...to think that women should be able to warn other women....

I'm sure the coroner was given the full facts of the case and knows a lot more than people on mumsnet reading a newspaper article.

The report and criticism refers to the culture at this specific university, I don't think anyone is blaming her (although to note she didn't warn other women, she spoke to a man and didn't wish to formally report it). A culture which purposefully and systematically ostracises people in an oddly methodical manner in the way described isn't healthy, it isn't just about someone's mates choosing to be friends with someone anymore or not. You seem very keen though to jump on this young man's suicide to push your agenda. The university also has a duty of care.

You understand people have thoughts and fears right? It's not necessary to say oh this was definitely going to happen when you're talking about suicide, it's what the person thought, felt and feared.

How do you think most people react to an an allegation of some kind of sexual misconduct even if they don't know the facts? they jump, as most people have on this thread to thinking the worst.

So say you were 20 and accused of that. But the person accusing you hasn't actually reported it to anyone formally and doesn't intend to so you're not going to be formally accused, have a chance to defend yourself or a fair hearing but in the 3 days since it allegedly happened, numerous people have been told about it, one person has had a 'physical altercation' with you because of it, the rumour mill is in overdrive and you avoid going to brunch on the Sunday but your friends organise a meeting with you to tell you they think you've done something terrible in a sexual way and that they want space from you and might check in with you in the future but with no timeline given and as you're at Uni, you know this has already spread all around campus where you study and also likely where you live and there's been a collective pile-on.

How would you feel about going into a lecture on the Monday morning? Would you think it was fine or would you think you were facing everything I outlined in my PP.

Because that was what Alexander was facing. It doesn't mean it would definitely happen anymore than someone committing suicide because of extreme debt was definitely going to experience all the things they thought they would.

It’s heartbreaking. There is nothing noble in taking a stance on a situation that you only know about through hearsay. If you weren’t there, you don't know exactly what happened or how much each person along the way has embellished the ‘facts’. Or whether any of those people have an agenda. It’s mob mentality and it’s so dangerous.

I suspect the judge has referred to it as ‘cancel culture’ in the hope it gains the attention of young people and prompts them to think of Alexander and his family and the consequences of acting on second hand information before deciding to do what they are inclined to believe is ‘morally right’. It is better to do nothing at all than it is to take such a hard and cruel stance on something that reaches you through hearsay.

Having been through the heartache and trauma of a young student taking their own life this year, I wouldn't wish this on anyone. It wasn't my child, but my friend's child. Nothing is worth that. The pain that radiates out and will never go is crippling

But is that cancel culture, or is it just young people being a bit priggish?

I'm not sure it's either of those things. When authorities can't be relied upon to do the right thing in allegations of something "unintentional but unforgivable" then it naturally follows that people will take justice into their own hands.

In this case, shunning, which is completely legal.

Perhaps the coroner might like to lay responsibility at the feet of a justice system that can't be trusted, rather than at the feet of young people trying to protect themselves and each other as best they can, rightly or wrongly.

It's not cancel culture as it's not about unpopular ideas. I believe that he was socially ostracised, which is a horribly painful experience for most. We don't know what happened and it's a very sensitive issue seeing that several young people and their families must be going through hell.

I feel sorry for the woman who will be blamed for his suicide, which could drive her suicidal and destroy her life on top of having to come to terms with what sounds like sexual trauma.

I am impressed that people told him he did wrong and stood up for the woman. There must have been additional issues maybe near diversity (It's oxbridge) we don't know about that have led to such a drastic action so quickly.

Ostracising people is cruel it's a very sad story all around. I hope the young woman involved can find happiness and peace in life, very tough.

Just a reminder, think twice before you snub and ostracise people, it's torture.

And just using this example. Is not wanting to be friends with a racist “cancel culture”? Or is simply quite rightly no longer tolerated to have such attitudes?

I understand everyone makes mistakes, truly. Young people say and do things they wish they hadn’t, but the world has changed. If there was a pile on like here and someone is ostracised, are those that cancelled the person to blame?

(rhetorical comments not aimed at you specifically)

Hmm.

I'm not going to comment on this situation because i don't know enough about it.

However teens ostracising other teens for their behaviour is absolutely a thing.

For example one teen I taught got into a row with another teen and shouted a very unpleasant racial slur. There were plenty of people around (it was break time) and everyone heard.

Nobody wanted to be friends with her and only a very few people stuck by her. She was seen as racist (which she was...).

