Page 9 | Boyfriends kink

Kneebonefuture · 2024-11-09T22:27:53+00:00

So kind of a rude one, so I won't go into specifics. And he's not my boyfriend, he's an old fling who has been a friend for 15 years, and we were kind of thinking of getting together, but no idea how to word that. I've always known he had a slightly kinky side, nothing mad just a little bit more adventurous than me. However he has recently revealed a kink/hobby? That i never knew about, he seemed totally ashamed and called himself a loser, a weirdo and dirty. Its really not my thing, but I don't like to judge, so just said it wasn't anything to be ashamed of and laughed it off. Hes since seemed to take that as a green light that I'm also into it. Constantly referring to it, bringing it up and fitting it into conversations that hold no relevance. And even sending photos. Should I just call things off with him, as it doesn't appear we are a match or just tell him I'm not into it, how would I even word that? Please no nasty comments, I'm a really shy and introverted person and get confused with boundary setting occasionally. Thanks 😊

Original poster

Kneebonefuture · 10/11/2024 10:47

Faffertea · 10/11/2024 10:37

OP I’ve just read your post above mine. The wanting to end his life is classic abuser tactic to shame you/make you feel guilty so you do want he wants. It’s like a toddler having a tantrum to try and get you to do whatever only playing on your socialisation to “be kind.”
People who are actually suicidal don’t use it as a threat or tell people about it. Massive red flag.

Looking at it like this has made me open my eyes and the problem is worse than I originally thought. You're right hes been clever. He was even showering me with compliments when I first "accepted" it. Told me I was the most amazing human and listed all the things he loved about me. Funny how he's never said these things in the last 15 years.

OP posts:

LawyersWig · 10/11/2024 10:46

Kneebonefuture · 10/11/2024 10:45

I was literally responding to the comment about name changing?

Because my post isn't about the kink specifically, I just wanted advice on whether to just back off or call him out. I already know what the majority of people think about the kink and ive no interest in shaming people who are into at length. It's nothing illegal or abusive.

Thanks for your not so helpful comments, I find you quite rude. I won't be reading or responding to anymore of yours.

Show quote history

My pleasure 🤣

Original poster

Kneebonefuture · 10/11/2024 10:45

LawyersWig · 10/11/2024 10:37

Have you heard of name changing? Why start a thread about a kink and not say what it is. And really no-one gives a shit also. 🙄

Show quote history

I was literally responding to the comment about name changing?

Because my post isn't about the kink specifically, I just wanted advice on whether to just back off or call him out. I already know what the majority of people think about the kink and ive no interest in shaming people who are into at length. It's nothing illegal or abusive.

Thanks for your not so helpful comments, I find you quite rude. I won't be reading or responding to anymore of yours.

OP posts:

MumOfOneAllAlone · 10/11/2024 10:45

NotARealWookiie · 10/11/2024 07:08

Yes they do. A group of them even booked out a private party at a soft play in West Sussex and it was in the local papers.

Show quote history

😄😄

295bkq · 10/11/2024 10:43

There is a fine line somewhere between kinky and perverted. He’s way over the line. I would get this ended now.

MumOfOneAllAlone · 10/11/2024 10:43

Garlicpest · 10/11/2024 04:59

Have been idly following this thread in case anyone mentioned the paraphilia enjoyed (well, needed apparently) by an ex-friend of mine. He has an injury fetish. Did anyone else see David Cronenberg's Crash? Beautiful and disturbing film; I thought it was some minority edge fetish until I met this guy. Turns out there's loads of them, both sexes. He's got a room full of prostheses, supports and mobility aids.

Most of them fake injuries and disabilities, but it's wildly exciting for them when someone gets hurt for real. Our mutual friend said he was incredibly helpful when she smashed her leg in a road accident - she knew why he was so interested, but all the same she needed lots of support and he had all the right medical equipment 😳😂

😄😄🤭

LawyersWig · 10/11/2024 10:40

anareen · 10/11/2024 10:39

So nice of you to grace us with your reply 🤣 are you here for the shaming

Show quote history

Lol

LawyersWig · 10/11/2024 10:39

Kinky

anareen · 10/11/2024 10:39

Kneebonefuture · 10/11/2024 10:33

@VickyEadieofThigh nothing to do with being outed. I don't want this being brought up on my other posts.

So I haven't read all the replies but I think people who have said he's manipulative are right. Its funny how quickly he went from being ashamed and wanting to end his life (not sure how serious that comment was) to being completely confident talking about it and almost showing off. I've drafted a text, and waiting for him to message.
Just so people are aware my daughter is off to uni in January, she's not a small child. I'd never put her at any risk.

So nice of you to grace us with your reply 🤣 are you here for the shaming

LawyersWig · 10/11/2024 10:37

Kneebonefuture · 10/11/2024 10:33

@VickyEadieofThigh nothing to do with being outed. I don't want this being brought up on my other posts.

So I haven't read all the replies but I think people who have said he's manipulative are right. Its funny how quickly he went from being ashamed and wanting to end his life (not sure how serious that comment was) to being completely confident talking about it and almost showing off. I've drafted a text, and waiting for him to message.
Just so people are aware my daughter is off to uni in January, she's not a small child. I'd never put her at any risk.

