DS made racist comment at school

His asd and learning disability is extremely relevant.

I'm a teacher and a very experienced one at that. Parents absolutely should be having conversations with kids about race and why they exist, racism and why it is unacceptable and why we are all ultimately the same.

But to say a topic is off the table to a child is very misguided. Children need to be allowed to ask questions so they can understand and make sense of these differences. The idea that we 'just don't talk about these' things actually feeds into the problem. They want to understand the world around them including why people are different.

I have had plenty of pupils say things like this, things they don't necessarily mean the way they may sound. Her child has every right to be sad but the mum, as an adult has made this situation for worse by not reporting it directly to the school and allowing them to be investigate, which I am sure as a teacher you would know should have been investigated fairly rather than the mum shaming a child.

Like I have previously said, it's absolutely normal to my DS. He has a granny who is a different race and several other family members. His class is highly multi-cultural and had no issues for 4 years at school with this

He had an issue in the summer with his skin turning "brown" which was a tan, and he had a hard time adapting to this which I think is linked to his autism. His comments made were self-projecting as he doesn't like his own skin changing. Nothing to do with the race of another person.

I have reminded him of societal expectations - that skin colour shouldn't be discussed in that way. He honestly told me he didn't know, he didn't know he upset anyone and now he is really nervous going to school in the morning, knowing such a big deal has been made over it.

My issue was, nobody approached me directly, nobody contacted the school, and decided it was best placed in a WhatsApp group that neither parent was a part of, so nothing could be addressed or dealt with.

If I wasn't friendly with one particular parent, I wouldn't have even have known anything was discussed.

I agree that it's issues like these need dealt with - I wasn't given an opportunity to talk it out with the other parent, no investigation into the event took place and I had to see messages calling my ASD 7 year old "disgusting" and demanding he be "dealt with harshly" by the school.

I am at the school every morning - they had every opportunity to pull me up for a chat on Monday morning and it would have been dealt with.

I have since had 2 messages from different parents saying they don't think the message was okay to post, particularly with DS autism and learning difficulties.

You’re clearly unpleasant- what a childish retort. Being disabled isn’t a free pass to abuse others.

The headteacher at grandchildren school called in the admin of one WhatsApp group and said it's your group, you cannot dodge the responsibility of unpleasant posts and parents. That shook them up

Another one whos lost the plot! What do you want op to do exactly. She's done everything she can. You are clearly unpleasant and ableist.

This was not just a "mean thing". This was a racist incident.

OP seems more interesting in the optics and the perceived injustice her child has faced. They have been dismissive of the behavior and not once centered the child this was said to. In fact they have effectively excused it because he described her as his girlfriend previously and because they know ethnic people and family.

As opposed toe the power dynamic between presumably (based on OP description of said child's skin going brown in the sun) a white presenting boy and a brown girl. Yes, lets talk about intersectionality and power. The OP is feeling" really sick at the thought of walking my child into school tomorrow, knowing that most will be judging based on what they have heard". Lets ignore a 7 year old girl who might be feeling sick about going to school, the shops, the park, social media etc because she might be judged based on her skin colour. @Scattery

I'd confront the vicious gossipmonger who has been stirring up hatred against a child in a group chat.

I would speak to the school/head first thing tomorrow and make them aware of the adults watsapp group.
Kids say mean things to each other.
At 7 years old I don't think your son will understand why that comment is so unacceptable. You can only talk to him and explain. He's just a child and the adults need to remember that.