To think it is personal when people ignore your messages?!

Sometimes people just want to be left alone. I hate this expectation that we are available to everybody all of the time .

I realise that @Mill3nnial , but I was specifically replying to @snowlady4 's assertation that a) people have their phone in their hand all the time and b) people must be able to message a quick reply.

You sound like you are putting your expectations on others. Unless it's an urgent manner I would find you quite rude if you expected an immediate reply.

I wouldn't telephone somebody and expect them just to have a chat without checking first (or something urgent) or drop in their house.
People are busy and often have other priorities than being stuck on their phone.

I know a lot of people disagree with you @iCantStopppEating but I agree. People leaving me on 'read' just pisses me off. I don't expect an answer within 30 seconds, but the same day would be nice.

I have several people in my life who do this, (my message is read but they don't answer!!!) and they are generally decent and good people, so I try not to take it personally, but it's soooooooooooooo annoying!

3 times out of 4 I have to message them again before they respond. Fucks me right off TBH.

I often have to message them again and say 'hiya, sorry to bother you - did you get my message from 10 hours ago/yesterday?' The answer is ALWAYS 'oh yeah sorry I've been busy.' Sorry but no-one is 'too busy' to send a quick message. Even to say 'hiya, bit busy now. Will message you this evening.'

It is rude to not respond within a few hours. As I said, even the same day would be OK!

I don't think OP means she expects a reply within a few hours. She mentions messages being ignored for days.

When working, I can be in a meeting, and glance at a message as it comes in, but not able to message a reply.
Same as when I am outside and don't want to take my gloves off.
Same as when I might get my phone out to have a quick glance (to see if any emergency / urgent messages) when am out with someone, or spending time with someone else.
I'm sure there are plenty of other times people can have a quick glance, to read what has come in, but aren't able to reply.

They should feel lucky they've got friends who want to see them.

Completely agree.. everyone has their phone in their hand.. but can't take 2 seconds to say, "busy now reply later,"
If they value you, they'll reply.
There's a saying, "when people show you who they are, believe them." And I think the same goes for when people show you how little they value you, believe them.
I'm as busy as the next person but I don't leave people on read.

YABU. I agree with most.

If you need something urgently, then phone the person. Otherwise, a messaging system like WhatsApp is asynchronistic. You message when it is convenient to you and the other person replies when it is convenient for them.

One problem I find with WhatsApp is that I can't mark messages 'unread' like I can my e-mails. So if I've glanced at something when I am not able to reply, it then isn't showing as being a message needing to be responded to, so it is then easy to forget later, when I could have replied, if I'd remembered it was there.

I totally agree with you OP.

But MN is really odd about messages, phone calls and even answering the door, so I'm not surprised you've got the responses you have.

It depends. If someone is a very close friend or close family member it's normal that they would reply either the same/next day. If it's a friend who has loads of WhatsApp groups/busy social life, then it's more understandable. If it's someone who has been out for a heavy sesh and they've forgotten they've seen your message, it's understandable. If your friend has ADHD, it's understandable. Also, it depends on the nature of the message. If it's something very important, then people who care about you should respond. If it's a casual message, people may be distracted and forget.

I agree random shit is very annoying. I don't send memes or jokes or chat. I simply ask "Are you free to go to X" or "I am in your area. Want a coffee?"

People can respond quite simply to those.

I have a couple of people that message me and if l reply, theybsee it as an open invite to chat random shit for the rest of the day. I don't have time for that so kinder to not reply sometimes.

This is why I have a regular phone detox
I don't go onto any SM now and don't accept messages calls etc if I'm working or busy
I then do a timed phone use for 1 hour in the evening
It saves me so much time and I'm getting so much done.
I can set my phone to DND except for DH and my adult DC in case of emergencies.

It’s mad that only 25 years ago this problem didn’t exist.

This is an interesting perspective, I feel there's something in this for some people.

May be way off the mark but if the OP has low self esteem and poor boundaries, it's likely her friends do too.

Firstly because of the whole birds of a feather flocking together and also because people with healthy self esteem and boundaries tend to find people with low self esteem, poor boundaries and people pleasing tendencies to be 'too much'.

Which will also cause issues and mean that they will impose on others whilst not necessarily offering the same in return.

I read a very thoughtful response on a similar thread a while back, which pointed out that technology (texting, WhatsApp, social media) keeps some friendships alive that would have drifted apart naturally in the past. This really resonated with me. For example, with your school mum friend, would she just be someone who you say hello to at the school gates and have a brief chat with, rather than being so heavily invested and supporting her by messaging?

Likewise, I’ve moved away from my home town and in the past, this would mean losing touch with school friends - but some of us are on Facebook so that brings a certain amount of ‘keeping in touch’ and reacting to good/ bad news. Not as intense as a WhatsApp group but still something to take up ‘brain space’.

As a result, it can feel like you’re being bombarded with requests and some people just don’t want to deal with it, which other people then perceive as rude.

Like you op I always try and return calls. People are so flaky since covid. You see it on here ghosting or cancelling. I dont really chase friends now

My bad manners example, asked for permission to watsapp etc as building the friendship, got the permission kept texts to a reasonable extent and then after doing the customary have a good weekend as usually only send these each Friday, next thing I'm blocked, it's like I understand if there are other factors etc but at least a talk would of helped me understand the reason better

Totally agree!
Plain rude. It's the selective replying that pisses me off.
If u need a mental break from people, fair enough. But don't be selective, that's rude.
I've turned off my last seen on WhatsApp so I can't see others. On 100 times a day yet not opening or responding to me which usually can be sorted with a simple thumbs up or heart.
Also on social media, posting, sharing, sending follow requests.

Don't be selective, it's offensive!
If you need a break, which we all do!
Take a break from everyone.

Sometimes I’m sent such goady rubbish I can’t find anything to say in response.
Sometimes this person will send a msg to test the water. I’ll respond and then be ignored. Life was so much more straightforward before WhatsApp

My phone is for MY convenience. I will look at it/interact with it on my schedule, not on yours.

Your phone is for YOUR convenience. I will understand that you will use it as you wish, not as I wish.

It is not an insult/snub if someone doesn’t respond on your schedule. They will respond on theirs.

It's giving very "central character" vibes, to believe that people are purposefully not responding to annoy, irritate or purposefully ignore you. It's very demanding and entitled to believe that you warrant their immediate attention irrelevant of what they may or may not have going on in their life.

Absolutely agree with this.
On the flip side
I'm on the end of someone who messages constantly and wants to do things,I don't need or want them too.
It's irritating being offered lifts when I can drive myself, I'm an adult!!
It's so draining and needy.
If I'm being honest I just ignore their messages now

True friends will come to you, chasing people is to boost your self esteem, you use them, they use you and it becomes this resentful relationship.