My Partner Does not Remeber Childhood

I have very big gaps in my childhood memory, it's for the best, the ones I do have aren't something I'd wish on anyone.

I've been with my husband a lot longer than 6 years, and he'd never pressure me over it.

Like pp I have virtually no memories of my childhood. My sister can remember absolutely everything from being about 18 months old. No trauma.. Normal childhood really.

Does he have any friends, cousins, other family members? Getting together with them might start to unblock his memory. It's an increasing problem; when families grew up and stayed in the same area, they used to constantly talk together about their history and memories. Comparing memories led to shared and enhanced memories. They are important, because they shape who we are and strengthen bonds. Does he get anxious or annoyed when you ask him about his past? Hypnotherapy may help him if he's willing to give it a go.

My mind unfortunately went straight to childhood SA , hopefully this isn't the case but it's a definite real possibility.
You say "he says he had a good childhood" because that's what everyone's supposed to say, if you can't remember but it's supposed to be a certain way you just fill in the blanks and say ah yes that was it.
The problem is with trauma response, you physically cannot make yourself remember (without help) because your system is blocking those memories completely from your mind.

I do hope this is not the case and it's a simple case of bad memory ect , I do understand it must be frustrating for you to feel like you don't know much about your partner but maybe give it more time and exploration, I'd avoid trying to force the issue incase it is a situation like the above and you lock a whole load of memories and feelings that you aren't equipped to deal with.

Take Care xx

This isn't that uncommon, quite a few people have very limited memories of their childhood.

I know someone who almost never talks about anything past even if he is reminded, he'll just shrug his shoulders. It's not that he forgot he tells me, it's just no longer important now it isn't happening. You couldn't get it out of him with an oyster knife.

My childhood was horrific. I remember some of the horrors but very little else, which I think is deliberate. My brain stepped in to block a lot out.

I very much doubt that he did have a happy childhood.

I have very few memories of my childhood and my teenaged years are patchy. There are even bits as an adult that I can’t really recall. My granny died when I was 7. She was living with us for several years before she died yet I have no memory of her at all. I didn’t even realise this was strange until my younger sister (by 2.5 years) told me she remembered her well. My ddad died when I was 21. I can recall certain events or conversations we had but very few. I can’t picture him in my head at all. When I try I see him as he is in photos I have but not in real life. I was a real daddy’s girl and had a happy childhood. I have also made 5 return flights to various countries and yet I can recall hardly anything about the airports, boarding, being on the plane or landing.

I only discovered a few years ago that this is actually a “thing”. A couple on the adoption board were not being approved to adopt as the husband couldn’t recall a lot of things from his childhood and it was thought that he had suffered abuse and they wanted him to have therapy despite his insistence he had a very happy childhood. Other people posted saying that they had similar.

How does he know it was happy if he can’t remember anything about it? I don’t have a lot of recollection of when I was very young, really. My childhood memories are patchy, but I remember significant events, just not always the order in which they occurred. I think that’s normal? But to have no memories at all, he probably had significant trauma and is telling himself it was happy. It happens.

He’s pulling the wool over your eyes of course he has memories! He’s just not fully committed and not sharing anything with you. I’d beware if I was you

I don't remember much from my childhood and don't recall any abuse. It really bothers me sometimes but then I am becoming quite forgetful as an adult so guessing having a good memory is not my thing .

I forgot to mention dissociation - in certain situations (and I'm still trying to figure out exactly what those are and are not) I dissociate and something happens to my memory which means I don't remember them after - I can't actually nearly feel my brain clouding over...it is incredibly frustrating and definitely linked to stressful situations of some sort.

I remember very little of my childhood to the point I thought I went to one school when I didn't
Nothing from before age 11 really except for odd bits. Don't remember any of my teachers or stuff like that

I don't remember my childhood - always thought I had a great one. Very luckily I ended up in therapy but took a long time to realise why I was really there. Not having access to the memories is potentially a protection from something - and likely not within his conscious control. Look up complex ptsd. May not apply to him but I'll tell you a little more in case it helps...

Some of my other symptoms include hypervigilance, over explaining, never feeling like I matter, binge eating, triggered in unexpected ways, depression and anxiety. I never really realised most of these things (weren't normal) - they were just my normal. I was really starting to struggle more with the food and low mood when I eventually sought help.

If it is something like that for him - I think he does need to find a way to recognise it in himself which is very difficult to do when your brain and body is working so hard to protect you from it (but really (as an adult) doing more damage than good now).

I hope he can find a way to get help.

My sister has no memory prior to being around 10. I remember everything including a photo of me being at 6 months old. We both had the same childhood- v happy and secure- same mum and dad who were together throughout and in a happy marriage until dad died in our 20's. Weird I know more about her childhood than she did! Loads of photos I remember - going abroad on holiday to Spain aged 5 & 6 and we both learned to swim. No recollection from her at all- seems weird to me with all my memories - we are lucky as had a great childhood and have continued this into middle age. Oh and she does remember from her teens onwards - just the early years.

A traumatic childhood wouldn't really explain why he didn't even mention his photos from the recent event, though, would it?

Sounds like, whatever diagnoses you may choose to apply, you are married to a secretive very private person. You might be able to get him to loosen up a little but, ime, such individuals will always keep their experiences strictly compartmentalised.

Sounds like Memento. I don't think he can't remember, I think he CBA to tell you anything about himself.

I’m an oddity in that I have compartmentalise my life and don’t really remember things in different sections and I wouldn’t talk about meeting a celebrity for example as it’s just not in my nature. I didn’t have an abusive childhood I’ve just moved onto the next phase of my life.

Maybe you just need accept him for who is and not look for problems? By trying to drag something out of him you may do more harm.

I have a lot of childhood trauma. (Not sexual abuse) but 3 dad's over the course of 12 years. Last one was the worst and mentally and physically abusive.

I only realised about a year ago that I had blocked about 90% of my childhood out! It's sad as I seem to be forgetting the good times too. I'm only 32 so it's not an age problem!