To be SO fucking hurt by this

It isn't your responsibility. Bluntly, he isn't the man you want him to be. He's never, off his own initiative, going to treat you the way you wish.

If you're a stay-at-home mom, remember that your contribution is as valuable as your partner's salary. It's important to advocate for yourself and not let your hard work go unappreciated. I’ve been in your shoes as one of the parents juggling responsibilities at home. It's entirely fair to expect recognition for everything you do, but that won't always happen

If your partner thinks their job is more challenging than yours or feels that bringing in income is all that counts, consider having an open conversation about it. It’s all about sharing perspectives! Both of you are working hard, and the challenges of the past years, like navigating through COVID, make me think this is a dip. His salary is your wage, your not unpaid.

Just know that your worth isn’t tied to your role at home; your partner loves you for who you are. Have you ever thought about discussing love languages? That could help both of you understand each other better. If you lead with, I do this, and You do nothing, guaranteed row.

It's normal to feel exhausted sometimes, especially after everything we've been through. Plan a quick getaway, like a weekend in Tenerife, if possible. It might be a good chance to recharge, even if you catch up on some much-needed sleep!

I genuinely believe in the importance of women standing up for themselves and being respected for their individuality. You've got this! I use xhatgpt to make me sound nicer. I realise I'm approaching this clinically :)

Ffs are you her husband? Your comments are ridiculous and infuriating.

Omg your a unit he looks bad you look bad,

As I said previously you're assuming things to create a narrative. If he didnt help at all then I'm sure she would have said that but she hasn't. She's mentioned the weekend lie in as being the issue.
She's not 100% responsible as one kid is in school, one is in nursery so she's looking after one of her own children during the day 5 days a week then he's doing his bit when he's not at work as far as we know. It's not the same as a full time job, simple as.

Also at the end of the day these things should have been discussed when OP quit her job to be a parent. How childcare, housework etc will be split is an essential basic conversation to have and nobody seems to be focusing on that being the issue. Just saying OP is a victim and has no responsibilty in this situation and husband is rubbish without knowing half the facts isn't the answer here.

Well today is my birthday and I did not get a lie in. Dp had set an alarm (I didn't ask him to), made a very half hearted attempted to get up with dc3 (he's a clingy one, was crying for mummy and they didn't make it beyond the landing). He absolutely would've calmed if dp had gone downstairs and engaged him but yeah, he didn't try to. Yes I could have insisted but I just don't have the energy for a battle about it. And sure people think I'm being a martyr and maybe I am but I don't even care, I'll just prove to myself that I can do it all alone because maybe at some point I'm going to have to.

Dp got up about an hour later, came downstairs like nothing was wrong, then asked me why I was grumpy. I said I thought it would be pretty obvious given our argument last week. He tried to defend himself saying he tried and is now pissed off with me because I was bothered by it and has taken himself back to bed. Didn't wish me a happy birthday at any point either. Just to be clear, I didn't have a go at him, I wasn't argumentative or even saying things in a shitty tone, I was very matter of fact about it and even somewhat lighthearted so his getting annoyed with me is not because I attacked him or anything like that.

I'm not sure it's worth saying much more, I think he's just a dick who doesn't care about me 🤷‍♀️

Everyone is right that I just need to wake him and hold my ground and assert my own worth, but the point was that I feel like (at least sometimes) I shouldn't have to and he should make an effort to show appreciation. Because it's not demonstrating appreciation to be MADE to do something is it.

Anyway, I won't keep going on. Thanks for responses I appreciate them, even the ones that don't agree with me - it's given me some food for thought and I have considered the things people have said.

He is working to feed and house his children. Of course childcare is 24/7 - when they are sleeping you can’t just go out and meet up with friends. You are legally and morally required to be present and responsible. By making him the hero you are making her his unpaid bang maid. I have a son, if he treated his wife, the mother of his children, this way I’d be disgusted and sad I hadn’t brought him up better.

Female Servants ( cooks, maids, cleaners) were not allowed to be married, female factory workers had more flexibility especially during the war, but when the men returned the women were sent home for the factories. Women have always been viewed as temporary workers, working for ‘pin money’ until they found a man, although some managed to hold on until they were pregnant.

