My Partner Does not Remeber Childhood

This is really common in children who have suffered trauma

So you think people with new identities never have their photos taken? 😂

If you have your photo taken with "really key people", you can't be concerned about being recognised.

You do realise that If you have a new identity for whatever reason,
You still do things and go to work and have a life
(I didnt say he was ‘on the run’ )

I think some adults feel "glad to be grown up", and don't like to think about childhood; not necessarily because of trauma, but it's a part of their life that has been and gone.

I agree with this. I did have a pretty crap childhood, but I don't feel it was traumatic in that although my mother didn't like me at all, I knew that my dad and grandparents loved me so know I spent most of my time with them. I remember not really being interested in what was going on with other children because they were different to me. I was definitely abused and that has affected me profoundly, but I think that a lot of it with me is that I just wanted to grow up and be an adult and leave childhood and children behind me.

This is unusual behaviour but I think another explanation could be autism or other neurodevelopmental difference. As it sounds like there are some challenges with communication and with understanding social norms and expectations and what's important to you as his partner.

Did your DH grow up speaking a different language to the one he uses everyday now? Assuming you are in the UK, is he British or eg from another European country?

Memories can be stored in a way that they are not accessible if you now don’t think in the language you thought in when the memories were laid down, apparently.

I have few memories of my childhood because it was pretty shit and the few I do have are things like my mother shaking me and throwing me across the room. In any photos of my childhood I just look miserable and lost and I think that was how I felt.

Some parents are very forceful about making sure children only remember what they are allowed to and in the process, train them to never, ever mention anything that isn't pre-approved.

I wonder whether his mother has trained him since infancy - 'you had a happy childhood, nothing bad ever happened to you, you were taken to Stately Homes/were never hungry/never hit/locked in cupboards/etc, nobody wants to hear about what you did, you never talk to anybody about anything, of course you did x, you've just forgotten it, that never happened, you do make things up, don't be so silly - nobody came in your room last night - you must have been dreaming, you can't possibly remember something like that happening, you have a terrible memory, I've been a wonderful, natural mother and it all just came so easily to me'.

This is me too. No trauma. Just not strong memories. Exacerbated I think by being an only child so not have siblings to talk about - d'you remember when.
Makes me a bit sad sometimes

I have no memories at all. Even as an adult. I describe it like an etch a sketch. Everyday is a fresh start. I take a lot of photos, but they don't mean anything, I don't remember the moment. I also can't close my eyes and imagine something. I can't be hypnotized either. It's weird Tomy partner who remembers everything

People remember the memories but choose to block them out and not discuss. It could be due to unhappy childhood or history of abuse. I never discuss or mention my childhood to anyone. I feel I just don't want to talk about it as well as I am a very private person, hence I can relate with your DH.

I had a perfectly normal upbringing with no trauma yet I have very few childhood memories apart from a few major moments. I don’t recall much of DS’s childhood either just bits and pieces here and there. It amazes me when people can give details about their past. I do however have an extensive recollection of song lyrics so perhaps other memories had to go to make room for them.

A stranger is someone you don't know, right? She knows his name, a few basic facts about him, so not a total stranger. More like a colleague in a different office, then, or the guy who runs the corner shop.

Although I suspect that if the shopkeeper had landed a backstage gig at Glastonbury (or whatever this big event was), he'd have told you more about it than OP's partner told her.

I have very few memories from childhood all the way up to about 15/16 I would say. The few I can remember well are not nice. I consider my family home abusive but many wouldn’t (including my siblings). I just think we are all different and it doesn’t have to be a huge trauma for it to be blocked out.

It used to worry me but not anymore. FWIW I also don’t discuss much with others. I just don’t feel the need!

I also share very little mostly because people don't really listen, and also don't care about the things that really interest me.

From the OP-
I do feel he keeps alot to himself. A few months ago, went to an event and met really key people, had photos with them, he would have been buzzing with excitement. Came home and I had no idea until seeing his camera roll a few days ago he had photos with them. He told no one at all. This was a big deal for him but was brushed away like nothing.

I don't see anything sinister in that. By "really key people" do you mean celebs, politicians...? A lot of people aren't actually impressed by people because of who they are. My husband would 100% only mention it if the person had said something he found interesting.

Fascinating post, thanks.

I don't recall much from mine either and mine was very ordinary. There isn't a blocking out I just dont pay much attention. If i really think about it I can recall everything but cant remember much sbout dchool or school mates

@Peach0123 no trauma here but I can’t recall very much of my childhood, teen years or twenties, thirties and fourties (I’m 50 now). If I’m honest my long term memory is awful. I can’t recall the ages I was when pregnant (other than my first when I was 18). I have bits of memories - some very random - here and there. Pictures and stories from others may fill in gaps but I never know if it’s a real memory or a learned one from other data.

i have ADHD and a few years ago learnt that I had Aphantasia this med to conversations with others and I learnt about Severely deficient autobiographical memory (SDAM). It explained so much.

it impacts so many areas of my life and I’m learning ways to change and grow now.

aphantasia.com/article/stories/maybe-you-have-sdam/?srsltid=AfmBOoq6yw9y-nlghZ16ETx49ljtPeC0I6c6VRUF6o5Zs1HviQYKhRvk

I suffered from childhood trauma and don't remember anything from childhood. He might genuinely not remember. I think it's a big jump to say he treats you like a stranger.

I have very few memories of childhood. There was a bit of trauma but I had a lovely upbringing with lovely parents. I barely remember anything to be honest, probably up to college.

My DH was like this and I found it so weird. After 20 years he has started talking about it more normally. Prior to that I could ask something innocuous like "did you ever go on holiday abroad as a child" and would get "I can't remember" as a reply in a tone which really shut the conversation down.

I think it's a trauma response. I suspect that your DH's childhood was not "nice and normal", possibly though he hasn't acknowledged this to himself.

Not sure I agree with this. My visual memory and imagination are weak, yet I have a rich and vivid imagination. My favourite fantasy author, perhaps unsurprisingly, is Mark Lawrence: he has total aphantasia.

Mark Lawrence - and I - can tell stories about things we've done and imagine doing, describe places we've been and emotions we've felt. He can weave whole worlds, their futures and histories, in his readers' minds. But OP's partner can't even describe his own life or the exciting event he joined this summer.

Having just spent hours exploring the subject of memory, I've learned that we have two distinct types: semantic and episodic:

Semantic memory refers to general facts that have no real bearing on personality, being independent of personal experience. Episodic memories, meanwhile, consist of recollections of life events or experiences. The fact that the Natural History Museum is in London is a semantic memory. The time that I visited it on a school trip at the age of 11 is an episodic one.

So your autobiography is made up of episodic memories. Some people, like a PP above, don't have these. It's possible OP's partner doesn't, either.

I would find this impossible to live with. If he has no 'history', no formative experiences, no ... well, no stories of his life, then who the hell is he? If he enjoys an exciting event and forgets it before he's back home, what's our relationship for? I understand several people have said they do live like this and it doesn't bother them; I don't understand how they can even conduct such a relationship. It would make me feel lonely.

I have very few childhood memories. No abuse or anything. It I do have aphantasia and I’ve always wondered if that’s a factor.

My husband is the opposite. His memory of even early childhood quite extensive. He has one memory that he described to his mother when I was there and she confirmed that he was 15 months old at the time.