossiping about a 7 year old child, even worse that he asd, Anyway, he just needs a quick lesson on empathy and inclusion. This is especially important for him.

Well possibly not though that really depends how accurate their child’s report of what happened is I guess.

No I didn't have a serious talk, because my 6yo is also ASD and talking about it directly just makes things worse. We educate her in other ways. Of course it's not a nice thing to say but kids can get fixated on things that you wouldn't expect and they don't mean it badly. It's not abuse, it's curiosity and limited understanding of the world and social interactions.
If she had called someone with anorexia fat then that would have a very different impact than calling me fat. But to my DD it's the same thing, she said exactly the same thing, she wouldn't understand why it's different.

The little girls mum has every right to be upset about her little girl being upset, but she was massively in the wrong to bring it up with other parents so publicly.

The headteacher at grandchildren school called in the admin of one WhatsApp group and said it's your group, you cannot dodge the responsibility of unpleasant posts and parents. That shook them up

My dd is ND and when she was about 5, we were in the shop looking at dolls. I was mortified when she said out loud "I don't like that one, it's got brown skin". Her thinking is quite rigid, and at that age she just saw something that looked 'different' to the other dolls on the shelf and in her eyes (she has OCD traits) different was bad. She was very similar if we saw someone in a wheelchair or with an arm or leg missing. With ND kids, who are often also very direct and forthright (have no filter) in expressing their views, you have to take a lot more time and energy to explain things in a way they understand, and teach them how to respond more appropriately. With my ds, the understanding and connections were made much more easily, we experienced no problems of the sort and he's grown up (now 14) always calling out racism when he sees and hears it, is very challenging and forceful about it (which I'm very proud of). With dd, she learns through social stories, and experience, you can't just say "people come in all sorts of shapes, sizes and colours", she needs to experience personal connection in some way. I can't really explain it properly without sounding like I'm 'part of the problem' and making excuses. But she's now nearly 8 and the extra effort we've put in has paid off - she's become much more socially skilled and understands more about the impact of her words and actions on others and adjusts accordingly. She'd actually now be very upset at the thought of hurting someone else's feelings and is very sensitive to others.

What I'm saying is, 7 is very young anyway, and with an autistic child, their social and emotional understanding is often even younger. It absolutely needs addressing, but it needs addressing sensitively in order to be effective. An open and honest, calm conversation with them, in which they feel safe to explain how they feel without judgement is often best. You can challenge their thinking far better by approaching it this way than reading the riot act.