Someone hacked into an old facebook account, I couldn't remember the password so i found an old family computer which had everyones login details on to try and get in and stop it, it was already logged into my husbands account so I had a look in it and found some old messages to a woman I had never even heard of who he had met on a course lasting nearly 3 weeks, a few years ago, the messages were innocent enough but I was upset he never mentioned her, I woke him up with a pic of her in his face one morning and straight away without any hesitation he said "of thats so so so from the course" (I have done this since with someone he kinda knows from work and he didnt recognise nor know her name) I have to mention, I remember him coming him from this course and raving about the other person there( who was male) telling me all about him, his family, where he lived, what he did, everything,,, her not a mention, she lives just down the road, had a sick child like I did but even though we had these things in common, you would think he'd come home and mention it, he just said that he didnt think to mention her! (this is not what he is usually like). I know I have been jealous in the past but we got past that, so there was just no need, the night the course finished he was messaging her. a few months later and they messaged on a off for a few months even bumping into her (when he ever bumps into anyone he knows, usually he would mention it in passing) A few months later gets a message about the course and looked at me and said the outcome and he led me to believe this message came from the man he met, when it was in fact her, his behaviour when I have asked questions has been to just disregard, say I am overeacting, he didn't lie because he never told me so its not lying and that he didn't sleep with her so he's done nothing wrong! i cant seem to make him understand that the purposeful deciet that he has followed up with has really upset me, when i ask questions he claims to have forgotten but didn forget her bloomin face though! one minute he says I wont allow him friends then retracts with 'attractive' friends, then she wasn't a friend, then she was, he didn't fancy her because she was big (I was bigger than her at the time) all contradictory, I know him better than he knows himself, I struggle to verbalise what I mean but he has been too evasive, if I don't ask something in a specific way I won't get the truth. we have been together over 30 years, he let slip when arguing about it one night that if I dont ask, he doesn't tell! I honestly thought we were on the same page re something like this, I asked how he would feel if I met two people at a course and came home and raved about the woman only and left the atrractive younger man out of the equation but he claims that would be ok, even though I know he would be hurt, its not the substance of the chat, it the hiding it, he says he didnt hide it, he just didnt mention it and that's what I struggle with, if it was innocent why would you not tell? I have become obsessed with trying to find out what went on as I now feel that it will happen again and I need to be on the lookout for it! i have become what will push him away and we spend more time arguing than anything else. Until this we had a great relationship, in my bones I just cant get over how we suddenly see something so simple, so differently. Any advice? I need an outside perspective as Its driving me mad