to think solo train travel is not a big deal for most adults?

You were rude to put your work first. Couldn't you have finished it on the train?
If you had a flight booked, presumably you would not have stayed at work and caught a later fliight (talking about a principle here, rather than logistics before anyone jumps), because it's not as easy to be so cavalier with plans when flying.
You had travel booked. You had plans with your friend. You let her down and cost her money.
You were very unreasonable. I would be very disappointed in you if I were the friend. You clearly have other priorities

I would have been relieved - much prefer travelling solo on a train. It’s such a peaceful way to travel.

I would have been the same, OP. I don’t think you were rude.

So you would tell your boss you have to go home early because your friend said so?

You've been friends for 25 years, both going to a wedding that involves a five-hour journey and an overnight stay at an hotel, so it's really a bit of a girls 'weekend' away.

So yes you are being unreasonable by getting a later train at short notice, as if it were just a work conference.

Another one here who thinks you were rude to unilaterally change your plans at short notice without even having the courtesy to let her know. Personally i’d have no problem in principle with travelling alone by train, but I would be miffed at how you’d handled it.

If it was that good a friend, I would have asked if this was okay first. Regardless of whether she is a nervous traveller, 5 hours on the train is pretty dull and it's not unreasonable to prefer to do this with a friend rather than alone.

I don't think it's unreasonable to expect someone to be able to travel alone, but I do think it's really quite rude to unilaterally change plans the day before without checking. A journey that long is inevitably a bit of a social occasion, and for me would be much nicer with company even though I wouldn't need company.

I think what I would have been upset about here is that if I had been doing this, I would really have been looking forward to chatting to my friend and getting some quality time in. I would have been planning to make sure I got my work done, perhaps working late an evening beforehand.

And then your off hand, never mind, see you there, thing would have made me think that you hadn't really been looking forward to it or planning things around it.

Basically I would feel a bit hurt. I wouldn't have changed my tickets because that would have made me feel a bit pathetic.

Wow your nice

I might feel a bit put out if I'd planned to travel with a friend and booked my tickets on that basis and then they changed their plans at the last minute. That was a little inconsiderate of you.

But no, it's not usual for an adult to be scared of travelling by train on their own, and booking new tickets at great expense is just mad.

Having said that even for short journeys I was never a fan of slammer trains, sometimes it was a struggle to reach my arm out the window & I would hope an adult would be getting off too.

I don't know why you are being criticised OP. You had to take a different train because of work, and supposedly your friend is an adult without disabilities and able to make a train journey on her own without a problem, like millions of us do every day.

Don't sweat it if she's off with you. Her issue, her problem. She'll come off her perch eventually.

I'd be really annoyed with you, if you'd planned to travel together. It's part of the fun. But I wouldn't have bothered buying another ticket

Time to look for a new friend. She definitely looks like hard work.

@Strawberrycheesecake7 its weird because I’ve used the train or tube since I was 9 to & from school & flown a fair bit unaccompanied as a child but hours long train journeys to places I’ve never been would make me anxious. Not done one for about 15 yrs though so trains/tech may have improved 😆

I am perfectly happy catching a train on my own. A lot of people are. Some with experience others without. It is fantastic to have that feedom

My husband cannot do it. He just can't. He gets anxiety attacks to the point he collapses and is taken to hospital. However he is quite happy to jump on his bike and bikepack across Europe or the Americas. That level of self supported travel is way out of most people's comfort zone... But he still can't catch a train on his own. Even a short commuter trip let alone several hours with changes.

He is quite happy to catch a plane or bus on his own... Just trains cause a problem.

It is not something that comes up in conversation with friends because he has workarounds so friends are unlikely to know. Your friends behaviour sounds like a workaround... But what you did was book a flexible ticket because you presumably knew that it might be needed but talked about the plans as if they were rock solid. She may have decided to book a flexible ticket if she knew it was a possibility or arranged to drive from the outset instead. You failed to give her all the information up front so she could make an informed decision.

Different people have different quirks. I cannot eat grapes or touch a worm. Weird by most people's standards but no less real to me.

If I were your friend I would have been really upset. I'd have felt like my company wasn't important to you, like we'd arranged to spend 5 hours together and then you just bailed on me nonchalantly. I'm perfectly capable of a 5 hour train journey by myself and would do it but it would also make me a bit anxious and I wouldn't enjoy it. This is because I've been accosted by weirdos on trains in the past. So in her situation I would have also bought new tickets and then feel resentful and hurt and I'd back off from your friendship.

I was totally unreasonable for not checking with her first before changing my travel plans.

Of course you were, you'd both arranged a 5 hour train journey together, it's thoughtless to message the day before saying you're changing trains.

I'd presume she meant she was apprehensive rather than scared as in terrified or phobic of travelling alone. If she drives and it's been a while since she's caught a train along with it being a long journey I don't think that's overly wild.

Do the people commenting on this thread realise how blessed they are to just be able to get on a do things like this like its no big deal. So next time you're questioning disabled people and disability benefits in people you believe are completely fine. Maybe stop and think about how different their lives really are.

Is it the train stations in evening or a dangerous route ?

My mind would immediately go to the person wanting to not be next to me for 5 hours but that’s my own issues. I’d feel a bit rejected and worried it was an excuse.

If it’s really about work, I don’t think it’s a big deal. I don’t think a 5 hour train trip is an issue.

I wondered if deep down she’s hurt and sees it as an excuse. I think she needs reassurance or for you to emphasise the work issue.

I agree about travelling alone.

However I don't think it was ok to change plans you made together at short notice and just spring the travelling alone on her.

The OP has stated specifically that she's known her for 25 years and is NT. My kids are ND and I get the need to take it into account but not every thread has to be about that when the op has stated it's not a factor.

Yanbu
Really odd she changed her ticket
Unless she has a disability of some type I'd find it really strange she needed someone to do the train journey with her so much that she was willing to pay a load more money

Wow alot of mean comments from people projecting their own shit on here. Different strokes for different folks. Its not a big deal to you to travel on your own, but you are also not a mind reader either.

Buy her a box of chocoloates to say sorry for the inconvience and you will know to check next time.

Some shitty replies.

YANBU to change your plans however it's totally understandable that she felt too anxious to make this new, long journey alone.

This is a common trait of autism for example which she could have but just not told you.

You know for next time.