to think solo train travel is not a big deal for most adults?

So your way is the only way is it?

Jolly good.

I expect you'd take that stance on anyone with a phobia, a MH issue, who lacks confidence, etc etc.

I travel solo by train and plane (long haul) regularly for work do l would not think of anything of it.

So, unless you are aware that your friend has certain difficulties YANBU.

Why are there over a million people not working since Covid because of mental health issues?

There are more MH issues than people realise.

Haha yes that’s exactly want I would want from a train journey with a friend. I took snacks and drinks last time my mum and I went in to London.

I take the train to London for work all the time by myself, totally fine buts its work and not the same as a good catch up and a gossip on the way to a wedding - almost like the weekend had started early.

I do think you’re being a little unreasonable to not see her point at all.

I suppose a question though..and I'm not trying to be dismissive but why do so many adults now find perfectly ordinary things so overwhelmingly difficult? My DD can be quite hesitant about new things and I'm really trying to help her be a bit "braver" and self reliant. I don't want her to be an adult who can't get a train alone, or speak to a stranger in a shop or office, or raise a complaint. I don't want her to miss out on life or spend half of it worrying that X might happen when it probably won't. I do think we now have an astonishingly high level of this. The number of people who won't ask someone on a train to move their bag, let alone themselves if their in the wrong seat for instance. Life can be tricky enough without normal every day things being such a hurdle.

It's fine to make a plan to hang out on the same train together, and to make it a special part of the wedding experience.

However, first you have to ASK the other person if they want to hang out with you in this way, and they have to AGREE that sharing the journey with you on the same train is going to be a special mini event.

Otherwise you are just having a wee tantrum about something you made up in your head.

While the other person is focused on the practical logistics of getting to their destination, and perhaps looking forward to some daydreaming out the window or random chats with interesting strangers along the way.

One thing that sticks out on this thread is how uncompassionate some posters are.

Most people are a bit 'scared' of something where they feel less than comfortable on their own @SherlockHolmess

Just because you're not one of them doesn't mean anyone else is weird.

I have friends, who are on the face of it, outgoing and bubbly, travel all over the world, but who won't drive long distances alone or even drive on a motorway for any distance.

If someone feels uncomfortable on a train that involves a 5 hour trip and a change, we should feel compassionate not start saying WTF is wrong with them.

@GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER

How about feeling a bit of empathy and support, rather than derision?

I don't get the bus alone never mind a train and I don't drive. Husband gets trains and planes alone most weeks.

I never even saw the woman. It was a comment I read online when thinking of doing that particular course.

Your constantly amazed because your lucky that this isn't part of your life. I hope you cherish how blessed you are as poor mental health can hit anyone at anytime nobody is immune to it

Right but that was a big thing for her so instead of being all..oh how odd you could have been great! See what else you can do independently. Her husband might be a controlling arse for all you knew

Wow - @Stravaig - that's an incredible post by you!!!

many, many, many! people consider and enjoy the journey as part of the experience - not because they have 'needs'.

I'm curious about whah happens when you try to see other people's perspectives?

I'm wondering how old you both are.

You say you've known her for 25 years. You could both be 50 or 30.

I think you were in the wrong to change plans without talking to her first.
If your work is such that you have last minute deadlines, you should have warned her of that in advance.
If you were disorganised and just got behind schedule, that's your fault.

I also think there is no right or wrong here.

Some people are anxious about all kinds of things and they are allowed to be.
It doesn't mean they are a lesser person.

In your case here, there were train changes . That can sometimes be tricky if one train is late so the connection doesn't work out. Someone who is anxious about travelling alone could be worried about this.

The fact your friend went to great expense to travel with you shows she has a problem- maybe even bordering on a phobia- and you shouldn't judge her for that. Everyone has their Achilles heel over something.

You let her down, unless your work is so important that you were thrown something at the last minute that you simply had to do (and even then it was your problem to sort out around the current plans.)

I am now all the more convinced that you have recognised yourself in the OP. It’s quite funny that incoherent spluttering and personal insults are the only responses you can manage to the fact that many people think this sort of lack of consideration for a friend is rude.

Just a hint - most normal people would try reasoned argument and an explanation of why they think different. You went straight to personal insults - ‘unhinged’ followed by ‘gormless farting skittle’. I’m starting to wonder if you are the one who isn’t OK. You do realise this level of vitriol is very odd?

It's not the train journey. It's the 5 hours of time you committed to and then you've basically said you can't be arsed to honour that

I’m married, and feel the same about any woman scared to do such things on her own - special circs, excepted, e.g. if she’d previously been assaulted on a train.

One that sticks in my mind was an OU course, many years ago, that had a week’s compulsory residential school. A woman who did it said she was very proud of herself for being so brave, because in over 20 years of marriage, she had never spent even one single night away from her dh. 😱

You don't understand the concept of "making a plan with a friend so the act of getting from A to B is actually some quality time for you to enjoy together" wow I genuinely feel sorry for you...

Absolutely, the fear of solo rail travel is irrelevant here

So I have a few friends who are very anxious about travel but not other aspects of their life. To you it's not a big deal but to her it is; there could be a number of reasons;

1. She wouldn't have bought a fixed ticket if she knew you might change the time
2. This isn't an emergency, if you had booked flights you would I suspect be catching the flight

I’m constantly amazed by how difficult people find normal things in life. I had a friend recently tell me she wouldn’t get a taxi on her own as it would freak her out. I’m talking independent adults with jobs and mortgages and children etc. This sounds like one of those stories.

That being said I would have apologised as I would have thought she might have felt like the journey was part of the event, iyswim.

It would be exactly the same

Take your purse and phone, leave the rest and go not long after you've left a station. If someone does steal something they can't get off the train with it til the next stop by which time you can alert the guard. Ask a nearby person to keep an eye on things ..the vast majority of people are perfectly decent and nice. There's no need to go without a drink. Or you know, take one with you.

Yes this is it. The first part is academic, it doesn't matter if she's done the trans-Siberian solo, or needs a handhold for Thameslink. OP made a plan and cancelled without warning. Rude!

It was a five hour journey including two train changes. (We are both single, for context, hence planning this together). so you planned it together - so you could have each other's company for 5 hours. I think you've been incredibly rude and thoughtless to then go nah sorry you'll have to go on your own. Personally I think you should pay for her new ticket.