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Original poster

Boyfriends kink

515 replies

Kneebonefuture · 09/11/2024 22:27

So kind of a rude one, so I won't go into specifics. And he's not my boyfriend, he's an old fling who has been a friend for 15 years, and we were kind of thinking of getting together, but no idea how to word that.

I've always known he had a slightly kinky side, nothing mad just a little bit more adventurous than me. However he has recently revealed a kink/hobby? That i never knew about, he seemed totally ashamed and called himself a loser, a weirdo and dirty. Its really not my thing, but I don't like to judge, so just said it wasn't anything to be ashamed of and laughed it off. Hes since seemed to take that as a green light that I'm also into it. Constantly referring to it, bringing it up and fitting it into conversations that hold no relevance. And even sending photos. Should I just call things off with him, as it doesn't appear we are a match or just tell him I'm not into it, how would I even word that? Please no nasty comments, I'm a really shy and introverted person and get confused with boundary setting occasionally. Thanks 😊

OP posts:
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Original poster
Kneebonefuture · 10/11/2024 13:39

Birdseyetrifle · 10/11/2024 13:36

Well done. What’s the kink though? I’m very lost by it all.

Sadly, most have guessed correctly.

OP posts:
TheHangingGardensOfBasildon · 10/11/2024 13:38

pinkyredrose · 10/11/2024 13:13

Does he dress up as a nazi?

Does he have a massive room full of memorabilia in his home that he invites the local Catholic priest to come and visit?

Original poster
Kneebonefuture · 10/11/2024 13:37

Faffertea · 10/11/2024 13:29

I get your point but what I’m referring to here is the “I’m so weird I might as well kill myself.” “I’d rather be dead than live without you” types.

As a professional it’s not about not taking seriously the people who have suicidal thoughts. Of course we should and we should ask and encourage people to talk about it. But many people have suicidal thoughts sadly and not all actually intend to do it. It’s much more worrying to have someone who denies it while storing up pills etc and those who use it as a threat are generally speaking not intending to actually do it (or if they do it is a further behaviour to control and manipulate). It’s complex and not easily discussed in this way but wanted to clarify my thinking!

Show quote history

I agree. I've only know 2 people who committed suicide and neither of them ever told anyone their thoughts. That's not to say people who do talk about it aren't ever going to kill themselves and they aren't to be taken seriously. But I also think using the old " im going to kill myself" empty threat is pretty common in narcissists and a handy tool they have in their back pocket whenever the need arises.

OP posts:
Birdseyetrifle · 10/11/2024 13:36

Well done. What’s the kink though? I’m very lost by it all.

YourRubyLion · 10/11/2024 13:33

Hurrah, well done OP. Him and his fetish are no longer your problem. Enjoy a nice cup if tea.

Faffertea · 10/11/2024 13:29

NotTerfNorCis · 10/11/2024 11:16

People who are actually suicidal don’t use it as a threat or tell people about it.

That always seemed a dangerous argument to me. If someone genuinely has suicidal thoughts, they might be afraid to tell anyone because they think they won't be believed.

I get your point but what I’m referring to here is the “I’m so weird I might as well kill myself.” “I’d rather be dead than live without you” types.

As a professional it’s not about not taking seriously the people who have suicidal thoughts. Of course we should and we should ask and encourage people to talk about it. But many people have suicidal thoughts sadly and not all actually intend to do it. It’s much more worrying to have someone who denies it while storing up pills etc and those who use it as a threat are generally speaking not intending to actually do it (or if they do it is a further behaviour to control and manipulate). It’s complex and not easily discussed in this way but wanted to clarify my thinking!

MumOfOneAllAlone · 10/11/2024 13:29

sausagesforteaagain · 10/11/2024 13:25

@MumOfOneAllAlone that sounds great ! I am a lazy cow but now can say I have a Pillow princess kink’. Sounds much better

😄😄😄 yes, my thinking as well 🤭🤭

Original poster
Kneebonefuture · 10/11/2024 13:27

ThreeTescoBags · 10/11/2024 13:25

Well done for binning and blocking.

Out of curiosity is he one of those that likes to be 'encased' head to toe in tights?

🤣 thats actually made me feel really clostrophobic

OP posts:
LawyersWig · 10/11/2024 13:27

ThreeTescoBags · 10/11/2024 13:25

Well done for binning and blocking.

Out of curiosity is he one of those that likes to be 'encased' head to toe in tights?

🤣🤣

Maybe he's a rubber glove on willy and duster up the bum type?

sausagesforteaagain · 10/11/2024 13:25

@MumOfOneAllAlone that sounds great ! I am a lazy cow but now can say I have a Pillow princess kink’. Sounds much better

ThreeTescoBags · 10/11/2024 13:25

Well done for binning and blocking.

