Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be SO fucking hurt by this

283 replies

BelleSauvage9 · 10/11/2024 00:27

Just been at a birthday party for my nephew in laws partner. At the end of the night dp made a big point of telling nephew to get up in the morning with their kids (because he never does). Dp NEVER gets up with our kids. Not on my birthday, mother's day, just never. I feel so unbelievably hurt that he thinks nephews partner is worth that effort and I, the mother of his children, his partner, the hub of our home, is not.

I expressed this to him. His response was that he tells me to wake him up. I've told him many times there's no point in doing that because if I'm awake enough to wake him, then I'm awake and I won't be able to go back to sleep. And it just feels like a bloody cop out, and puts the responsibility onto me. How the hell does being responsible for your own lie in make you feel valued and appreciated and cared for. I just despair :(

OP posts:
Wasityoubecayse · 10/11/2024 06:16

This reply has been hidden

This reply has been hidden until the MNHQ team can have a look at it.

Wasityoubecayse · 10/11/2024 06:16

Urm no .

ChiefEverythingOfficer · 10/11/2024 06:16

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

.

Wasityoubecayse · 10/11/2024 06:15

This reply has been hidden

This reply has been hidden until the MNHQ team can have a look at it.

ChiefEverythingOfficer · 10/11/2024 06:14

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Babe, you need to:

Use a spell checker.
Invest in a Delorian (to time travel back from 1950).
Quit the booze.

Not necessarily in that order 😁😁😁

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 10/11/2024 06:13

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Are you drunk?

Wasityoubecayse · 10/11/2024 06:13

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Wasityoubecayse · 10/11/2024 06:11

Flowerrrr · 10/11/2024 06:10

U OK hun?

Yes just worked out tje quote ppst. Her husband ppsted im responding to him.

Icanttakethisanymore · 10/11/2024 06:11

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Go to bed? Are you in the uk? My baby got me up an hour ago 😂

ChiefEverythingOfficer · 10/11/2024 06:11

Flowerrrr · 10/11/2024 06:10

U OK hun?

😂😂😂😂

Flowerrrr · 10/11/2024 06:10

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

U OK hun?

Icanttakethisanymore · 10/11/2024 06:08

How old are the kids? I sleep far more lightly than my DP so I am always awake before him but I wake him up to get up with the kids. He couldn’t really set an alarm because they don’t wake up at the same time every day. I don’t see this as an issue. He is happy to get up but I always wake up first, there’s not really anything he can do about that. I get the impression it’s about more than just the getting up though. If you feel under appreciated you have 3 options; leave him, talk to him or accept it.

Wasityoubecayse · 10/11/2024 06:07

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Wasityoubecayse · 10/11/2024 06:07

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Wasityoubecayse · 10/11/2024 06:06

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ChiefEverythingOfficer · 10/11/2024 06:04

Wasityoubecayse · 10/11/2024 05:59

Dont be silly its not ypur job to INTENTIONALLY embarss ypur partner, wtf how are old are you

Who was intentionally embarrassing anybody? I think you have lost the plot (literally).

Also you can reply to a post so it makes more sense who you are replying to. Click the quote button.

BelleSauvage9 · 10/11/2024 06:03

I didn't intentionally embarrass him. Just because other people have mentioned calling him out in front of people, don't put that on me please, I didn't do (or say) that.

And no, I don't currently work. I worked until dc2 was born. Dc1 is 13, dc2 is nearly 3 and dc3 is 18 months. Dp and I agreed for me to stay home with the youngest 2 until dc2 starts school and we only have to afford nursery fees for dc3

OP posts:
Wasityoubecayse · 10/11/2024 06:02

I would not approach this in anger, but with the hurt you feel, be prepared to hear that you do NOT think he is the husband he believes he is, and he might let you know the same. It sounds like poor communication rather than him maliciously not making you tea.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 10/11/2024 06:00

Wasityoubecayse · 10/11/2024 05:55

Omg your a unit he looks bad you look bad,

Hi OP's not so "D" P. You need to (a) pull your weight and (b) learn to spell.

Wasityoubecayse · 10/11/2024 06:00

Was talking to other poster.

Wasityoubecayse · 10/11/2024 05:59

Dont be silly its not ypur job to INTENTIONALLY embarss ypur partner, wtf how are old are you

BelleSauvage9 · 10/11/2024 05:58

Shoxfordian · 10/11/2024 05:55

How long are you going to stay with him when he doesn't appreciate you or make you feel loved?

I don't know, I imagine there will come a time when I've 100% had enough. And the more these things happen the closer I get to that

OP posts:
Ger1atricMillennial · 10/11/2024 05:58

Oh that is shit OP. Especially as he he has now shown knows how to treat a partner with respect, but doesn't do it.

You are right to be angry. You are not his mother, he has an adult brain and can make adult decisions. If he wanted to behave in a supportive way, he would.

Looks like its the sofa for him until he works out you are his partner not his maid.

Wasityoubecayse · 10/11/2024 05:58

BelleSauvage9 · 10/11/2024 05:54

Maybe I sound like a total bitch but I don't want him to look good for acting like someone that he isn't?! He's great at diy and I'll be the first person to say 'oh dp did such a great job of this, it looks so good' 'he worked so hard on this thing' etc, things that he actually deserves to look good for. But no I don't want him getting 'credit' for being an amazing dad and partner when sadly he is not those things and I feel he hasn't earned the right to be given that label. And everyone acting like he is because that's what he shows them when they're around to see it, feels really invalidating to my lived experience of him being actually a bit shit with all those things and me feeling like I'm in an unequal partnership and having to cope with the burden of childcare and housework and the running of the household with absolute minimal support.

Do you work? And are the children really young, because that is hell. It sounds like a communication issue but be aware your point seems to be what he does is not good enough, i would not take that well.

BelleSauvage9 · 10/11/2024 05:57

Wasityoubecayse · 10/11/2024 05:55

Omg your a unit he looks bad you look bad,

So yet again the responsibility for his behaviour is put onto me?! You've absolutely lost me at that, but thanks for trying to put across a different perspective for me to consider. I've considered and do not agree with you at all.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread