to think solo train travel is not a big deal for most adults?

Does she use trains a lot? I never used to use them, and when I suddenly needed to use them for working at other offices across the country I realised I actually didn’t even know how it all worked and was anxious about doing it alone.

I’m fine with it now of course, but it’s boring as hell so I would prefer to travel with someone.

You had a firm plan & changed it with little notice. How much later did you arrive at the hotel than the original time?

I think she’s right to be a bit put out as you planned it together but to carry on with the grudge is pathetic.

Are you like that with all your friends? I’d say the majority of people have things they dislike/ fear whether that’s spiders, mice, speaking in public, talking on the phone, travelling alone. Heights etc. surely a friend just understands and helps out rather than stands in judgement?

I've never been on a train alone in my life. I'd be blindsided if someone did this to me. I have a fear of trains but I can cope when with another person and that's when it's a last resort. Maybe she feels the same way?

That’s because you’re single and used it it so water off a ducks back. People in relationships who don’t do things alone can find they are out of their comfort zone

for me using trains the scary thing is falling asleep and waking up after my destination and its oh pickles

Given the state of UK trains at the moment, I get anxious travelling. You never know if you are going to get stranded somewhere, there are frequent cancellations and often problems on the line. I’ve had some tricky journeys over the past few years and it is nicer if there are two of you to share the decision making or if you get stuck somewhere.

I think your friend is a bit pathetic to be honest. An adult woman afraid of a train journey? Unless she's had some traumatic experience on a train in the past she needs to become a bit more self reliant and adventurous.

Completely agree with this. It was a really shitty thing to do, making arrangements and then changing them last minute. Especially with no discussion beforehand. You know that already though dont you. I don't buy the faux surprise that your friend is upset at all.

I don’t think you were unreasonable for thinking she’d be ok with the journey, but she isn’t unreasonable either for being annoyed.
A Lot depends on where the wedding was too. You said you haven’t been to the area before. How did you get to the hotel from the train station? Would she be able to meet other people while waiting for you to arrive, or would she have been on her own? I think it’s normal to not want to be somewhere new by themselves if they had expected company.

Don't know about 'most people' but I think it's fairly normal to be fine with a solo train journey. Your friend has chosen to buy a new ticket though, and that's up to her - not something to feel bad about. Having said that I'd be disappointed that I was no longer doing the 5 hour journey with my friend.

Oh! From the title I thought you meant Trans-Siberian at the very least. How can anyone be so wibbly?

Some people have anxiety some don't I think as you planned to travel together you are unreasonable

I find long train journeys really stressful for some reason. In part I think it’s because I’ve done very few of them but I’ve always felt like a right tit getting anxious about them. I just find the whole thing stressful, it starts with not wanting to miss it as you are on the fast one, then waiting for the platform number to be announced and then of course it’s announced 1min before boarding and you are at the wrong end. Then you have to make sure you don’t sit in the half of the train that is splitting off to go somewhere else, then it’s pot luck if you have someone in your seat. Once I’m on, it’s fine although I get a bit stressed I will fall asleep and end up somewhere else.

That sounds like an exciting life; I envy you!

This. She sounds a bit odd.

Maybe you're one of those flakey people then... To me it wouldn't make any difference if it was a hen do or a drink at the pub, I'd always do what I said I would. But some people are inclined to drop out of things last minute - that's annoying

But 5 hours 1:1 socialising is probably more than you would have at a party with other guests, although maybe not a weekend away if it’s just the two of you. Hence why I’d come up with an excuse not to travel with anyone but a very close friend.

You planned to travel with her on a long journey and let her down the day before because you want to do work instead. Yes that’s crap and is no different to cancelling a meal out etc. clearly she’s not ok travelling the 5 hours and 2 train changes on her own as she’s now hugely out of pocket to not so so.
I don’t mind getting the train alone but have had some pretty awful hassle from men on 2 occasions, there will be a reason she doesn’t want to do it alone

In my mind, it has nothing to do with what the activity is. I actually usually prefer not to travel with someone - give me headphones and a book any day. Five hours enforced proximity / socialising is something I’d only do with someone I was close to. If that person made it clear they were happy to break an arrangement to be in my company for multiple hours at the last minute I’d assume that said something about how they saw our relationship so I’d back off and assume I’d misjudged how close we were.

It's not about the train journey. It's about the fact that you agreed to do something with someone and then bailed. Although if you bought a Flexi ticket you obviously always thought you might change plans so maybe your communication wasn't very clear? Did you tell her you might need to work late and did she know you were getting a flexible ticket? Or did you just assume she wouldn't mind you dropping out last minute?

You made a commitment and then cancelled last minute. That's pretty flakey and I'd be annoyed too. Nothing to do with being scared of trains!

Surely if you agree to do something with a friend you do it, barring a major emergency? 5 hours is a long time.