to think solo train travel is not a big deal for most adults?

Not just that. I just can't believe some posts in this thread. It's like some posters are living in a fantasy world instead of real life.

@kiraric Yes, sounds like generally unclear communication and very different ideas about what's important!

I would previously have agreed, hence why I focussed on the ‘breaking a social engagement’ facet of the issue in my original replies but from a number of the posts on here, apparently it’s not that unusual at all. I guess it’s all what you are used to.

God I love long train journeys on my own. I'd prefer it tbh.

I have a colleague who is the same though, we were booked on a training session recently and I told him I have a phobia of driving on motorways so will probably take the train and he said that's fine so long as we go together because he's scared he'll get on the wrong one 😂 we're both a bit pathetic I suppose but at least we communicated that clearly with each other.

Your friend is being absolutely ridiculous.

IMHO you were unreasonable. I can understand why your friend’s upset.

If I’d planned to share a 5hr journey (with two changes) with a friend, I wouldn’t pull out at the last moment. And certainly not in such a flippant manner (e.g. ‘see you at the hotel’). I’d make sure I was reliable and get the train we’d planned to travel on. If something happened that made it impossible for me to make it, I’d be hugely apologetic to my friend, and be suggesting a solution, such as me offering to pay the extra for them to change their tickets. As I’m the one who’s being unreliable.

For me, the issue isn’t whether your friend doesn’t like travelling for 5 hours alone (for whatever reason). The issue is you let her down at the last moment and didn’t really seem to think it was a big deal. It’s flaky.

Yes absolutely wild isn't it that some people may look forward to spending time with their friend, and would be simply bananas to assume their friend was also looking forward to it. I wonder if people on here have real life friends sometimes 😂

Yeah I'd probably do the same as you, OP. Of course if I knew a friend had a mental health issue and needed help I would accompany her, but I wouldn't assume another adult woman needed this. I knew one woman who had this kind of disabling anxiety and would accompany her, no problem, but I'd say it's rare.

She was really upset with me, because she didn’t want to do the journey alone. Not just because it wouldn’t be as much fun, but because she was scared to do it alone.

@cansu - from the opening post.

That's really weird. I reguarly travel down to London from Scotland on the train and enjoy the chance to sit and read a book, knit or do some work in peace. My mum - who is 80 - uses the train for long journeys to visit family and loves it because she books far enough in advance to get first class at a decent price.

A grown woman being too afraid to take a train journey by herself is very unusual.

The expectations of some people here that I should be their source of entertainment and support for 5 hours, irrespective of my own needs and wants, are exactly why I would be on a different train!

You're doing the same again. Getting stroppy with anyone who dares to disagree with you.

Your post said that you took long haul flights etc and were fine.

So what?

Can't you try a bit of empathy perhaps?

The OP clearly wasn't aware her friend had 'certain difficulties' which most people would assume you meant a physical disability.

But op has known this friend for 25 years and had no idea she was a nervous traveller. So how can she possibly have been "unkind" to change (NOT cancel) her own journey? It's not "unkind" bloody nora that word is ridiculously over-used now.

But, in for a penny - YOU are unkind to criticise the op like this.

She is not necessarily scared. She thought that you had planned to travel with her because you had! You discussed which train to book and booked it. You then changed it. Its a bit like arranging to go for a coffee at x time and then later on saying I will come but six hours later. You were very thoughtless and rude. It is nothing to do with her capabilities which is how you are choosing to frame this and everything to do with you.

I have no idea I'm not a psychiatrist. I know why I have issues with certain things but everyone will have their own reasons. What I will say and this is to everyone on this thread. You may not have struggles now but you will be amazed at how quick things can change. It starts of with a panic attack that theirs no reason for maybe hormonal maybe stress who knows this is your first panic attack so you think it's a heart attack and end up in a&e your embarrassed because you've just acted like that in public. You push it aside you feel fine and carry on with life and then it happens again so now your wary of where you go just incase it happens again so you stop going to certain places then your world gets smaller and smaller and before you know it you can't leave the house. So no im not shocked or surprised some adults act like this and no I don't think their pathetic or snowflakes. As I understand this can literally happen to anyone at anytime.

