To be SO fucking hurt by this

No I think she should get a lie in sometimes if thats what she wants as well but the fact is, he's not said he wouldn't do that for her. He's said he would, he just wants her to wake him up and she's being difficult and saying she won't get back to sleep then. I'm not sure how she knows she won't get back to sleep if she's never had a lie in like she's saying.

Also I get being a Mum is essentially a full time job but to say it's more than working full time I think is a bit disingenuous. I've done both and I can say being a stay at home Mum is a lot easier than working full time and I think a lot of women would agree.

Men are ass wipes..end of! And no, am not bitter, l am married to a Narcissist..try THAT one ! Luckily l am a Psychologist so am one step ahead! 😁

Your response to him saying that you are to wake him needs to be "I'm not your alarm clock. You are an adult and a parent and you can set your own alarm. You're setting a terrible example for your kids by the way that they always see me getting up with them in the morning and never you. So for the time being, you're going to be getting up every Saturday/Sunday with the kids, so you need to do what you need to do"

Then don't do or say another thing.

Let him set up or fail. Then you'll know where you are in relation to this.

So he works full time outside the home 5 days a week and of course it’s reasonable for him to have a lie in at the weekend. OP works full time inside the home, longer hours, but it is not reasonable for her to have a lie in at the weekend because her work is unpaid? Did I get that right?

Do you not feel like him working and providing for the family is valuable? If you want to share your load of early morning childcare, should you not also start working so he could reduce his hours? If he's up early 5 days a week then why shouldn't he be able to sleep in on his days off? I think you're looking for problems tbh.

At the end of the day its a unit you're both contributing to. It sounds like you think your part is more valuable than his even though he's financially supporting you.

I totally get this. He's not a bad partner; he just doesn't get it.

I can see why this is particularly upsetting - he clearly knows what do, but can’t quite be arsed if no one is watching. And based on results, you are no one. I would consider going to a hotel on the nights it is your turn for a lie in 😂

True, but if you want a lie in so you feel more energised for the day wake him up. It’s a shame he doesn’t think you deserve it, but at least you’ll get to catch up on sleep and have some peace and quiet for a few hours

So he asks you to wake him up, and yet you don't but say its his fault... He probably works all week too and is equally tired. Teach your kids to lay in would be the better idea. Our kids have been set from a young age, that half 8 is the earliest for a weekend and stuck to it from a young age, that way you both get a lay in!
Look for solutions rather than blaming..

Is it possible your hurt because he has the nerve to suggest someone does something that he never does, basically he’s a hypocrite.

Perhaps he doesnt like your bad language for a start, i would hate it.

Dp NEVER gets up with our kids. Not on my birthday, mother's day, just never. I feel so unbelievably hurt that he thinks nephews partner is worth that effort and I, the mother of his children, his partner, the hub of our home, is not

Arguably the bigger issue is that he’s a shit dad. I’d have thought more often than not that selfish men don’t suddenly become selfless and considerate when children arrive on the scene. As the cliche goes “Women think/hope that men (after marriage) will change, but they don’t”.

When my wife and myself first moved in to our first place I asked her if she would wake me up because I would sleep through an earthquake. She tried everything but I would not stir until she tipped a jug of freezing water on me. Try that and see if it works.

All partners try and make out to others what a great guy they are. When he said this to the nephew you should have laughed out loud and asked when was he going to start? Set his alarm without telling him.

And sometimes there is more take and less give than there should be from one of the partners.

Noooooooo.

You are looking for a problem. If he us a total waste of space you should examine if you have a future together, if he is otherwise a good partner ask yourself of you might possibly have any faults. Its give and take in any relationship.

Give him a kick in the nads, sure that'll wake him up. Even if you sit there scrolling your phone whilst he gets up it's still quality alone time away from the kids.

We have a general rule in the week of whoever hears the kids gets up with them. However we all have to be up by 7am and the kids generally a
wake 630-7 so it's not a lie in as such. More the first person gets breakfast on the table and the kettle on. The other showers/gets dressed first, we generally are about 50/50 on this. At the weekend I get the lay in on Saturday 90% of the time I'm awake at the same time as the kids. However I get a tea in bed and it's my time until I'm ready to move for DH to get ready to take the eldest to swimming. On Sundays it's DH's lie in and I shut the bedroom door and get on with our day until we hear him move about. Sometimes like today I am out for the weekend and away from home tonight. So we switched days and DH had the lie in today and I'll have it tomorrow.

To say that getting up early with young kids definitely needs to he split. Not only for fairness but for actual sanity. Personally I'd call him out every time he acts the perfect dad. He needs to do what he preaches

“And no, I don't currently work.”

Yes you do, OP - 24/7. Please don’t underestimate the value of full-time parenting.

There is no such thing as a non-working mother.

This!
Also, if he needs help “waking up”, just give him a big kick and go back to sleep. Selfish A-hole.

My ex did the same, OP. Every morning I was the one to get up with our DS. Then one Sunday he got up before me (for his own reasons) and I overheard him calling his mum and telling her I was in bed and he was 'letting me have a lie in', sounding like he did it all the bloody time! 😡

Quite simple, just pragmatically go on strike on a few of your days off… how? explain in advance that childcare needs to be shared. Book a few days where he can babysit and you can take time out. Go see a film, spa, eat donuts, see friends, cycle, do whatever makes you happy. Like on the airplane, you need that oxygen mask first - then you are more able to help others. When you get your needs met, you won’t care what he said to whom.

It's a total cop out. I had this the other way round (I was the dad) ... I ended up actually leaving, once the kids had flown the nest. It was indicative of a whole range of extremely selfish behaviour.

Well, I never got a morning or night off and, after just over a year of this, I'd had enough. Over the next 6 months, I slowly pieced together that I'd been the victim of a covert narcissist and coercive control for 16 years. Unfortunately, lockdown and health issues trapped me with the b*st@rd for another 3 years but I got myself and our son out. This is what should await your DP, if he doesn't start valuing you. Get your needs met or get rid. It's that simple. Life is too short to waste years on a selfish c u next Tuesday.

This, this, and this again! And to have the cheek to gas light, when you called him out 😡

As a matter of principle wake him up one day each weekend; use the time to do something for you. He might not be so loose with his words next time!