Or should we get over it because she has?
She’s been with him for 3 years, he cheated on her a year ago. She walked in on it actually happening during a party at his house. Saw it all. Massively traumatic and she was hysterical. Initially dumped him but then got back with him a few months later after he chased her. We were absolutely gobsmacked (and furious). No way DH or I would stay together if one of us had done that despite having DC and she knew we fully had her back and we wanted to do him some harm. We certainly didn’t model to her to stay with someone who disrespects you and causes you massive emotional pain, quite the opposite. She’s quite feisty personality wise too so it was shocking when she admitted she was back with him.
She accepted his excuse (drunk) but we were hoping she’d wake up eventually as maybe still in shock and get rid of him completely but she hasn’t and she’s completely in love with him. It makes my skin crawl. We refused to have him as part of the family or anywhere near the house afterwards (DD still lives at home) and she is pretty secretive about her relationship with him which also worries me as in a normal situation, he’d be a part of the family and she could tell us what’s going on/ask advice if anything is bothering her about her relationship.
She’s only early 20’s, obviously no DC, they don’t live together and have no ties so we just can’t understand why she insists on staying with him after he did the unforgivable. She has other options other than staying with a disgusting twat like him. We’ve discussed if she has kids with him, that it might come back to haunt her when she’s vulnerable and she’ll resent him but be tied to him for life with DC etc. I can’t imagine how she’d want to have DC with him but she does! He’s her first and only boyfriend and she can’t see herself ever with someone else.
I’ve said to DH we can’t keep on shunning him as it’s gone on too long and it could lead to her distancing herself from us if they move in together or have DC, or stuff going on that we won’t know about. He doesn’t want anything to do with him and nor do I but we’re going to have to?