Have you heard of name changing? Why start a thread about a kink and not say what it is. And really no-one gives a shit also. 🙄

Faffertea · 10/11/2024 10:37

OP I’ve just read your post above mine. The wanting to end his life is classic abuser tactic to shame you/make you feel guilty so you do want he wants. It’s like a toddler having a tantrum to try and get you to do whatever only playing on your socialisation to “be kind.”
People who are actually suicidal don’t use it as a threat or tell people about it. Massive red flag.

Faffertea · 10/11/2024 10:34

OP this man knows exactly what he’s doing and he either is so obsessed with his fetish that he has no idea what normal boundaries are given he’s sending you unsolicited pictures of him engaging in his fetish or he knows and is getting off on the thought that he’s making you take part whether you want to or not. Or this is further testing your boundaries to see what you’ll say no to. And all the “oh I’m so weird” nonsense is set up to manipulate you into going “oh no you’re not” so that he can continue to erode through your boundaries.

Don’t apologise to him for him sending you this stuff just because you didn’t immediately condemn it. It’s not normal behaviour in a friendship/new relationship to do that.

You not wanting to be involved in this is completely valid. As valid as his wanting to be is. If you want this to stop you need to tell him.
Hi X
Please stop sending me/talking to me about Y. I’m not into it.

When the inevitable manipulative response is “oh so sorry I’m such an idiot and so weird I should have realised no one would want to be with me for this” you need to NOT apologise but a non committal “well now you know I’m not” and that’s an end to it. If he continues to do the woe is me act then you need to tell him either he moves on from it or the friendship ends.

Alternatively if you just don’t want contact with him any more tell him you don’t want the kink stuff and you think it’s better if you don’t speak anymore then block him.

Original poster

Kneebonefuture · 10/11/2024 10:33

@VickyEadieofThigh nothing to do with being outed. I don't want this being brought up on my other posts.

So I haven't read all the replies but I think people who have said he's manipulative are right. Its funny how quickly he went from being ashamed and wanting to end his life (not sure how serious that comment was) to being completely confident talking about it and almost showing off. I've drafted a text, and waiting for him to message.
Just so people are aware my daughter is off to uni in January, she's not a small child. I'd never put her at any risk.

OP posts:

anareen · 10/11/2024 10:29

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

🤣

Apple06 · 10/11/2024 10:29

It’s cross dressing?

LawyersWig · 10/11/2024 10:28

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

anareen · 10/11/2024 10:27

ChimpanzeeThatMonkeyNews · 10/11/2024 10:25

Nope. And she won't.

It's just tedious that it's soooo embarrassing to say out loud.

But she can conveniently drop hints about dress up and photos.

Literally 🤣

ChimpanzeeThatMonkeyNews · 10/11/2024 10:25

Nope. And she won't.

It's just tedious that it's soooo embarrassing to say out loud.

But she can conveniently drop hints about dress up and photos.

Justleaveitblankthen · 10/11/2024 10:21

Jumped to the end of the thread.
So you still haven't revealed? 🤨

LawyersWig · 10/11/2024 10:18

anareen · 10/11/2024 10:15

OP won't. That was all intentional 🤣

Show quote history

Exactly.

anareen · 10/11/2024 10:15

LawyersWig · 10/11/2024 10:13

Humans are weird. Come on OP, spill the beans.

OP won't. That was all intentional 🤣

LawyersWig · 10/11/2024 10:13

Humans are weird. Come on OP, spill the beans.

healthybychristmas · 10/11/2024 10:07

Why are you actually talking to this man? He's getting off on you being embarrassed. He's getting off on his own humiliation. You are not into the same things. He is pushing boundaries to a massive extent. He doesn't care that you're not interested in his kink. He's going to keep going regardless of what you think.

If I were you I would shut him down and say I wasn't interested in it at all and was not going to take any conversation any further.

What is the point of talking to him? You're not into the same things. He won't be content unless he's doing whatever he's doing. He's not interested in you as a person just as a facilitator for his kink.

LawyersWig · 10/11/2024 10:07

Mysterian · 10/11/2024 09:51

He's says he likes X. You say you don't like X. You're not a good couple.

Why the fuck is this a 12 page thread?

It's the weekend and OP has deliberately left us guessing......get what I'm saying?

TheHangingGardensOfBasildon · 10/11/2024 10:06

Garlicpest · 10/11/2024 04:59

Have been idly following this thread in case anyone mentioned the paraphilia enjoyed (well, needed apparently) by an ex-friend of mine. He has an injury fetish. Did anyone else see David Cronenberg's Crash? Beautiful and disturbing film; I thought it was some minority edge fetish until I met this guy. Turns out there's loads of them, both sexes. He's got a room full of prostheses, supports and mobility aids.

Most of them fake injuries and disabilities, but it's wildly exciting for them when someone gets hurt for real. Our mutual friend said he was incredibly helpful when she smashed her leg in a road accident - she knew why he was so interested, but all the same she needed lots of support and he had all the right medical equipment 😳😂

Wow! I mean, zimmer frames are a wonderful invention for enabling elderly and disabled people to retain some independence and dignity; but I never realised that there were people out there who would see one being used and it causing them to think "Grrrrr, you're looking so hot tonight, Grandma!"