I am currently engaging in mediation with my ex.
I attended my MIAM 5 weeks ago, my ex last week.
The first joint session will be within the next 2 weeks.
The issue we cannot agree on are child arrangements.
I have our child 3 days a week minimum, every weekend friday until monday.
My ex has never been interested in weekends but now she is.
Thats where we disagree.
I understand i have him more than most dads have their child, and i know i am lucky in that sense.
I agree with her reasoning, that he would like to spend time with her and his siblings on days other than school nights, completely understandable and in theory perfectly acceptable however i have concerns that make things difficult.
My ex and her new partner are taking cocaine regularly.
I do not know exactly to what extent but it is a problem.
I have raised this previously to social services, provided evidence for this and my ex up until now has been happy not to have weekends at all because it is easier for her to engage in these activities without a 3 year old present.
I have informed her that i will be asking for drug testing in mediation before i can commit to child arrangements.
I understand this is voluntary but i have offered to pay for it so that we can discuss arrangements that are in the best interest of our child.
She has told me she will refuse to take a test.
I have made it clear that i can accept recreational use because i cannot prove that she is taking it around our child.. dependency however i cannot.
Still a categorical no.
It may seem strange that she cares for our child throughout the week but yet i refuse weekends, but that is because there is only so much i can do.
Social services have not tested her or her partner. They just advise she does not take drugs to an extent that she cannot care for her children. Unless he is directly affected there is nothing i can do.
I have to accept this. My issue then becomes preventing him from being around it as much as possible, which i believe to be weekends, where it is most likely she will be taking it in larger quantities, drinking and being with others that are doing the same. Especially when she hasnt got commitments such as taking her children to school the next day.
This is causing major friction between us.
She has begun posting pictures of her and our child with her new partner, not natural pictures but selfies.
She isnt just posting these pictures on her page but they are her profile photos.
She has 2 other children. Neither of their fathers have ever been involved in their lives, i actually raised them.
He has 3 children of his own. He has full custody because his wife has her own issues.
No photos are ever posted like this of any of the other children, only mine, the only co-parent actively involved in their childs life.
This is really annoying to me. Its bad enough that the only child i have has a mother that became a drug addict, but to have an affair with another drug addict and introduce him into our childs life and then to be publicly flaunting it.. clearly due to the fact that im the only fit parent in any of their childrens lives therefore the only one raising these concerns.. i personally find it dispicable, completely unneccessary and her way of using our child to get back at me.
We will probably not agree in mediation and it will end up going to court.
This will only cause more conflict i imagine.
Should i just ignore the fact she is doing this or am i right to raise this with her?
Not that she will listen, there is a purpose to it and it is working.
I know alot of you will have experienced something similar and is this just something we all have to accept and does it get easier as time goes on?
the question is am i being unreasonable for thinking about asking her why she is doing this and for her to have some decency and refrain from posing for selfies and setting them as her profile photo at least.
Can i at least have a discussion about how she uses these photos?