To think it is personal when people ignore your messages?!

Sometimes people are just busy. Sometimes they just don’t know what to reply

Sometimes it takes more energy than you have.
Sometimes it never gets to the top of the list.
Sometimes it genuinely gets forgotten.
Sometimes people have different ways of showing they care.

That’s completely different, OP, as replying a thought on a forum has no backwards context or forward context for either person. It’s a response in a vacuum. The sorts of messages from friends and family most often include plans, in-context chit chat, in-context opinions, etc etc. It takes up way more brain space than responding to something on a forum.

I work full time, have a 3hr round commute, have twins, currently house reno with builders here every day, work a second evening job a few hours a week, have pets, and a vulnerable parent. DH also has all these stressors.

So yes, deciding what on half what about these term plans? do I want these concert tickets in 2 months? Do you want to come to mine for Christmas? Where do you want to grab dinner in two weeks? Are you free for so-and-sos leaving drinks? Do you think I should dump Nigel? Etc etc etc … there is not room in my brain as soon as the message drops, especially when there can be multiple a day.

And any ‘friend’ who takes offence to that and makes it about them can take a hike.

I'm late tho this chat.

When a woman is alone, she may count more on friends and may need more communication. That shouldn't be looked down upon as needy or clingy.

Women who have a family life, kids, a job, a husband and multiple obligations can take all this for granted. Later in life when kids and husbands are gone, they can find themselves in a lonelier situation and need more attention from friends, like the women they used to despise.

I’m ok as my friends are WhatsAppers rather than talkers. Apart from my mum, if anyone calls unexpectedly i just watch my phone ring with zero chance I’ll actually answer

I agree with this! Can’t stand being called

Each to their own, I have a friend who calls for a chat. If it’s not convenient, I won’t answer but I don’t get annoyed at her for trying. She will usually drop me a text straight after saying “just called for a chat, not urgent - speak to you soon”
And I will call her back in my own time.

Agree. I’ve got very close very good mates who really don’t stress out if we don’t hear from each other for several days

Id rather someone took time and sent a proper response when they’re ready rather than a half arsed quick reply or far far far worse the dreaded 👍

Nope I dont answer it!. But the point is- a call is far more "demanding" than a text message!

Anyway I just don’t bother when people do this to me now and they miss out on my important updates and have to wait until they make an effort to see me. Often when they ask for a date to see me now I am already booked up with people who reply within 1 or 2 days, or shock horror a couple of hours

Oh no, how will they ever cope.

Of course, you don’t get to dictate what they do with their time
They don’t get to dictate how you react to that.

If one of my friends fell out with me over something like this I would think it was sad but that maybe we just aren’t compatible as mates 🤷‍♀️

Or you could just not answer the phone if it’s not convenient and move on with your life

Personally I dont like being called on the phone- that to me, is FAR more inconvenient than receiving a text you can respond to whenever you like. I am often driving for work, out and about, cant talk at work etc so anyone insisting on calling would get short shrift from me- thats far more demanding of an immediate reply than a text.

It is very tedious. Now I say Im free x or y day. Busy the others. As you say they dont reply and your days on hold. Find it all so time wasting now!

I love all my friends dearly but if it was important they'd call, I find some people so bloody needy with messages. The whole you must have 30 seconds to spare to reply to me or we aren't friends is so childish. No wonder people turn off the blue ticks.

I'll reply when I a)remember, b) want to or c)have something to say. It's not me trying to assert my importance, or me thinking I'm special. I'm not dating my friends, they're not my family (although some are like family and those are treated the same as my family) so the communication doesn't have to be daily or on the same level.

Posting on here or Social media is much easier than responding to a friend's message some days. Some days I just don't want to bloody speak to anyone.

It’s not personal at all. I reply to messages when I’ve got time and headspace to give a proper response rather than a rushed half arsed one.

And I’d rather not receive a reply for a few days than a bloody 👍 - that absolutely grinds my gears.

I think you’re massively overthinking tbh

Mine open on my watch and then I reply later on if I’m busy, because I can actually remember about the person who has messaged me. Those who “forget” probably should stick to emails or phone call appointments!

Agreed.

No one is expecting people to be replying immediately or stopping what they are doing to reply, but if you have any kind of relationship courtesy would be to respond in a reasonable amount of time. As I said in my previous post these people often have time to scroll on TIK tok but not reply. People that I consider “friends” have ignored my message for 2/3 days but posted mindless crap on their social media in that time - make it make sense !!! Anyway I just don’t bother when people do this to me now and they miss out on my important updates and have to wait until they make an effort to see me. Often when they ask for a date to see me now I am already booked up with people who reply within 1 or 2 days, or shock horror a couple of hours !

That's right. But you can choose not to communicate with them or/and have a relationship with them. I choose not to have relationships with people who don't value me enough to take 30seconds out of their day to acknowledge my message . . .

Or better yet, turn all your read receipts off and ‘online and last seen’ status

You do not get to dictate what other people do with their time.

Mine open on my watch or when I’m looking at something else, or I realise it’s going to be longer to reply to, or something else happens.

The solution is for the sender to not assume that they’re the only or most important thing that the receiver has to do in that moment, or even at that time more generally. Accept that people have stuff going on and / or sometimes need to limit demands on them for all sorts of reasons.

Stop opening messages out of curiosity when you can’t reply to them. Solved.

The other person sees you haven’t “opened the package”.

Whats upsetting is when your friend sees you open the package, walk away and leave it.

Exactly, there are something like 12 million users on this site. How many of them didn't reply..?