It's very difficult from a school/college point of view because you cannot force people to be friends.

My ex constantly threatened to kill himself. He did OD a couple of times and once slashed his wrists.
He also bit a chunk out of my face. Stabbed me with a blunt kitchen knife. Raped me repeatedly. Strangled me until I blacked out several times.

He never got arrested or faced any real consequences for any of this.

Some people don't believe me when I talk about it because he seems like a very mild mannered man when he's sober.

I guess if he had succeeded in killing himself many people would go round talking about 'the lies I'd spread and how it effected him'

I don't know what happened here but trying to blame women for trying to protect themselves is disgusting.
This lad may or may not have done what he's accused of. But his suicide isn't due to women talking to much, or people getting too serious about accusations of sexual assault.
Perhaps if the police actually took things seriously and did something people wouldn't have to get all "cancel culture" about it. As it stands tho what else are we supposed to do? Just keep quiet about things thar happen to us.. not believe other women when they warn us.. on the off chance a man may hurt themselves about it?
No thanks. I'm not putting jy own life at risk or the lives of any women and girls at risk. If I hear a rumour about a man I believe it to be true until proven to me otherwise. I'm not taking risks ever again. I did not listen to rumours about my ex when I should have.

And he is still out there walking round like nothing happened. People are still friends with him etc...

It's a tragedy fir this lad and his family but blaming women isn't the way forward.

It is up to women and men to actually read posts on a thread and read more than one article and read it properly though.

Which you haven't done. Nor did the OP which is why you've based your reply or her incorrect assumption that this was a case of a woman warning other women of men and being shamed for it.

When that's not what happened at all.

Yes but you are all clawing over the details of a young man’s (barely out of childhood) suicide.

it’s unspeakably tragic and I think you should all have a bit more compassion.

Someone else that hasn't read the article, the other posts or any other information about the case.

Well done.

Surely the even bigger issue here is that a newspaper has hijacked a suicide in order to stoke a culture war and invite speculation as to whether sexual misconduct occurred, for rage bait clicks. The media in this country are shameless

And with respect that is you. Not everyone behaves the same.

I found this reporting really problematic. The coroner does not ascribe this death to 'cancel culture'. And I would 100% want women to be able to warn each other off men who violated their boundaries. Unintentional is very vague but inexcusable is a very strong word. It makes me wonder what he actually did.

It's a very sad case and devastating for the young man and his family but poor reporting of a complex case can be really harmful. It's not up to young women to carry the shame of men's 'inexcusable' actions.

YANBU, I suspect gossip keeps more women safe than the courts.

This isn't cancel culture. I reserve the right to stop talking to a friend I believe has committed sexual assault. Or indeed for any reason at all.

It's desperately sad for his family but that doesn't mean there's anyone to blame either.

Thankyou for clarifying. I agree.

I also agree with a PP who said it was misogyny in itself that a bunch of testosterone-driven men took it on themselves to perform rough justice on another young male based on things they'd heard so they could be seen to be morally right or 'protectors'.

I don't believe it's as simple as that hence the coroner's comments. I don't believe the coroner is commenting on a handful of friends taking umbrage at someone who upset their friend.

Again, the investigation found that a bullying culture was prevalent within the student body where students are ostracised for perceived infractions.

We don't know what this man did, we just know that his behaviour made someone uncomfortable.

We do know that for some time, students have been cancelling people with views they don't agree with and that pile ons are common on social media. It appears it's also common amongst classmates which partly led to someone's death.

The investigator said:

It was shocking to hear that students were treating each other in this way, but I was not surprised by this pattern of behaviour.

The investigator wasn't shocked that friends were supporting a friend who was upset. They were referring to a pervasive pattern of behaviour which is shocking.

Well he’s dead now so it’s quite extreme what the consequence was.
Although most people don’t kill themselves over an accusation like this. Even the majority of people on trial for heinous crimes don’t kill themselves or even attempt it. It may be that he already had suicidal thoughts and this tipped him over the edge. It said he had run a marathon to raise money for a suicide charity in the past so maybe he had MH issues already.

Exactly. It’s very dangerous. It smacks of the “it’s better to keep quiet than ruin a promising young mans life” culture so prevalent in US colleges.

It’s impossible to say without knowing what he apparently unintentionally did. But if I had had an encounter that left me feeling violated I think going to my ex and various other male friends would be the last thing I’d do. I’d tell a female friend and wouldn’t want it being spread around.