I think though that the OP bears some responsibility for not being clearer

It sounds like they discussed and agreed which trains to get together - the friend didn't make that up in her head

It would have been fine if the OP had said up front "would be nice to travel together but I am not sure what trains I will get, I will get an anytime ticket and if I can join you on the train you're booking, I will"

But it doesn't sound like that's how it unfolded. It sounds like she nodded along made arrangements and then said "oh actually see you there" which is quite different

I've used a train on my own 3 times in my life.

1st time the train split at the station before my stop and I didn't realise until the doors had shut I ended up 10 miles away having to get off wait 30 minutes and then get another train back.

2nd time I was the only passenger boarding at a small station and was waiting for the doors to open, didn't realise you needed to press a button so nearly missed the train

3rd time was Manchester to south coast and I'd reserved a seat but the train carriage numbers were wrong due to a fault and I spent the journey worrying that the train would split again and I'd end up miles away from my destination 😂

So yes a friend cancelling last minute would stress me out, but I'd probably drive instead as I don't get lost doing 5 hour drives.

I'm not a nervous traveller and have travelled to Australia, America and Europe on my own but as someone who never uses trains I'm totally out of my comfort zone.

Why are you bringing an hypotetical to the OP's thread?

There was not a plane to catch, and even if it was, the OP's friend is an adult supposedly able to travel alone during a short journey. Life happens, work happens, emergencies happen...and adult people should be independent enough to travel on their own for a few short hours. They are not fucking children.

Honestly! We are asked for an opinion, l give mine and l get shot down in flames. My way is not the only way, nor did l suggest it was. I also went on to add ”unless you are aware that your friend has certain difficulties”.

lt is difficult to make allowances for those who have phobias and confidence issues of which you ate not aware.

I am single so I do travel on my own.

I get cross with a married colleague who is scared of travelling alone and does not know the first thing. I have often said what if (god forbid) your husband dies or cannot travel with you??

I often used to think that when women are on a tube and call ahead to a partner to pick them up. Ok it is nice if the partner does this but what if they split up/something happens to him??

No, they had an arrangement and for whatever reason the OP decided she needed to prioritise her work.

So she let her friend down.

If her work is so unpredictable, she ought to have told her friend in advance that this could happen.

Her friend chose tickets for a train together and couldn't change them.

Totally missing the point.

OP’s question is whether the majority of adults are fine travelling alone, in order for her to work out if it was unreasonable of her to assume that her friend would have no issue.

If the majority are fine, it’s a reasonable assumption to make. That’s all. It’s possible to make a reasonable assumption yet still turn out to be wrong.

She did let her know. That’s why the friend was able to buy the replacement ticket.

Even after OP told her of the change of plan, OP (had she taken pity on her friend) could have gone back to the original train and plan because OP had a completely flexible ticket.

I think you meant “Without asking her permission?”.

How could I support someone I never even met? It’s not as if I made some derisive online comment to her at the time. My pp was just expressing my initial reaction to a woman who felt like that.

I think you should have made it clear at the start that you were buying a flexible ticket, and why, so that she could do the same. It seems like you held back information that was relevant to the shared plans ie that you didn't see it as a commitment more of a loose arrangement. I would have been really pissed off by your offhand attitude. A five hour trip is a long time and if we had agreed to do it together I would have wanted to know that it was in your mind that we might not do it together. If it had been less than an hour trip that's different but I would still have expected some acknowledgment and apology for the change of plan. I think if you had said to her 'I am really sorry but I am going to have to work tomorrow will you be ok going by yourself?' that would have demonstrated that you were still planning it together and taking her into account. But the unilateral nature of how you handled it would really piss me off.