to think solo train travel is not a big deal for most adults?

You weren’t unreasonable to think she would be OK to make the journey on her own. You were really rude to cancel on her at the last minute. If you were my friend, I’d be assuming we weren’t as close as I thought and downgrading you from friend to friendly acquaintance.

I wouldn’t have changed my ticket - spending any time with you would be the last thing I’d want to do at this point.

I’d have thought the same as you about the travel being logistical rather than part of the fun side of the trip. Actually, I’ve found the thread quite useful as it wouldn’t have occurred to me that so many people would be annoyed about the changing plans aspect.

I'm happy to travel alone by car, plane, coach, underground, whatever. But I have a real thing about solo train travel and it makes me nervous. No reason I can explain, it just does. Maybe the friend is the same?

I'm not a nervous person by nature, quite the opposite. The name calling on this thread is unpleasant, everyone has something that makes them nervous.

I'm thinking this too. You said it was work to 'catch up on' so presumably you could have taken it with you? I'd have taken my laptop and said I would have a couple of hours chatting on the train and then get the work done. If I needed WiFi I'd have planned to do it later in the evening in my hotel room.

And that’s fine. But to your friend it wasn’t just a logistical thing. Neither of you are wrong here. I hope things get back on track (excuse the unintended pun.)

You're missing the point. You were incredibly rude to this "friend" !

If it were me I'd be looking forward to a solid 5 hours to catch up with a friend. That's a luxury and a lot of fun! The fact you flippantly cancelled at the last minute and are now posting on MN about how daft she is for wanting to change her ticket.. I mean wow. Very rude indeed.

I'm happy to travel alone but would be mildly pissed off as I'd be looking forward to catching up/ socializing. Nothing to do with fear of traveling and I certainly wouldn't be booking extra tickets.

I have two friends who refuse to drive on a main road and will only go via country roads. I personally think it is ludicrous but I'm a confident driver and I guess they are not. 🤷‍♀️

It's hard to lump all men together for this question. Their vulnerability when travelling is affected to a greater extent by age, health etc. as to whether they'd be able to fend off a theoretical attacker (particular at the 'finding their way in an unfamiliar place' stage of the trip). Women are far more vulnerable in this situation.

I wouldn't have a morbid fear of solo train travel but everyone had their thing. For some people it's spiders, lifts, balloons or even buttons. For some, a last minute change can be a big problem. For me it's finger/toenails that have come off. Your friend might be brilliant with buttons or nails. Live and let live.

Travelling solo on a train isn't a big deal but if you have planned to travel with someone then it is unreasonable to change plans last minute.

I’m not sure why anyone is saying, “I’m not bothered by getting on a train.” It’s not about any of you. The friend is scared. We’re all different. I’m scared of spiders. Everyone on here might love them.

Don’t feel awful though, OP. You didn’t know. Changing your plans was entirely reasonable with the history and info you had.

You were a bit unreasonable not discussing the change first, because you’d arranged the trip together.

that said, you had no way of knowing that a train journey on her own would scare her. I don’t think it would scare most people, but I can see that there could be a significant amount of people that it might scare for one reason or another. I’ve been followed by a weird man on a train - I moved 4 carriages and tucked myself into a busy area and he actually came
looking for me, found me, and told me he’d been looking for me. Creepy fucking weirdo - I was young and very scared and called my boyfriend to meet me at the place I was changing, rather than doing the rest of the journey alone. That said, these days, I’d give a death stare and stand my ground. But as a 21yo, I was really scared.

I don't think you are unreasonable to assume that solo train travel is not a huge issue for most adults, but I do think you were unreasonable to change plans at such short notice without any discussion with your friend. I think if I'd made a commitment to travel a long distance with another person I'd try to stick to the agreement barring emergencies. And if I had to change plans I'd try to give more notice than the day before unless something genuinely completely unexpected had occurred. In your friend's shoes I wouldn't have bought new tickets but I would have been a bit miffed as whilst I'm more than capable of solo travel, in the circumstances you describe I think I'd prefer to travel with a friend. I think she over reacted but you were a bit thoughtless.

Why? Things change. Thats life.

YANBU. Unless there are some sort of learning difficulties or similar, it is ridiculous for any adult to make a fuss about a solo train journey. In fact, most of us love those few hours of peace! Your friend needs to grow up.

I'd have been angry not scared.
We made plans. You broke them. I'd be well pissed off.

I encounter more and more people these days who find it utterly terrifying to do things on their own. Travelling solo by train would not have been unusual when I was a young person, but these days lots of people seem to find lots of things too scary.

Try a thought experiment: imagine OP is a man who had arranged to go somewhere with another man, and then decided to take a later train because of needing to do something at work, and whose friend reacted as OP's friend did. Which way would you vote? Would it be different? If it would be, why?

Travelling solo as an adult isn't a particularly difficult activity for most but you made a plan and changed it without letting her know. She obviously wanted to travel together.

YABU. You arranged to travel with her and then bailed. I would be pissed off event without travel anxiety. I hate trains and would much rather travel with someone for a long journey. You should have talked to her before changing your plans and been prepared to stick to the original plan if your friend wasn't happy to travel alone.

I’m single and find it really odd at all the things that grown women are nervous about doing on their own but then see it as some huge liberation or statement of empowerment if they manage to do something. Things like using public transport, driving a long distance, going on holiday, eating out, going to the cinema, or a concert or art gallery alone.