Did that make you feel powerful. I dont think it was. Kind of pathetic you cant engage in convo. Noone works 24/7 its obviously a lie a weird one. Children aleep, they go to school ect. Rather then using this to make out her husband is worthless, understand what he does do. To the poster above who said calculate unpaid labour its not unpaid, if you are living in a house wearing clothes eating food, this waa the payment for labour. You cannot be fully funded by another person then turn round and make out, the working person does nothing. I would tell my son leave, do not be taken for granted

Urm i didnt say anything about the op. Im responding to other people. I think its you that lives in a parellell universe. Women who could afford to not work would not of been a large percentage of society. People like you are the worst . It's you that doesn't recognise the work.Women have done 4 centuries outside of the home.Be cleaning cooking acting as maids.Working in factories?You are incredibly disrespectful of the sacrifices women have made for years. Also never said sahm were uneducated, your creating a fake narratice for no reason, other the to shame a women for giving another women work. Worst type of person.

Before the sixties the term SAHM was subsumed into the term housewife. It was so ubiquitous there was no other word necessary, because a housewife was by default a SAHM so no need to differentiate: You got married, gave up work, set up house, had babies, raised children, kept house and serviced your working husband. At this point I’m thinking you have dipped into this thread from a parallel dimension. Nothing that you claim maps onto human history as we know it. I’m also baffled why you leap to the conclusion that SAHMs are uneducated. OP has a degree!! I was a SAHM for 5 years, I have 4 degrees! It is a truly bizarre assumption, born I suspect from disdain for others who made different choices to you.

Also FYI <a class="break-all" href="https://www.google.com/url?q=www.unwomen.org/en/news/in-focus/csw61/redistribute-unpaid-work%23:~:text%3DUnpaid%2520care%2520and%2520domestic%2520work,fuel%2520is%2520growing%2520even%2520more.&sa=U&sqi=2&ved=2ahUKEwii--HzluSJAxVUW0EAHT_1NWYQFnoECBMQBQ&usg=AOvVaw06BWuyZ6eq1Qm8CxDuTfIk" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">unpaid domestic labour is estimated to contribute up to 39% of GDP - more than manufacturing, transport and commerce. So no, not less valuable to the economy just unpaid and so not valued by you.

As for SAHM and SEN, there may be a correlation but it's not necessarily causation. There isn't a childcare option, parents literally cannot work before they start school unless there is a family member who can provide childcare.

This is the most intelligently dishonest response. I think I've ever read, and no point in the history of our species has women. Fifty per cent of the population worked at home; this never happened. Links to lack of education in mothers and outcomes for children are easily searchable. I was very precise. Of course, it's a modern invention. Where in English history before the 60s was that term used? To that point, it is precisely that period that saw the most significant divorce surge in history; those relationships should not be idealised. Sahm is, by definition, less valuable labour. The problem is you equate parenting to work. It's not; it's parenting. As you point out, paid work is structured and competitive, and you must work hard to get there. A sahm is not facing that, but her partner does and sees both. Urm, if you make life-and-death decisions 24/7, something is wrong. That's exactly what a brain surgeon does. The thingWhaterything possible for a brain surgeon is their ability; the surgery does not support their professional achievements. They are two people in a household working together; her job is not more challenging because you say so.

I absolutely get that he is tired, which is why I leave him to lie in every weekend etc. why I do all the housework and life admin and so on. And I do feel that he should do a bit more around the house and with the children. But it's that my job isn't seen as valuable that gets me the most :( I work hard looking after our children (oh also no we absolutely did not plan 2 so close together, dc3 was a huge surprise and I was very very nervous about attempting to handle 2 so close in age, whereas dp was thrilled).

I am tired. I may not do a physical job but I am absolutely exhausted mentally and emotionally by caring for all 3 children and their needs and running a home. Especially with clingy children, that's really mentally difficult to deal with day in day out. And I feel unsupported in all but finances and I just don't think that's good enough. And it definitely doesn't make me feel loved and appreciated as a mother and partner. I really don't expect a lot, I don't. Just some support and the occasional demonstration of appreciation for the role I play in our lives.

Getting married doesn't need to be expensive! A simple register office wedding is all you need. Right now you are very vulnerable.