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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Boyfriends kink

515 replies

Kneebonefuture · 09/11/2024 22:27

So kind of a rude one, so I won't go into specifics. And he's not my boyfriend, he's an old fling who has been a friend for 15 years, and we were kind of thinking of getting together, but no idea how to word that.

I've always known he had a slightly kinky side, nothing mad just a little bit more adventurous than me. However he has recently revealed a kink/hobby? That i never knew about, he seemed totally ashamed and called himself a loser, a weirdo and dirty. Its really not my thing, but I don't like to judge, so just said it wasn't anything to be ashamed of and laughed it off. Hes since seemed to take that as a green light that I'm also into it. Constantly referring to it, bringing it up and fitting it into conversations that hold no relevance. And even sending photos. Should I just call things off with him, as it doesn't appear we are a match or just tell him I'm not into it, how would I even word that? Please no nasty comments, I'm a really shy and introverted person and get confused with boundary setting occasionally. Thanks 😊

OP posts:
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6
Newsenmum · 10/11/2024 20:59

Spud90 · 10/11/2024 20:36

It's using diapers and pretending to be a baby right?

If it’s this then this is on the edge of abuse as it is…

Spud90 · 10/11/2024 20:36

Kneebonefuture · 10/11/2024 00:29

I'm far too deep into this thread now to say what it is, from fear of being guilty by association.

It's using diapers and pretending to be a baby right?

SaffronMilkCap · 10/11/2024 20:29

@Kneebonefuture why are you stubbornly refusing to say?

Tease GIF by Shark Week
NotTerfNorCis · 10/11/2024 20:25

I think the OP said it wasn't AGP.

My money is on 'adult baby'.

ShirleySpenther · 10/11/2024 20:14

CustardySergeant · 10/11/2024 20:11

Autogynephilia.

Is that sticking your piece up an exhaust?

CustardySergeant · 10/11/2024 20:11

Newsenmum · 10/11/2024 20:07

What’s that? Too scared to google.

Autogynephilia.

Newsenmum · 10/11/2024 20:07

teeteringontheborderline · 10/11/2024 20:06

I'd presume AGP?

What’s that? Too scared to google.

teeteringontheborderline · 10/11/2024 20:06

Newsenmum · 10/11/2024 19:59

You said most people guessed the role play correctly. Please tell us 😂

I'd presume AGP?

Jack80 · 10/11/2024 19:59

Explain if he keeps mentioning it there won't be an us.

Newsenmum · 10/11/2024 19:59

You said most people guessed the role play correctly. Please tell us 😂

Namechangey23 · 10/11/2024 19:54

middler · 10/11/2024 19:48

Is it ....through a hole in the flag, in a Vance wig on him, you as Trump in a white puritan little house on the prairie nightie with a michael landon look alike in a MAGA hat directing it all , maybe just with fingers finger pumping...on november 5th.Was it a one off request for that day? With Hillbilly Elegy on the bedside table, bookmarked at the end....I would be out still...

Haha love it. @middler Stormy Daniels should have been paid compensation for the PTSD, never mind hush money!

StaunchMomma · 10/11/2024 19:53

MumOfOneAllAlone · 10/11/2024 13:41

Omg dressing up as a baby???

Miss Marple vibes

We Did It Ghosts GIF by CBS
Newsenmum · 10/11/2024 19:52

Is it being peed on??? It is isn’t it!

Newsenmum · 10/11/2024 19:51

The concerning thing is you’re already worried about telling him that you’re not into it. What else are you going to end up doing because you’re worried about ‘upsetting’ him? Just say ah cool not sure that’s for me, but still happy for xyz

middler · 10/11/2024 19:48

Is it ....through a hole in the flag, in a Vance wig on him, you as Trump in a white puritan little house on the prairie nightie with a michael landon look alike in a MAGA hat directing it all , maybe just with fingers finger pumping...on november 5th.Was it a one off request for that day? With Hillbilly Elegy on the bedside table, bookmarked at the end....I would be out still...

