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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be SO fucking hurt by this

283 replies

BelleSauvage9 · 10/11/2024 00:27

Just been at a birthday party for my nephew in laws partner. At the end of the night dp made a big point of telling nephew to get up in the morning with their kids (because he never does). Dp NEVER gets up with our kids. Not on my birthday, mother's day, just never. I feel so unbelievably hurt that he thinks nephews partner is worth that effort and I, the mother of his children, his partner, the hub of our home, is not.

I expressed this to him. His response was that he tells me to wake him up. I've told him many times there's no point in doing that because if I'm awake enough to wake him, then I'm awake and I won't be able to go back to sleep. And it just feels like a bloody cop out, and puts the responsibility onto me. How the hell does being responsible for your own lie in make you feel valued and appreciated and cared for. I just despair :(

OP posts:
BellissimoGecko · 10/11/2024 00:47

But he plainly won't do this by himself, so you need to tell him!

And treat him like he teas you: if he burnt her up when it's his turn, do the same to him.

traintaker · 10/11/2024 00:45

YANBU I’d be bloody furious too.
You can’t make him less selfish unfortunately but you can make it bloody inconvenient for him.
Next time it’s a “lie in day” for you - wake him up good and proper, nice and early. 6am, or whenever the kids wake, whichever is soonest. Whip the covers off him, cold wet sponge, turf him onto the floor, whatever works. Then stay in bed till midday, at least.
He’ll wake himself up next time, for sure.

Chandoswest · 10/11/2024 00:44

His response was that he tells me to wake him up. I've told him many times there's no point in doing that because if I'm awake enough to wake him, then I'm awake and I won't be able to go back to sleep. And it just feels like a bloody cop out, and puts the responsibility onto me.

Yes it's a cop out but hold him to it then, wake him up and then disappear back into bed. He's too thick or inconsiderate to take the initiative so this is the next best thing.

ExH used to pretend he was still asleep whilst I got our toddler up most mornings, did the whole morning routine. If I had a lie in then I would be met with complaints of tiredness, a reminder of the exact time he woke up and the need for him to go back to bed.

Original poster
BelleSauvage9 · 10/11/2024 00:37

5475878237NC · 10/11/2024 00:30

Can you tell him to set his alarm once a week for before the kids are up, and play white noise next to your head so you're not disturbed? I would be hurt as well, because he's effectively saying you're not that important to make the effort for.

But this is part of the problem isn't it, why should I have to tell him to set his alarm?! If he cares about me and values my contribution to our household why can't he think for himself to set an alarm?? Why can't he think to himself 'she works really hard for our family, she must be tired, I'll make an effort tomorrow and get up with the kids, I best set my alarm to make sure I wake up'. Why is it MY responsibility to make him behave like an appreciative partner?!

OP posts:
MyKidsAreTooNoisy · 10/11/2024 00:36

I hear you, but also, why don’t you wake him? In a similar situation I generally wouldn’t go back to sleep, but at least I am not up and dealing with the kids breakfast time bickering etc. I think you are a semi-martyr tbh!

Ubugly · 10/11/2024 00:33

Trying to look like the big man perfect husband, making out he does that! Did you call him out? I would have and be seething to!

TheMotherSide · 10/11/2024 00:32

I feel you. Someone will be along to suggest ways of raising this with him, but tonight, I just despair at the unthinking, unfeeling vacuum that seems to occupy the frontal lobes of many spouses.

5475878237NC · 10/11/2024 00:30

Can you tell him to set his alarm once a week for before the kids are up, and play white noise next to your head so you're not disturbed? I would be hurt as well, because he's effectively saying you're not that important to make the effort for.