to think solo train travel is not a big deal for most adults?

I really don't understand the 'rude to cancel/change train' concept!

The purpose of the journey is to get from A to B for a specific event which both OP and friend are attending. They are both still able to do that, on different trains.

There's only a problem if you intend to use OP to meet your unspoken needs without OP's knowledge or consent. Which is manipulative, coercive, abusive behaviour.

If all the trains were cancelled, that would be 'rude' - of the train companies.

You were unreasonable for changing plans.

I think your attitude to the whole thing is rather awful. You have communicated very poorly and that must have annoyed your friend the most. It might not have been the train journey as such but arriving in a new town/city by herself and then having to make her way to the hotel on her own.

I went on a spa break with a friend earlier this year. We were coming from different parts of the country and both needed to take two trains to get there, it so happened that I had two choices of places where I could change trains to get to our destination. And one of them was the same as my friend so this meant that for the second half of the journey we could be on the same train. So we both chose accordingly. Unfortunately on the day there was a train strike and her train got delayed. I still continued to the destination but waited in the waiting room there for her to arrive. She came 1.5hrs later. I could have gone to the hotel but I thought it would be better if we went together so I waited. It was a new town for her, I have been there once about 8 years ago. When she arrived she was very pleased I had waited as she was anxious about getting to the hotel on her own. So people can be anxious about all kinds of things. It would have been nice if you showed her some consideration rather than be so selfish.

It was five hours of hangout time!!! Train picnic? Cheeky mini wine? Pre wedding gossip update? Just enjoying your company in a chill way? It's like you've cancelled dinner or something AND left her with a boring five hours of staring out the window/possibly sitting next to a stranger with BO ans TWO train changes. Dick move on your part, sorry.

My response would be totally different if you'd said upfront you might have to work late and advised her to buy a Flexi ticket... But you didnt. If I'd done this to a friend I'd offer to pay for their new ticket TBH (and friends have actually done so for me).

YABU 100%.

Some people find train journeys really bewildering, hence she wanted to travel on the same train as you.

It was really unkind to cancel at the last minute.

I'm thick because I don't agree with you. I think people who can't open their mind to understand that not everyone is the same and that some people struggle with things others don't are actually a bit thick

You're very factual, OP.

I think working on having more empathy in general would be helpful - your responses to people's posts show you're very open to that anyway, so that's great.

Ultimately, you're looking at the wedding event in isolation, whereas your friend is looking at the whole weekend as an experience.

Teaching things like this is part of what I do for work. It's a fascinating and really valuable topic.

I’m fine, thanks. I’ve just learned not to be a doormat for people who think ‘friendship’ goes one way.

Nice attempt to invalidate my feelings, though? I take it you are someone else who thinks a friend expecting you to care about their feelings is somehow weak? Interesting….

Also - you didn’t change out of flaking - it was work!

Hardly you being selfish.

Exactly.
OP it was extremely rude of you to cancel at the last minute. Can you really not see that?

I thought this was going to be about an elderly parent who couldn't travel alone any more! Not a normal functional adult for whom solo train travel should be no big deal.

Not go home early, not stay late due to previous plans. And yes, I would absolutely tell my boss that. My employers are reasonable though. Aren’t yours?

I'm split.

Train travel is absolutely not scary at all, and really easy to do alone!

That being said, I'd have been really pissed off if I thought I was going to have company for the long boring train ride and then you changed last minute.

Then you also wrote which you indicated their isn't. That's the whole point. Don't you get it people don't share their hidden disabilities if you read the full thread you can see why. Wet blankets, pathetic, snowflake etc

YANBU-what an utter snowflake she is!
-And she was also U to buy fixed time tickets originally -I have a friend like this who is penny-pinching with tickets and causes huge inconvenience to other people she is so inflexible about timings.

I think you have been a little unreasonable. You said yourself you were planning to travel together as you’re both single. Then at the last minute you’ve ditched her to get a later train, and rather than discussing rescheduled plans you’ve gone ahead and made your own.

It’s not your fault she didn’t book an anytime ticket, however the fact you did kinda suggests you knew you might need to change your plans last minute. Which has probably compounded her annoyance because she too could’ve booked an anytime if she knew this was a possibility. You obviously positioned your plans as finalised.

I imagine the train journey alone was less appealing than driving alone, but the train together seemed like fun hence it was chosen. I think scared to get the train alone is a bit dramatic but I can quite easily see why your friend is annoyed. I wouldn’t be paying for her new ticket, but I would be reflecting on how you can communicate better with your friend. And probably get the first round of drinks or something.

You can't understand why people changing plans last minute would bother others. Can you honestly not open your mind even slightly to understand why this would be a problem to others.

I love travelling alone ~ just reading your post made me feel claustrophobic and put upon!

This is on her, she's being incredibly presumptious.

Of course it's fine if she's scared of travelling alone.

However, she has to take responsibility for that, explain her needs, and ASK you if you're happy to limit your own flexibility and commit to a specific train in order to be her emotional support person. Or, she has to buy a fully flexible ticket, so she can adapt to stay with whoever she's making her invisible demands of.

Then she has to respect your answer (eg. no, I may have other things I need to work around) and find another way to support herself while getting from A to B.

Instead she feels entitled to expect all that from you, without any communication or respect from her; just a coercive wee tantrum when she doesn't get her way. I bet she never thanks the people she's relied on without them knowing.

I'd be keeping very clear boundaries with this person in future. Starting with an apology from her for her appalling behaviour.

This thread is getting daft. Of course you weren't unreasonable as you needed to get work done so changed which train you were getting. And you did let her know beforehand despite what a previous poster said. The issue was she had bought tickets for specific trains and not flexible ones and that is really on her. She decided to buy more at her own expense which is also on her. Why should it occur to anyone that a grown adult can't get a train by themself? Ignore the MN crowd out to decide that anyone posting AIBU must be!

Yabu! Been travelling up and down the country alone on trains and coaches since I was about 13. Struggle to understand why an adult would have an issue with it.

Can't even see why people are mad you changed plans tbh. Your both going to a wedding and thought you could travel together. You're now needing to go later. The journey wasn't the main plan for the 2 of you, you just happened to be going the same way for the wedding. I would have changed plans same as you.

And it's because of people like you of why adults have to hide their disabilities from others.

Why most people who have struggles/disabilities keep them hidden. Even from people closest to them. I claim pip due to the struggles I have but to many people who know me they would be shocked as from the outside it appears their is nothing wrong with me and it's only when issues arise that it becomes apparent