to think solo train travel is not a big deal for most adults?

I think this thread reflects a pretty depressing trend of NT adults not being able to "adult". How do signs work? You read them or ask a member of station staff or check on the app you booked on. How do you find the platform, ditto. On this one example of public transport I think it's also a reflection now of how kids are chauffered everywhere. I teach secondary and lots of mine don't have a clue how to do it. I drive a lot and will drive in any city or for any distance, but I've deliberately used PT at times to show them how to do it. Outwith a disability or a diagnosis of an actual anxiety disorder I really think getting on a couple of trains or ringing a restaurant or dealing with a slightly complicated procedure should not send an average adult into a tailspin.

I wouldn't be bothered about travelling alone however I would be annoyed if we had planned to go together and then you bailed. 5 hours is a long journey and your friend was probably looking forward to having come company. If if was you and I had no option I would have been extremely apologetic.

Some people just don’t do things like this very often and struggle with finding the right platform at unfamiliar stations and delays etc so find it stressful. I suppose if you drive everywhere normally, you’re not particularly well versed on public transport whereas if you commute into a city for work or similar you tend to use it more often. She was probably thinking you’d have a drink and a chat and enjoy the journey as part of the experience together and is now a bit disappointed.

Of course you’re not being unreasonable, she isn’t a child, I find it very funny people think you require her permission, do those same posters tell their bosses to grant additional leave because a friend demands it?

Hmm, haven't voted cos I think it's a bit of both. I do think you're a touch UR to change plans on your friend without at least profusely apologizing, since you had arranged to travel together.

This. I wouldn’t have expected her to actually find it scary, but you were rude to change your plans without consulting your travelling companion.

Yanbu. This is normal thing for adults to do.

I have no difficulty travelling solo on a train but if l had made a plan with a friend to travel together l would be totally pissed off if she changed plans last minute unless it was an emergency. It totally changes the journey as what was to be a social occasion suddenly, with no thought, now becomes a functional journey just to get from A to B. I wouldn't have bought new tickets and l would have been fine on the journey but l would have remembered not to put myself out too much for you in the future. It was very thoughtless.

I love long train journeys on my own. The only time I get nervous is when I’m travelling across Europe and have to change and that’s just because missing a connection would be awkward.

She needs to grow up.

You’ve been thoughtless. Your thought process was “this wouldn’t bother me” and not thought “I’d better check if this bothers my friend”.

I drove from Cincinnati to Toronto alone in the summer. It was 8-ish hours. It was no problem.

I've never taken a train before, though. I might be nervous about it, but I'd try it.

There has been a huge rise in sexual assaults on women travelling by train over the last few years.
I wouldn’t feel safe as a solo female passenger these days unfortunately.

I'd have no problem travelling alone and do often, I enjoy it. But if I had planned to travel with a friend to a wedding, I'd be thinking we will have a great laugh and maybe a couple of drinks and make a day of it. I wouldn't have cancelled last minute like that. I would have offered to pay half the ticket if a friend had to cancel for me.

I don’t drive so I have to get public transport a lot. This means I travel on trains several times a week so I’m not nervous about it at all. However, I do remember being nervous about using trains when I first started travelling on my own at about 18. I didn’t really understand how the signs worked and how to find the right train. I also had (and still do) a really poor sense of direction and was scared that I would get on the wrong train and wouldn’t be able to find my way home. Like I said I’ve had a lot of practice travelling on trains and no longer feel this way now, but I can absolutely understand why someone who is not used to it might be nervous about it. My mum typically drives everywhere so rarely uses trains and I know she gets nervous about them. We’ve been on train journeys together that I know she wouldn’t have done without me because she doesn’t trust herself to end up in the right place. I don’t think it’s that unusual for an adult to be nervous about something if it’s something that they don’t usually do by themselves.

This, would she not have gone to the wedding if you didn't go?

I was gallivanting off to Scotland on my own at 14, including changes at Birmingham New Street and Glasgow Central (I was picked up at the destination but the journey itself was independant). What grown adult needs a hand hold when travelling by train? Spent my late 20s gallivanting around Europe by train, usually on my own.

Same. I can't believe she forked out for new tickets.

Re: disabilities. I'm a wheelchair user and still go alone. It doesn't mean I can't, all I need is help on and off the train, and I book assistance for that.

She's being absolutely ridiculous. I love solo travel; not having to worry about how the other is feeling or force conversation - same as how I enjoy other activities by myself e.g dining out, going to the theatre, cinema etc. I may be a bit weird but always end up worrying about if others are OK so revel in being alone.

I’ve done loads of solo train journeys over the years. Most have been fine, but I now avoid travelling in the evening after some bad experiences with men trying to talk to me, or being drunk and loud and making racist/sexist comments. It can be intimidating, especially on small trains where you can’t switch carriages so are stuck with these people (no inter connecting doors). Maybe she’s had similar experiences in the past.

My friends and I wouldn't give this a second thought. My response would just have been to wish you good luck getting your work done.

I've travelled in various different places around the world with a variety of friends and even on the other side of the world we've flexibility gone our own ways at different times to allow us each to spend more or less time doing particular things which interest us. So no I don't think you're being unreasonable to not think it a big deal for someone to make a train journey by themselves.

That said I do think when you were discussing train times etc you should have said you were getting a flexible ticket so you could get a different train if necessary so she could do the same thing. The fact is, you've gone to all the effort of discussing train times so she thinks you're planning to travel together then effectively not committed to those plans at all - it's different to something cropping up and you having to change your plans unexpectedly.

There’s a real thing called ‘social anxiety’ that exists. For many people.

It can be easier with two to grab a seat while putting away luggage. Make sure you understand announcements. Make sure both off the train. Don't get a weirdo sitting next to you. Especially helpful if changes

No, YANBU at all. I say this as a woman in my late 40s and still public transport all over the place by myself /restaurants/explore cities by myself.
Some people usually women that I know can be strange about going anywhere by themselves.
So doesn't surprise me.

I would have seen it exactly as you did and wouldn’t have given it a second thought if your plan changed. Especially not if it was about work! It honestly wouldn’t occur to me that any adult woman I know would have an issue with this. And I am definitely not in some kind of privilege bubble where everyone constantly travels.

Some of the replies strike me as bizarre. Especially the idea of the train journey itself — separate from the actual wedding and so on — as some kind of social commitment

do you think friends would know that though? I wouldn't imagine any adult hadn't been on a train alone unless there were other factors involved.

@traintaker i dont think you could have anticipated either her feelings or having to work last minute. I understand why you'd see it as just the journey. I dislike flakey people but this doesn't seem flaky behaviour if work caught you out and you didn't miss anything of the event

in terms of her fears, how would she have managed if you'd been ill and couldn't go?

I travel on trains a lot but i’d be disappointed because I would have been looking forward to sharing the journey with a friend. A lot of adults do worry about travelling alone. I will fly alone too and meet friends at the destination if we don’t live locally. People who find solo travel easy forget some really struggle with it. It’s much more fun to share the journey and catch up with a friend, but I wouldn’t have bought new expensive tickets. She is wrong to be annoyed with you still, given it was her choice to purchase new tickers.