To be SO fucking hurt by this

I too would feel murderous but id be waking mine. Every morning until he got the hang of it on his own. He needs the practice then you can start sharing it. I am a firm believer in making the lazy approach the harder approach for these men. (And after waking him I’d laze in bed dreaming out it being 11am and there being nothing else on in my day)

Why do you get up?

Didn’t you laugh out loud when he said it? I would have, and come back with ‘when was the last time you did that?!’

What he said was no reflection on his thoughts on you, it’s all about him. Sounds like he doesn’t give anyone except him and his own ego a second thought. So you need to make it happen and stop putting barriers in place. If you want him to do it, make it happen. Unless the principle is more important for you than the lie in. In which case enjoy the stalemate.

I would bring the kids into bed with you every weekend. Make sure he wakes up too. And book a hotel just for yourself every now and then so you can sleep in.

It’s not what you want to do but I’d just wake him up to get up with them, even if you don’t go back to sleep you can stay in bed and let him deal with the kids.

I think you are wrong- I think you must ask for that lie in and make sure it happens because YOU deserve it. Value yourself enough to just make him do it.

This. He obviously understands that the father should step up so take this opportunity,when you are both calm, to say "It was so good you set an example the other day for nephew. ll be up on x day which makes your day Y". When Y comes stay in bed, be somewhere else and don't get involved at all. Sometimes as mum's as think we can do it better and it undermines the dad position. I learnt very early that he needed to not have me hovering over him (still hard on some days and my DC are older now) , or I would get no respite from the constant thinking. When he has this great opportunity on Y day, do not react and I'm sure he will have it and it will give you a break. If he doesn't step on on Y day then you have bigger problems to solve.

Ah @BelleSauvage9 I get it.

He knows what makes a good relationship, but he doesn't do it.

YANBU.

Call his bluff. Wake him up EVERY single Saturday and Sunday. Take a Nytol and go back to sleep. Or read the news in bed. Either way - let him deal with the kids from now on.

Or take his phone and set a recurring alarm for every Saturday and Sunday. Job done.

I would be enraged @BelleSauvage9 and would have said loudly at the party “DH are you for real? You literally never get up to our kids”

The hypocrisy and grandstanding for outsiders would infuriate me. Also the fact that he knows what a treat a sleep in is but doesn’t think to let you have one. Prick.

Totally understand your frustration. For him to have said this out loud to his nephew shows he knows that he should be doing it, but doesn't. That's hurtful. If he just didn't think about it then fine, but he's thought about it on some other woman's behalf. Whether that was just to make himself look like the big I am or not, who knows. But I'd be fuming too. And I'd definitely be saying to him, glad to see you've realised how hard it is being the one who gets up every morning I'm sure now you'll have your alarm set once a week (or whatever suits you) to make sure you're pulling your weight :)

I 100% get where you’re coming from, I really do. You could ask, and when you tell him how you feel and get the inevitable response of ‘why don’t you just ask me’ or ‘why don’t you wake me up’ (after the endless excuses of why they haven’t done it, of course) it’s just not the same, the fact he doesn’t value you enough to think “I’ll set my alarm early tomorrow to sort the kids so she can have a lie in” then bring you a cup of tea in bed.

It’s these little things that really show how much someone cares and appreciates you, and when they don’t do it off their own back it FEELS that they don’t care. Might not be the whole truth but it just feels like they don’t care enough.

Not much advice other than having that conversation but I just wanted to say I understand where you are coming from and I’d be equally hurt and fuming!

Goes back to that saying...... "If he wanted to, he would"

However it's not a reflection on you and your worth , it's a reflection on his lack of effort and laziness X

Part of me feels for you the other half just is thinking what the fuck?
Why have you not just said get up you lazy fucker.Every other day. And then left him to it. He"s a chancer and a cunt.

You absolutely must wake him
up and let him take the kids, don’t back down. He’s never going to do this under his own steam. It’s infuriating, my DH managed a team pre-covid wfh and allowed them to wfh 2 days a week while he went into the office as they had ‘young’ children - so did we!

How can you have a nephew in law?

He's a tit with double standards! Wake the fucker up on Saturday or Sunday every weekend. You can always go back to sleep. You need to stand up for yourself here. My H can be a fucking selfish pig but he always knew that I was getting a lie-in on one weekend morning!!

I’d be homicidal alright, but rather than him thinking his nephew’s partner was worth the effort of getting up for and you aren’t, I think he was trying to sound like a top husband in front of other people.

It isn't your responsibility. Bluntly, he isn't the man you want him to be. He's never, off his own initiative, going to treat you the way you wish.

@BelleSauvage9 i get what you mean - you want it to come from him, you want him to want to wake up, not to have to ask.

Sadly I can relate (obviously not to the specific situation, but to having to ask for appreciation even in cases where he obviously knows what the “right” thing to do is but just can’t be bothered).

Sorry OP, this would make me feel really angry and hurt as well. and of course you shouldn’t have to tell him to set his alarm either.

Ffs, that should say

But he plainly won't do this by himself, so you need to tell him!

And treat him like he treats you: if he doesn't get up when it's his turn, do the same to him.

Then make plans to leave, if you have to...