Happy Donald Trump GIF by Team Trump
Elizabeth7120 · 10/11/2024 19:41

The thing about kink - you are totally right. No need to shame anyone, as long as nobody is getting hurt and everyone is consenting - but you do absolutely need to be honest about what you are and aren't into. This may feel awkward if you are more on the shy side - but just as you didn't shame him - don't shame yourself for being able to clearly state what you are or aren't into.

VIPeaness · 10/11/2024 19:31

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

YourWinter · 10/11/2024 19:27

I’ve been persuaded to try a few of my ex-husband’s ideas but it was the greatest delight and relief to eventually have four blissful years sleeping with someone who really loved “vanilla” sex, in missionary position, as much as I did. Happily celibate now but in my 60s, I would never again entertain anything else.

Each to their own, but I find kinks a complete turn-off. Don’t ever let anyone make you feel you ought to share their weird desires.

Ocsober · 10/11/2024 19:26

OP must be loving this, absolutely nothing they could say would be outing but they’re having such fun stringing everyone along for the most boring post in mn history 😂

It’s a cock cage, has to be. It’s been mentioned a few times, and OP said a lot of people had guessed correctly.

I made the mistake of googling it and now need to wash my eyes and burn my phone.

80smonster · 10/11/2024 19:21

Urgh. Set him free to find a like-minded kinkster.

Namechangey23 · 10/11/2024 19:20

User54614664 · 10/11/2024 09:53

It seems closely related to the DDLG relationships (the female pretending to be age regressed) and it's supposedly more about wanting to be taken care of and not having to make decisions or have the responsibility of an adult. It's a role play thing where people regress back to an age were they have all their needs met unconditionally.

It's very frequently connected to childhood trauma and abuse. Most people into age play are attempting to reenact a childhood they never got to experience. Obviously still doesn't excuse the fact it's a fairly odd kink and doesn't preclude the fact that some people take it to a more sinister level.

I'm sorry but if you want to regress to your childhood due to trauma that's one thing (and means therapy is surely needed!)...but if you want to sexualise and get off on being a toddler, ew that's just wrong on so many levels, it's not normal! It could surely only be men that do this abhorrent behaviour? And let's be honest, 9 times out of 10 it's men who are paedophiles. What on earth goes wrong with these men? Porn addiction?! Mental health problem? Surely 99 percent of fetishes are just about humiliation? How many different ways can you humiliate a person? Why is humiliation apparently such a powerful sexual pull (doesn't do it for me at all, am I abnormal?!). Anyone ever think romance and making love is dead now, women have to pander to random and increasingly sinister sex kinks nowadays? Choking anyone? Call me boring old vanilla... but sheesh...I'd rather have someone tell me they love me and give me a massage and have boring old missionary sex with someone I fancy than pretend to enjoy peeling off a pooey nappy from a middle age mans hairy arse crack. Gross. Meanwhile -OP ditch the loser, he's already even told you he's a loser! Have the sex and fun you deserve with someone who doesn't manipulate you and try to push your boundaries to make you feel uncomfortable. Decent people who truly like you don't do that. You should feel safe as a minimum. If you won't ditch them for you, ditch them for the safety of your child.

SoMuchBadAdvice · 10/11/2024 19:18

I'm late to the party, but then reading through the thread after the action gives one a different view. Most of your responses are just interested in the kink. The answer to your problem is pretty simple and obvious - he is into something that you find ick - why are you wasting time with him (and why is he wasting time with you?). Both of you need to spend your time with someone who likes what you like.

samanthablues · 10/11/2024 18:54

Why is this friend (who you have no sexual relationship with) sharing his sexual kinks with you?

creepy.

DisabledDemon · 10/11/2024 18:53

It’s not trombonist, is it? Ick.

Quintette · 10/11/2024 18:26

'Friend' sounds a bit formal non?

:)