DS made racist comment at school

I agree with all @edithbond is saying. The WhatsApp group is going too far.

This is an unfortunate incident.

YANBU. It sounds like you’ve dealt with it in the right way, discussing with your DS and helping him let his friend know he’s sorry, plus wanting to discuss with the school. The behaviour of 7 year olds should be dealt with discretely via the school and/or the family concerned, not shared in a parents’ WhatsApp group.

I can understand parents wanting to support the parents of the girl it was said to, but it’s inappropriate to post it in a larger group. If they want to alert each other that kids are saying racist things, they could post that without naming a particular child.

So, hold your head high. The parents and kids who are your and your DS’s friends will be your friends. Those who aren’t won’t. If they want to be judgey without knowing the full story, it’s their problem. Not yours.

I think you've done really well to address the issue.
It's not like you're giving your DS free passes and holding him to account.
He'll likely remember why he had to miss out on pleasurable experiences and also cemented the fact when you asked him to write an apology.
If you hadn't held him responsible at all, it would be different.

Why on earth have you asked to join the group?? This is a group you have described as making unacceptable comments about your child and you want to join it...

I would hope she has made the SMT aware of it, so they are prepared to respond appropriately tomorrow and work with both OP and the mother of the 7 year old girl to acheive a positive outcome.

She should have reported it to the school. If she hasn’t make sure the school knows she is in the group.

I think adding yourself to the group is a bad idea to be honest. All that will happen is a new group will be formed and you won’t be in it.

You need to read OP’s comment that I quoted. One of the people on the WhatsApp group is employed by the school.

This.

It's telling that some posters can have so much empathy towards those on the receiving end of racist comments but yet none for a disabled child.

If the children's reports are true, your child said something inappropriate and hurtful and now the other kid's mum is getting other mums to all shame and humiliate him and on WhatsApp.

I think the best thing to do is to tell the school what happened, including about the WhatsApp group and ask them to communicate to parents about this.

A 7 year old's inappropriate actions is likely due to age and inexperience.

The mums do not have this excuse however and the school should say something.

I think parent What's App groups can be quite toxic and the discussion of incidents at school is inappropriate, having said that different people have different views and they cannot be policed.

With regard to the incident I think it is one for the School, the child's comments given the content aren't necessarily racist, as a society people have become very quite to jump to this allegation without considering the issue in its context. My daughter was talking for example about discriminatory pricing and saying how she thought this was a good thing and was accused of being racist at school!

The school should not come down hard on him. Firstly he is seven and secondly it's far better for them to talk through his actions and to discuss how it might have been upsetting for the girl and it is not a good thing to say. The WA group are full of idiots.

How do you know the headmaster is free then?

Of course its the schools business when a member of their staff is on this group! At the very least it's against their social media policy.

I hope the Headteacher will not be available. I hope they are focused on educating their students and creating a safe space for all children irrespective of skin colour. If parents have a WhatsApp group you need to approach those parents, its not the schools job to do it.

Are you sure it's not echolalia?

ableism is pretty shit too. You’re talking about a disabled 7 year old child here. Or is racism the only form of prejudice that matters to you?

I have not RTFT but wanted to comment about how we helped my son who has ASD when we needed to talk about things and he couldn’t manage it. We would ask him to write it down, or to draw pictures. We would then do a social story with stick people and sad or happy faces to demonstrate how words can make others feel happy or unhappy, and why sometimes other people overhearing things will also feel upset and angry.

Stop with the "he has a brown friend so...". I hate it when people say this. We don't suddenly become antidotes to racism by racists. We are not deracisms licenses.
Having said that, you'd boy is 7 and still learning to socialise and so it's good you are talking to him. You can't control what people put on WhatsApp. It wasn't a teacher so am not sure how much you can affect what people say, do or how they do it. You can have a chat with the mums but be careful not to make it worse. Not to sound defensive. But also understand that this will blow over. You can choose to give it time to dir naturally. You will not be able to put out every fire your son starts.

DP calls the parent WhatsApp the “school gates rebellion group”

He dropped out, before he replied w something he would regret …. there were some poop-stirring mums trying to get others “on side” about their own personal grievances. Trying to get others to write letters of complaint etc. They would pounce on new families to get the “on side” petty things like cost of items at a bake sale.

This doesn't make sense. ASD might mean that a person has severe learning difficulties and is literally unable to understand. I don't know if this applies in this case - it doesn't sound as if it does - but to generalise like you have is in itself discriminatory. As long as we have children with SEN who are being denied a suitable education that meets their needs, and being shoehorned into mainstream education, I'm not sure how 'mistakes' can be avoided. Inclusivity has consequences, and one which requires understanding and compassion on all sides to help make it work as well as it can. This is not about a 'free pass' and use of this inappropriate cliche risks lumping all children with ASD into the same category, and insodoing, misunderstands the enormous challenges that some of these vulnerable children face.

This is unhelpful and mean spirited.
Op is asking for support.

The attitude you’ve portrayed is also part of the problem.