Out of curiosity is he one of those that likes to be 'encased' head to toe in tights?

MumOfOneAllAlone · 10/11/2024 13:21

Kneebonefuture · 10/11/2024 13:19

And I've just blocked him, so he can't have the last word. I'm petty like that.

Well done op. Had to be done

drunk beer fest GIF
LawyersWig · 10/11/2024 13:21

Kneebonefuture · 10/11/2024 13:19

And I've just blocked him, so he can't have the last word. I'm petty like that.

Good. End of thread then. Byyyeeeee

Good Bye GIF
cakewench · 10/11/2024 13:21

Kneebonefuture · 10/11/2024 13:18

I've sent this.

Tbh I'm not sure where the confusion has come from, fair enough I said there was nothing to be ashamed of and there wouldn't be any judgement from me, but knowing me you'd already know that, you know I'm not kinky, you know I'm very shy, why on earth would you keep pushing and pushing on this topic? Unless you just don't care about my comfort levels. I'm beginning to think it isn't something you're ashamed of, if it was you've done a very quick 180. I don't see how we can remain friends and have normal conversations again since I'm always going to be on edge and I don't deserve that.

Wow OP this is the perfect response! Well done for sending it. Seriously. You can relax now without worrying about the next missive😊

LawyersWig · 10/11/2024 13:19

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
Kneebonefuture · 10/11/2024 13:19

And I've just blocked him, so he can't have the last word. I'm petty like that.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kneebonefuture · 10/11/2024 13:18

I've sent this.

Tbh I'm not sure where the confusion has come from, fair enough I said there was nothing to be ashamed of and there wouldn't be any judgement from me, but knowing me you'd already know that, you know I'm not kinky, you know I'm very shy, why on earth would you keep pushing and pushing on this topic? Unless you just don't care about my comfort levels. I'm beginning to think it isn't something you're ashamed of, if it was you've done a very quick 180. I don't see how we can remain friends and have normal conversations again since I'm always going to be on edge and I don't deserve that.

OP posts:
LawyersWig · 10/11/2024 13:18

pinkyredrose · 10/11/2024 13:13

Does he dress up as a nazi?

🤣🤣🤣

Bugger. There's no GIF for Nazi's.

Fight Dance GIF by tv2norge
pinkyredrose · 10/11/2024 13:13

Does he dress up as a nazi?

Original poster
Kneebonefuture · 10/11/2024 13:10

canyouletthedogoutplease · 10/11/2024 13:06

Hello Derek

I think that due to your inability to read the room let alone gain explicit and ennthusiastic consent to involve me in your fetish for xxxxx I've realised that our friendship is not something I want to continue, let along progress further. I wish you all the best with your mission,

Many thanks, Kneebonefuture

Thank you. Great suggestion and straight to the point. The lack of reading the room is hitting the nail on the head.

OP posts:
YourRubyLion · 10/11/2024 13:09

Omg op just tell the fucker to piss off.

LawyersWig · 10/11/2024 13:08

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

canyouletthedogoutplease · 10/11/2024 13:06

Hello Derek

I think that due to your inability to read the room let alone gain explicit and ennthusiastic consent to involve me in your fetish for xxxxx I've realised that our friendship is not something I want to continue, let along progress further. I wish you all the best with your mission,

Many thanks, Kneebonefuture

Original poster
Kneebonefuture · 10/11/2024 13:03

I haven't said I was repulsed by any photos. I simply don't want to be a part of it ans he seems to think its ok to make me a part of it and the pushing on boundaries is giving me the ick.

After the message earlier I said are you trying to include me in this? And he said do you want to be included a little? Which really pissed me off again because why is he doing it when he doesn't already know the answer to that question. Surely you get the answer and then go from there, not skip that step. Hes really gone down in my estimations. Hes never been pushy or forward before so this has come out of nowhere.

Rethinking how to word this next message as I dont just want to say thanks but no thanks I want to tell him hes a creep and not a good friend and I don't appreciate him trying to take advantage of my kind nature.

OP posts:
canyouletthedogoutplease · 10/11/2024 13:02

He's not your friend. He's a manipulator that's scouting for somone to indulge his fetish, and it's fine to be clear and say it's not going to be you. You've hinted you're not interested, he's pushed it, it's time to be very clear that you don't want to hear anything more about it, to be honest I wouldn't want to salvage a friendship with this person, never mind pursue anything further, so I think telling him you're no longer interested in him on any level would be appropriate and he can be on his way to try a few more doors hoping someone will take him in.

He's not interested in you in any other capacity than an accessory to his kink.